1-17-19

Reddit Draws Your Nudes, Itty-Bitty Red Thongs and Michael Bolton, King of Comedy

The best of MEL from The Week That Was

Whoo-hoo, long weekend! Don’t worry, I made this week’s ICYMI post a bit longer to compensate:

For tears: C. Brian Smith covered the heartbreaking story of the opioid epidemic and the pets trapped in abusive relationships with their drug-seeking owners.

For lols: There’s something very funny about the total honesty celebrities are bringing to the #10YearChallenge. Tim Grierson digs deep into the appeal of the geezer buddy comedy. And Miles Klee crossed John Mayer stans this week and barely lived to tell about it.

For help: Soothe your sore throat with chocolate. Loan money to family and friends without losing your shirt or killing your relationships. Last way longer in bed (you know you want to).

Or, if you’re feeling frisky, check out everything else you might have missed from The Week That Was…

Must Read

“On r/DrawMeNSFW, Reddit Picassos Turn Your Nudes Into Personalized Art”
The thing about nudes is, they’re rarely anything other than lazy, cliché carbon copies of every nude that has come before them. There’s the mirror selfie; the filter-heavy glam shot; the pursed-lipped close up — just to name a few. Which is what makes what’s happening at r/DrawMeNSFW, where people upload nudes as a prompt for anyone who might like to sketch, paint or otherwise render the image in their own aesthetic, so intriguing. READ MORE

“When YouTube Red-Pills the Love of Your Life”
The tendency for impressionable men to spend a lot of time on YouTube has led many to become “Red-Pilled,” or indoctrinated by video content from a collection of male-dominated subcultures that range from “incels” (involuntarily celibate men who believe that Western liberalism and feminism prevents them from having sex or securing long-term relationships) to “men’s rights activists” (who believe that left-wing politics have waged an all-out war on white, heterosexual men by “promoting” abortion, immigration and LGBTQ issues). Obviously, this is gonna cause a few issues in their existing romantic relationships with women. READ MORE

“The ‘666 Rule’ Is Funny and Smart and Will Probably Offend a Lot of People”
Six feet. Six figures. Six-inch cock. The 666 Rule may be unapologetically shallow, a little crude and pretty funny considering the shit men get for being hung up on cup size or blondes. And while it’s unlikely people follow it in earnest, if those dimensions are what’ll make you happy, chase that dream. Just remember: Two out of three ain’t half bad. READ MORE

“The Millennial Men Who Don’t Enjoy Porn”
The conventional wisdom when it comes to millennial men and porn is that they either love it or they… love it. Anyone who doesn’t, well, they’re probably eunuchs. The thing is, that’s simply not true. According to one recent study, roughly 1 in 10 men don’t watch any porn at all. But there’s shockingly very little information to describe the people who aren’t watching it. So who are these porn-ambivalent men, and why aren’t they getting down like the rest of us? READ MORE

“How Michael Bolton Elevated the Past 20 Years of Comedy”
There’s nothing particularly funny about 1990s diet-pop vocalist Michael Bolton. Which is what has made it so hilarious when he’s popped up — or, like in Office Space, doesn’t — in comedies over the last 20 years. Miles Klee charts the career of the easy listening megastar, from his early days as a heavy-metal frontman to perhaps his funniest bit yet fucking up a Lonely Island song dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow. READ MORE

Five Things We Learned This Week

  1. If you like taking risks, and you like making money, maybe you need to give retail arbitrage a try. That’s because the popular YouTube get-rich-quick scheme where you buy in bulk from retailers and then sell for a higher price on Amazon can actually work — like pay off your house, work.
  2. In a vacuum, synonyms like “handsome,” “cute” and “sexy” all mean “good looking,” yet how we react to each is completely different. Someone calls you “handsome,” you might smile. Someone calls you “cute,” you might cringe. Here’s an analysis of all the terms we use to talk about male beauty.
  3. There are literally thousands of euphemisms for being drunk. You know, like “Kentucky fried,” “just south of bejesus,” and of course, the old stand-by “shitfaced.” Bartender/writer Haley Hamilton catalogued as many as she could find, and if you see me at the bar later, consider me “Zorba’d.”
  4. The secret to not indulging in fresh-baked cookies, or a double cheeseburger or some garlic knots, is drinking in their intoxicating scent for a couple of minutes. A good, long sniff, a new study suggests, might prevent you from indulging in unhealthy foods because our brains confuse the satisfying smell with a satisfying bite.
  5. Arnold Schwarzenegger is dope and all, but the most lasting influence on pro bodybuilding isn’t the Terminator — it’s the itty, bitty red thong. Quinn Myers spoke to a historian of physical culture about how we went from literal fig leafs to trunks to the shocking moment when in 1986 Rich Gaspari waltzed on stage in a tiny red thong and changed posing forever.

Quotes of the Week

It’s been well-documented that, if you look in the right corners of the internet, you’ll find a bustling black market for soiled women’s panties. But the ladies aren’t the only ones making a quick buck in the used underwear business — men are trading their sweaty boxers, tighty-whities and jock straps for cash, too.

There is nothing funny about rape — point blank, period. So why are people — men and women alike — rolling in the aisles when writer, artist and appellate attorney Vanessa Place reads live from her new book, You Had to Be There: Rape Jokes? Isabelle Kohn spoke to Place to find out why even the most unspeakably offensive joke on a topic that isn’t funny can still put a smile on your face.

Nunchucks are back, baby! No, really. Until recently, they were illegal to use anywhere but a dojo. But martial artists all over the world have rediscovered these ancient weapons, and when they’re not bringing the nunchuku art form into the 21st century, they’re hitting themselves in the face for their craft — a la our very own Eddie Kim.

I’m not saying there’s only one way to hold your shvantz when taking a piss, but that’s a new one. Turns out, though, the gentleman above is hardly the only guy with a unique grip technique — from the “baseball bat” to the “free-wheeler,” it appears that there’s no wrong way to urinate.

The Weekend Binge

Anyone as tired as I am with superhero movies? I mean, they’re bland, their scores are utterly forgettable and each movie is a two-hour trailer for the never-ending parade of sequels.

These gripes, of course, are a byproduct of the monopoly Marvel and DC have on superhero movies, where they know what the formula is for separating us from our cash and they’re not going to deviate from it for nothing. Which is what makes M. Night Shyamalan’s new film, Glass, and the Marvel/DC-independent universe he’s been nurturing, kind of refreshing. Which got us thinking: What are the best non-Marvel and DC superhero movies out there — e.g., 1990’s Darkman?