Fact-Checking the Gluck Gluck 9000, the So-Called Perfect Blow-Job Technique

A positive attitude and enthusiasm go a long way. This is true for most aspects of life — your career, your friendships — but particularly when it comes to sex. Everyone wants to be good at it, but my belief is that any shortcomings in bed can be forgiven if you’re at least having fun and putting in some effort. It’s this theory that seems to have inspired the “Gluck Gluck 9000,” an infamous blow-job technique detailed on the podcast Call Her Daddy, formerly owned by Barstool Sports.

For the uninitiated, “a gluck gluck” is just a blow job. The GG9K, however, is a very specific method of fellatio. As podcast host Alex Cooper explains, it’s a “vacuum-seal, double-hand gluck-gluck combo. It’s the noises, it’s the volume at which the saliva and the sloppiness comes on his penis and it’s the hand usage.” In other words, it’s a very eager blow job with lots of spit, a tight grip on the dick with your mouth and a twisting motion with both hands on the base. 

After the episode was released, the Gluck Gluck 9000 basically became a meme of its own. It’s been referenced in just about every bit of media related to the podcast; there’s merch on Amazon with “Gluck Gluck 9000” emblazoned upon it; and a musician named Miss Tania has even released a song by the same name. There are countless Reddit threads about it and a whole sub-universe of GG9K videos on TikTok. It’s perhaps the most iconic phrase to have emerged from the entire show, and it might be the buzziest blow-job technique of all time. 

But is the Gluck-Gluck really the be-all and end-all of BJs? I mean, is there really anything new or special happening here? Let’s break it down bit by bit. 

The Vacuum Seal

Cooper explains the vacuum seal like so: “Close your eyes and picture you’re in the Sahara desert and you are parched, you need water… His weiner is a big fat gallon of Poland Spring water. Anyone that is parched, they would die to get to that water. You will die for that dick.”

Given that this explanation is all about metaphor, it’s hard to verify precisely what practice she’s encouraging. Presumably, though, the “vacuum seal” refers to the grip one’s mouth has around the dick — i.e., your mouth has a vacuum-like suction on it. 

This isn’t all that new — this Reddit thread from a decade ago on blow-job tips offers “inhaling” the dick and sucking “like a vacuum” as the number one piece of advice. In fact, I’m not even sure what the alternative is. Take a look at just about any porno where a blow job takes place. As one person on the Call Her Daddy subreddit wrote, suction is “just what you do intuitively when you have a dick in your mouth.”

Not everyone enjoys an air-tight seal, though. “The Gluck-Gluck implies that the person is basically fucking your dick with their face, and implies maximum suction,” says Zak, a guy on Twitter. He says he actually prefers “not a crazy amount of suction,” speculating that he might be too sensitive for it because he’s uncircumcised.

But if we’re interpreting the vacuum seal more along the theme of “dying for that dick,” recipients do seem to agree that the sense of enthusiasm and energy are key to separating the GG9K from a regular ol’ beej. “Ultimately, it comes down to interest and effort,” says Elliot, another guy on Twitter. “Someone who isn’t into you can be going through the motions and it doesn’t really matter. Someone who’s into you and gets really into what they’re doing, you can feel that energy and that’s the best part. To me, it’s so much more mental than physical.” 

Essentially, while Elliot says the GG9K is “probably the best-feeling technique,” his enjoyment of it is more correlated to the energy of the person giving it rather than the technique itself.

The Double-Hand Twist

“The double hand lets him know that piece is ginormous,” Cooper explains on the pod. “How crazy are you getting with your hands? Are your hands going in the same motion or in different motions?” 

The hand technique isn’t simply about sensation, but also optics — if you can put both hands on the dick, it might make the guy feel like he’s really packing. As some guys in the comments section of the above YouTube clip state, certain penises are only big enough for one hand. Either way, this aspect of the technique seems to imply that part of a good blow job is making a guy feel confident about the size of his penis. This itself isn’t new, either: Elsewhere on Reddit, guys have discussed how having someone gag while performing a blow job also makes them feel big, which they find to be a turn-on. 

As for the hand motions, Cooper seems to suggest that twisting each hand in the opposite direction is what really ups the ante in the GG9K, but Call Her Daddy fans on Reddit explain the hand motion better: “So when you’re actually doing the Gluck Gluck, it’s not going to be your whole palms plus four fingers and a thumb wrapped around his dick,” writes u/outdooradequate on a thread about the GG9K. “Make a circle with your pointer finger and thumb (or if his dick is really big, pointer and middle fingers and thumb) with both hands. You’re gonna have two circles stacked on his shaft along with your mouth.

“As you go up and down on his dick, you are going to twist the circles you made with your hands in opposite directions. So like, as you go down, you will rotate your right hand circle to the right, and left hand circle to the left. As you come back up, you rotate your circles back inward. Alex says to keep these circles touching each other, with the top circle being right up against your lips.”

Also, they add, “MAKE SURE TO KEEP THINGS SOOO WET OTHERWISE YOU WILL GIVE HIS DICK AN INDIAN SUNBURN.”

