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‘Reopening America’ Is Just a Pyramid Scheme for the Rich

The government put us in this position by failing to prepare and provide aid. Now they want small businesses and workers to carry the load of the recovery?

We Mapped Out the Impossible Timeline of ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’

Life moves pretty fast, but there is absolutely no way Ferris, Sloane and Cameron make it back home by 6

Will I Die Before I Finally Get Those Sweet, Sweet Social Security Checks?

It would sure be nice if we could look forward to retiring in this lifetime

When Should I Replace My Old Underwear With a New Pair?

Embarrassingly, the answer, for a lot of men, is whenever their mom or significant other buys them some new ones

How Much of My Makeshift New Home Office Can I Write Off on My Taxes, Now That I’m Quarantined?

Sunday Reads: Surf-Cam Bliss, the Stalinist ‘Truman Show’ and Repainting Jordans

In Times Like These, We Could Really Use a Guy Like Sergio Vieira de Mello

I Tried to Tame My Overgrown Jungle of Nose and Ear Hair With a DIY Wax Kit

Book Pirates Don’t Think They’re Stealing

Do People Still Give Their Grandkids Savings Bonds?

If Pizzas Are Round, Why Are Pizza Boxes Square?

How to Avoid Being a Total Cringelord When Quarantine Ends and You Go Back to Socializing

How a British Prog-Rocker Gave the Chicago Bulls Their Theme Song

Saving Your Side Piece in Your Phone as ‘Pizza Hut’ Is a Great Way to Get Caught

A Noob’s Guide to Picking the Right Video Game for Quarantine

Five Lies You’ve Been Told About Masturbation

Three Isolation Experts on the ‘Cabin Fever’ Song from ‘Muppet Treasure Island’

Not Getting Enough Sleep Is Shrinking Your Balls

How Often Should I Clean My Filthy Computer?

‘Bad Education’ and the Endless Fascination With Beloved Actors Playing Evil People

The Gay Butt Doctor Is In to Answer All Your Questions About Keeping Your Ass Happy

Of Course Trump Is a ‘Fluent in Sarcasm’ Guy

How Did ‘Fat Guy Plus Thin Guy’ Become a Big Comedy Trope?

Jeni’s Ice Cream Is About to Give Us a Sequel to Pizzagate

What Does It Really Mean to Live Beyond Your Means?

Farmers Are Trashing Tons of Food. Why Can’t It Go to Those Who Need It?

Balls Full of COVID, Why It’s Your Duty to Spend Your Stimulus on Dumb Shit and the End of the White Sneaker Trend

After 14 Years, ‘The Stalinist ‘Truman Show’’ Has Finally Arrived

We’ve Hoarded Toilet Paper So Many Times Before, Our Coronavirus Panic-Buying Looks Sensible

The Best Male Hair Accessories to Tame Your Quarantine Mane

An Average (and Ethical!) Guy’s Guide to Getting a Dog During Quarantine

‘True History of the Kelly Gang’ Salutes a Sexually Ambiguous, Dress-Wearing Outlaw (Who May Have Never Existed)

Lockdown Is Making People Easier Targets for Revenge Porn

How to Get Off a Zoom or Phone Call Without Being an Asshole

Surf Cams Bring Serenity, Temptation and Crushing FOMO

For Once, Spending Money on Random Shit Is Helpful

Not Everyone Quarantining With Their Parents Is Privileged and Selfish

Oh Sweet Giant-Ass Baby, the Guys Jerkin’ It with Bengay and the Future of Dude Cinema

Let YouTube’s Coffee King Teach You How to Make the Perfect Cup of Joe

Are You Really Hoarding Coronavirus in Your Balls?

How to Get a COVID-19 Discount on Your Car Insurance

How to Pick the Perfect Chair for Your Home Office

Thor Kills So Many People in ‘Extraction’

‘Too Hot to Handle’ Killed the White Sneaker for Good

Italians Find Quarantine Relief in a Cloud of Cigarette Smoke

Making Hand-Pulled Noodles in Quarantine Is Stress-Free Satisfaction

You Wish You Were the Giant Baby

Do Saltwater Rinses Really Help Clean Out Your Disgusting Nostrils?

