Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate beasts.
The Chinese were the first to figure this out, more than 3,000 years ago, when they realized that men could have multiple full-body orgasms by withholding ejaculation.
These days, though, most of us are focused on a singular goal: getting off. But by doing so, we’re missing out, as one enlightened guy shared in the introduction of The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know:
In the normal, everyday sort of ejaculation my pleasure is quickly over with. Not so in multiple orgasms — the pleasure stays with me throughout the day. Now I can have as much sex as I want and can control it rather than have it control me. What more can a man ask for?
The medical term for such a non-release release is nonenjaculatory multiple orgasm, or NEMO. The key to finding NEMO, explains Paul Nelson, a men’s sexuality educator in New York City, is strengthening your pelvic floor — i.e., the muscles between the scrotum and rectum (the interior taint if you will) that you would use to stop urinating midstream. “Most guys don’t even know that they have them,” Nelson explains. “They just know they come too quickly.” In addition to ameliorating premature ejaculation, they also affect a man’s posture, lower back and hips.
Back to that all-day orgasm, though. How do we get one of those? Nelson recently told me how to start the process. Here’s what I learned:
Pelvic floor muscles are central to pissing, shitting and fucking. They’re large and flat and work with other pelvic organs to contract and relax, Nelson explains, forming a hammock that reinforces your whole gut. Strong pelvic floor muscles control the bladder and bowel, while weakened ones mean the internal organs aren’t fully supported and may result in you accidentally leaking urine, feces or farts. Like a flagpole holder, they also support the base of the penis near your taint. “They’re why you can make an erection bounce up and down,” Nelson says.
They’re also part of the menace that is premature ejaculation. Ejaculation is a spinal-cord reflex, Nelson explains, and part of the sympathetic nervous system, which tickles and startles you. If enough triggers are present — e.g., a stimulated penis, tightened pelvic floor muscles and the abs, stilted breathing — you will ejaculate. “When pelvic floor muscles are weak, they become tense and tight,” Nelson explains, noting that tight isn’t the same as strong. “When muscles are stronger they’re supple and easier to control. But when they’re tight, stimulating the penis can easily trigger a reflexive ejaculation.” And that reflexive ejaculation is typically quick on the draw.
Conversely, if utilized correctly, they can trigger NEMO as well. One pathway toward achieving nonejaculatory multiple orgasms, Nelson explains, is by clenching the PC muscles right before orgasm to prevent it from happening. “Some guys lift their legs and shoulders up and do a crunch to assist in this, which kills the ejaculation while allowing the orgasm to occur.”
Granted, that’s some guru-level tantric sex, and too advanced for most men, but Nelson says the reward is worth the effort. “When you have a NEMO, you don’t ejaculate but still orgasm, repeatedly, without losing your erection. That’s because you don’t enter the refractory period or experience the flood of prolactin through your body, which is what normally turns off all sexual desire after you come.”
Kegels are key. Nelson explains these muscles need to be worked on like any other to stay in shape. As such, he has his patients do a series of kegel exercises to strengthen them. “Start with a series of 10 short contractions, like you’re trying not to urinate: Hold it for one second, relax; hold it for one second, relax. Then do a series of 10 medium contractions — 5 seconds, relax; 5 seconds, relax; etc. And then one or two long contractions, holding for 30 seconds to a minute.”
He recommends The Private Gym, a pelvic floor strengthening program invented by urologist Andrew Siegel. Nelson’s patients with premature ejaculation improved dramatically after doing the work: A 60-year-old man, for example, vowed he’d never lasted as long in his life. “It’s resistance training,” Nelson says. And, he swears,it will put “you on the road to having NEMOs.”
Or finding them, as the case may be.