Clearly, u/outdooradequate has tried this out a few times, and likely has had successful results. But like the vacuum seal, a double-hand twist is still not that new of a method. Adding a hand or two to a blow job is rather standard form, especially if the giver can’t quite deepthroat on their own. Even an advanced technique like Auntie Angel’s grapefruit method is still just a unique way of incorporating a twisting hand motion into the blow job. 

The note about wetness does seem to be key, though… 

Make It Extra Sloppy

“It’s the noises, it’s the volume at which the saliva and the sloppiness comes on his penis, and it’s the hand usage,” Cooper says in summarizing the GG9K, describing it as the “sloppiest, wettest, nastiest thing you’ve ever seen in your life.”

At the very least, making a blow job ultra sloppy is indeed a way of making it memorable. For example, part of why Auntie Angel’s grapefruit technique is so famous isn’t just because she uses a grapefruit, but also because she sounds like a washing machine performing a rinse cycle while she demonstrates. Part of the intense volume she summons comes from the maximal amount of spit she’s generated. 

“I got a BJ from this guy who was a real pro, and it was really, really loud,” Charles, yet another dude on Twitter, tells me. “All my housemates heard very clearly — I’m talking gagging, spitting, etc. When he left, they immediately started calling this guy Gluck Gluck. When they were expressing their shock and fascination at how loud it was, I said it’s because he was being really performative with his BJ technique. Not in a bad way, but in that he was really putting on a show, and the sound effects (including sloppiness and choking) were most likely optional embellishments that he enthusiastically offered up.” 

Charles says it all felt a tad fake and “porny,” to the point where the whole affair became an inside joke between him and his roommates. Still, it equated to a good blow job.

All that extra wetness, spit, slobber and potentially over-the-top enthusiasm encompass the main themes of the GG9K — they not only help facilitate that vacuum seal and double hand twist, but they promote the sense of eagerness to “die for the dick.” As with cum and vaginal fluid, spit is another bodily byproduct associated with horniness. In the case of a blow job, the wetter you can make it, the more “into it” you seem to be. 

The Boldest Claim 

“This will change your sex life,” Cooper famously states as she explains the move. “The Gluck Gluck 3000/9000 is every man’s kryptonite. Any girl can give a blow job. It’s the accessories that you bring with that blow job that make America great again,” she adds before clarifying she’s not a Trump supporter.

Sex is entirely subjective, so of course the GG9K (sometimes also called the 3000, or some other number) might change the lives of some. It’s certainly not every man’s kryptonite, though. Still, Cooper does seem right about the need for added “accessories” in a blow job. “It’s a tad aggressive, but I’m a fan,” a guy named “Dare” tells me, again via Twitter. If he’s being honest, he prefers a blow job that incorporates more deepthroating than the GG9K, but he says he’s “okay with almost any technique as long as everything is given full attention and it’s not just a shaft party.”

The GG9K has certainly changed some people’s lives, though. On the r/CallHerDaddy subreddit, there are numerous posts about how it transformed someone’s sexual encounters, both from givers and receivers of the technique. “I (24M) got the best head of my life,” one post begins. He goes on to explain that his ex-girlfriend wasn’t good at giving blow jobs, so it turned him off from the act overall. However, things changed on a recent date with a new woman. “We’re fooling around, and she asks me if I want head,” he writes. “I say I’m not really into it and would rather just have sex (I’ve never actually cum from a blow job. Tragic, I know). She then asks me if I’ve ever heard of the Gluck Gluck.”

“Holy shit, let me tell you, it is no joke,” he continues. “It was sloppy as hell, the double handed twist felt fucking unreal, and the eye contact she made was some of the hottest shit I’ve ever seen. I’m getting hard just picturing it.”

So, it certainly sounds like it’s at least changed this guy’s life. Again, it’s maybe not every man’s kryptonite, but it’s probably someone’s.

The thing is, much of the advice given on Call Her Daddy, especially in early episodes, seems geared toward college-aged women who may not have much sexual experience. Perhaps they’ve never even watched porn. This at least appears to be the case for much of the discussion surrounding the GG9K on the subreddit, where women regularly turn to in order to get advice on giving BJs and are just as regularly told to watch some porn to find out. 

The GG9K itself also points to a sense of performativity and uncertainty many people have about sex. The goal, after all, is impressing a dude. Cooper even goes on to say that if you properly employ the GG9K, the guy will like you far more afterward. Therefore, there’s pressure to give head — and to be particularly good at it. “If you are not sucking your man’s dick, that’s fine. One-hundred percent your decision, I respect it, I understand it. However, if you are not, somebody else is,” Cooper says toward the end of the segment. 

This fear, however, seems counterintuitive to the whole technique — if you’re only giving a blow job because you feel obligated to in order to keep your partner, can you really expect to approach it with the enthusiasm needed to perform it well? 

The GG9K itself isn’t bad advice at all. Using extra spit, using your hands and seeming like you’re overall having a good time are easily applicable techniques. But again, it all goes back to the simple truth that enthusiasm is key. As just about everyone mentioned, it’s the sense of involvement and presence that separates the GG9K from a forgettable blow job. Call it whatever you want — the most important thing is just to have fun. 

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Magdalene Taylor

Magdalene Taylor is a staff writer at MEL. She covers internet culture, sex and the online adult industry. She lives in Brooklyn but is from God's Country, Western Massachusetts.