The Raunchy Muslim Comedy of Sadia Azmat

‘Normal People’ Is a Love Story About Depression

Staying Together — In Quarantine — For the Kids

Denis Villeneuve and the Future of Dude Cinema

How a LGBT Artist Made a Documentary About Her Straight Parents and Their Gay Adult Bookstore

How to Eat Cheese All Day, the Beer Trucks Being Turned Into Morgue Trucks and the Rise of Coronavirus Tattoos

Why Are Dumbbells So Freaking Expensive?

How Bad Is It for Your Knees to Run Every Day?

How to Tell Everyone in Your Apartment Complex That You Don’t Want to Hang Out in Quarantine

On TikTok, You Don’t Send Nudes — You Paint Them

The Men Who Masturbate With Bengay and IcyHot

Extreme Cord-Cutting: How to Stream Movies and TV for Free (Mostly) Legally

In the Pandemic, Trucks That Once Drove Beer Are Now Portable Morgues

Are You Stomping All Over the Dead’s Memory By Running in a Cemetery?

Repainting Jordans Is the Most Divisive Meme in Sneaker Culture

Pandemic Tinder Proves the App Was Never Just About Hooking Up

Don’t Let Coronavirus Tattoos Get Under Your Skin

Harlem’s Tiger King, Taking a Flame to Your Ear Hair and a Look at the ‘Beastie Boys Story’

A Parents’ Guide to Working From Home Without Completely Losing Your Shit

How to Eat Cheese All Day Without Ruining Your Stomach

How to Help Your Family and Friends Stay Sane in Quarantine

Small-Town Gays Need Pride More Than Ever

Why Won’t Woke Boys Pay for Sex?

The Flood of Quarantine Fitspo Is a Nightmare for People With Eating Disorders

Eugene Mirman Is Ready to Start Getting Personal

The Very Entertaining Doc ‘Beastie Boys Story’ Misses Adam Yauch Even More Than You Do

The Coronavirus Might Bring Down the Wedding-Industrial Complex, Too

The Forgotten Tiger King of Harlem

Will Everyone Forget How to Do Their Jobs in Quarantine?

Is Fire Really the Most Effective Way to Get Rid of Ear Hair?

This Is the 4/20 When Edibles Finally Took Over

How to Motivate Yourself to Work Out During Quarantine, Even If You Never Exercised Much Before

What’s Better Than This? Guys Being (Good) Dudes on Reddit’s TrollYChromosome

Sunday Reads: In Praise of the Post Office, Peak Horny on Main and Why Crows Are Having a Moment

The Gentle Comedy and Uplifting Americana of 1940s Radio Shows Are the Perfect Quarantine Binge

A Gentleman’s Guide to Putting a Ring on It — And by It, We Mean Your Junk

Marlon Brando 101: Your Guide to the Great Actor’s Most Pivotal Roles

For Couples in Quarantine, Therapy Is an Exercise in Privacy and Trust

There’s Never Been a Better Time to Watch ‘Satantango,’ Your Film School’s Favorite 7.5-Hour Movie

‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Historians Ask How the Show Shifted the Queer Gaze

How to Grow Out Your Hair at Home in Quarantine

How Do I Get Over the Fact That My Partner Is an Intellectual Dud?

A Gooey and Delicious History of Mac and Cheese, a Meal Once Fit for a King

The Most Extra Extras in Hollywood History

Comedian Ian Abramson’s ‘Saturday Night Quarantine’ Is a Totally Deranged, Totally DIY and Totally Brilliant Homage to ‘SNL’

10 Road Movies That Remind Us Traveling Was Kind of Shitty Anyway

When Is It Too Early in the Day to Drink, Smoke or Masturbate in Quarantine?

The Highs and Lows of Gender Dysphoria in Social Isolation

Five Lies You’ve Been Told About 4/20 and Marijuana

How to Shut Down the Snacking and Get Back on a Healthy Food Schedule

In the Covid Crisis, the Corvid Is Having a Moment

Can You Masturbate Too Much in Quarantine?