Most of us chose our masturbation posture early on. We figured out how to wank, never deviated from it and have been happily cumming ever since. But there’s almost certainly a method to the madness — and by method, I mean a biological justification for your chosen self-pleasure stance and why it hits just right.
Cum along (and pack your lube) as we explore the fundamentals of popular positions for auto-fondling.
For Penis-Havers
The Seated Crank. Most men beat their meat in a seated position, whether at their desk, on the edge of a bed or even on the toilet. There’s a simple reason for this: “The angle works,” explains the O-Man, an orgasm coach who’s currently designing a webinar on how posture impacts pleasure. While seated, the hand(s) can comfortably caress the dong without putting too much strain on the elbow. As a result, a person can easily control the speed of their strokes without cramping up.
Likewise, Brian Sloan, creator of Autoblow blow-job machines and a 13-year veteran of the male masturbation industry, says being seated allows for easy watching of porn, which many of us enjoy while fapping (unless we’re journeying toward the fabled mental orgasm).
The Standing Spray. As the O-Man says, many guys, himself included, learn to masturbate while standing so they can conveniently blow their load into the toilet (or receptacle of their choice). But there are other benefits that result from standing, too. Far too many of us suffer from neck and back issues stemming from desk jobs, and standing up straight, especially against a wall, can relieve that strain.
As our body relaxes and our hips push forward, a more pleasurable orgasm can follow. That’s because the hips are connected to our pelvic floor muscles, and those contract when you cum — if they’re already tensed because your hips are pushed forward, you can expect a more powerful load. (Some men are able to achieve such great control of their pelvic floor muscles, which are located near the gooch and activate when we shift our hips, that they can enjoy multiple consecutive orgasms — more on that here.)
Another benefit of standing, which improves circulation, is that gravity will shepherd more blood into the penis. This can produce a stronger, longer-lasting boner, which is great for stroking and increased pleasure.
You can also freely prop one leg up on another object while standing, allowing for longer, more controlled strokes. It also provides more space for the balls to swing without banging into your inner leg and putting a painful end to your personal boink sesh.
The Lying-Down Load. Lying down and facing the ceiling while stroking your hog works well for many of the same reasons standing up does: As the O-Man repeats, straightening out the body removes pressure from the neck and lower back, as well as any other areas that are strained, helping to shift the focus from your soreness to your pleasure.
While many of us instinctively use our dominant hand in all of the above positions, consider this: Employing your non-dominant hand can lead to new sensations. This is because our hands are controlled by separate areas of the brain, so letting your other hand have a go every now and then can feel totally different.
All of that said, when it comes to masturbation positions for dudes, the O-Man says, “It’s not really that complicated.” You’ll likely be able to cum easily enough no matter what stance you’re in. For women (or anyone with a vagina) on the other hand, he says posture is “everything.”
For Vagina Owners
The Ottoman Orgasm. The combination of unsupportive footwear, uncomfortable bras and too much time at desk jobs have many women leaning forward all the time. To combat this, the O-Man suggests lying on your back and propping your feet up on an ottoman or couch. This stretches the hip flexor muscles, supports the lower back and activates the pelvic floor, all of which contribute to increased comfort and more powerful orgasms.
The same goes for a person with a penis, although you may end up giving yourself a facial or at least cumming in your belly button.
The Standing Squirt. Similar to how guys can benefit from standing up straight, women can also reach climax by putting their back against a wall. “Many people like being pushed up against the wall,” the O-Man explains. “It’s a very sexy thing.” Not only that, it forces the pelvis forward, which again activates those important pelvic floor muscles. The result? A very good time. “It’s always surprising to people that they can cum standing up,” says the O-Man.
The Bondage Bust. Bondage comes in many shapes and forms, and while it’s not for everybody, the O-Man explains that it can “help a lot of people” by stretching their sore muscles and providing stability to their joints as they begin to climax.
Some people shake or twitch in the moments leading up to cumming, which can sometimes result in losing that eventual orgasm. “They’ll throw their body in a way that knocks them out of alignment,” explains the O-Man. But if they’re bound up and supported by ropes and chains in a safe, supportive way, their body will stay put — thus, their orgasm will be more likely to occur.
A Final Note
It’s important to emphasize that these are just a few popular masturbation positions, and that there’s no right or wrong when it comes to self-pleasure. Don’t be afraid to try something new. But keep the O-Man’s tips in mind — namely, removing any excess muscle strain and allowing your body to relax into its most natural postures.
Happy fapping!
Ian Lecklitner
Ian Lecklitner is a staff writer at MEL Magazine. He mostly writes about everyone's favorite things: Sex, drugs and food.
