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How Big Is a ‘Monster Cock,’ Exactly?

‘Monster cocks’ are all over porn sites, but what actually counts as a penile monstrosity — and who can truly claim to have one?

For the better part of a decade, porn star Marilyn Mayson has been a self-proclaimed industry “size queen.” But she admits she met her match in 2016, encountering what many fans and folks in the industry call a “monster cock.” 

While shooting a scene for PlumperPass.com, Mayson, posing as a desperate window salesperson, was paired with male talent Jax Slayher, who served as the scene’s homeowner. According to the subreddit r/MeasuredPornstars, a forum where users fact-check the size of pornstar penises, Slayher sports one of the most sizable dicks in the porn business — an 8.5-inch schlong that’s 65 percent longer than the average human male penis of 5.16 inches

At the close of the PlumperPass scene, a triumphant, cum-covered Mayson has sealed the deal with Slayher on some new windows. The upgrade to his home is sure to ease the financial strain of high utility bills; however, it may have been more than Mayson herself bargained for. “I thought I could take him, no problem,” she writes over email, referring to the monster cock, not the man it was attached to. “But he was a lot longer than I’ve had before, so it was a bit of a gut punch in certain positions. Haha.”

Porn star Siri Dahl relays similar sentiments, reflecting on a scene she shot with Lexington Steele, whose own monster cock is rated by r/MeasuredPornstars as comparable to that of Slayher’s. “There were only certain positions we could do where the organ rearrangement I was experiencing stayed at a tolerable level,” Dahl explains. “I remember doing a lot of missionary with me laying down and him standing, and certain angles of doggy position. My bladder was slightly bruised afterward.” (She is sure to add, however: “The sex was great so it was worth it.”)

The Truth About Monster Cock Porn

Google “monster cock” porn and both Slayher and Steele will certainly appear in the early results pages. So will Danny D (~8.25 inches, according to r/MeasuredPornstars), Logan Long (~7.25 inches), and JMac (~7 inches). (The longest human penis might belong to Roberto Cabrera, of Mexico, whose tusk supposedly measures 18.9 inches — though New Yorker Jonah Falcon, who has a 13.5-inch dick, disputes the claim.) But in the grand scheme of all life on this planet, these porn star monster penises pale in comparison to those of other creatures. 

• Read next: What Is an Average Flaccid Penis?

Case in point: Elephants, the world’s largest living land mammal, probably have the world’s largest living land penis, too. According to a heavily sourced Wikipedia page and elsewhere, elephant dicks measure up to 39 inches, which is roughly three times longer than Falcon’s member. Male elephants need their penises to be that long so as to gain access to the female’s vaginas, which are located more than four feet inside their bodies. Weighing six tons doesn’t make it easy for the male elephant to get into a sexual position, or to thrust themselves into the females either, so having a big pecker helps.

In relative terms, someone like Danny D actually boasts something bigger than that. The African variety of elephants grow to 35 feet, trunk to tail, which means that their longest of dicks — 3.25 feet — are slightly shorter than one-tenth of their body length. The average American male clocks in at 69 inches tall, which means Danny D’s 8.25-inch dong is relatively longer than that of a sizable elephant’s, at 12 percent of the average American man’s body length. (Danny D himself is 73 inches tall, or 6-foot-1, so his penis is 11 percent the size of his height, still proportionately lengthier than that of the longest elephant dicks.)

Elephant wangs, though, have got nothing on those of the mighty blue whale, the largest animal to have ever lived on Earth. Their bodies grow up to about 100 feet, and just their tongues can weigh as much as an elephant. Not surprisingly, then, their dicks measure up to 10 feet in length, the longest penises on earth, in absolute terms, and three times longer than some of the most formidable elephant units. 

Still, like elephants, blue whale dicks only measure around 10 percent of their body length. Thus, the sole life form that may truly take the Monster Cock crown is — wait for it — the barnacle.

• Read next: How Big Are Porn Star Dicks, Really?

Reaching up to eight times their body length, barnacle dicks are the longest on the planet, relative to their body size. What’s even more impressive is that barnacles can change the size and shape of their penises. Because their bodies don’t move after attaching to a boat or rock, barnacles utilize a trait called phenotypic plasticity to stretch their cocks and inseminate neighboring barnacles. The longer their dick, the better chance they’ll have keeping the species alive. 

If blue whales had pensies like that, they’d be 800 feet long, which is 33 percent longer than the Seattle Space Needle. Elephants with an imagined elephantiasis of the cock that made it eight times their body length could fuck a willing receiver across a football field, almost goal line to goal line. And if a male porn star in the mold of Danny D possessed such a nob, they could lay on a sidewalk and have a scene partner ride them from about four stories up. 

As for those in pursuit of such big dicks, they’ve seemingly been around since the dawn of man. Per a study from Nature Reviews Urology, “Evidence suggests the human penis is sexually selected, with increased penis size preferred by women in some studies, perhaps explaining why the human penis is large compared with most great apes,” our evolutionary ancestors. (Silverback gorilla penises are often little more than a couple inches long, for example.) 

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A co-author of that study, David J. Hosken, who’s also a professor of evolutionary biology and specializes in sexual selection, adds over email that across the animal kingdom “the male intermittent organ (not all of them are penises) is one of the most rapidly evolving structures.” 

So, perhaps the human penis will continue to grow even larger through the generations, and in a relatively short time. But don’t bet on it ever getting to barnacle-level big. That would take millions of years of evolution — probably all the better since you’d never be able to fit such a lengthy snake in your beloved cargo shorts

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