Tracking Domino’s Pizza Tracker, In Praise of ‘Depression Meals’ and the Key to The Pirate Bay’s File-Sharing Longevity

I don’t call my bi-weekly Chinese food take-out order of mapo tofu with pork, white rice and scallion pancakes a “depression meal.” I call it “Monday.” Is something wrong with me?

Must Read

“I Staked Out My Local Domino’s to See Just How Accurate Its Pizza Tracker Is”
This is so stupid, but read it anyways: In an effort to definitively prove whether the Domino’s Pizza Tracker is humanity’s best tool for answering the question, “Where in the hell is my goddamned double-cheese and pepperoni pizza?”, Brian VanHooker donned a deerstalker, ordered Domino’s and proceeded to compare the digital tracker with his pizza’s actual status. Let’s just say: Domino’s? Ya suspect. READ MORE

Checking In at the Hotel Brain-Tingle

In an effort to appeal to hip millennials and Instagram influencers by capturing one of YouTube’s hottest trends, Moxy NYC Chelsea, a swanky new Manhattan hotel, has begun offering what it calls “the first ever in-room hotel ASMR experience.” In plain English, this means the hotel is tricking out rooms with free ASMR videos, hosted by the likes of Bella Thorne and Caroline Vreeland, that are designed to induce “brain orgasms” and lull guests into a euphoric trance. It might be the strangest (and most expensive) tingle the city has to offer.

Skirting Decency

If you caught a pervert filming up a woman’s skirt nowadays, it might be cause to give him the hands, or, at least, have the Peeping Tom arrested. Ironic, given that not so very long ago, mainstream tabloids and women’s weekly magazines would regularly and openly publish upskirt paparazzi shots of female celebrities. So what’s changed?

I Just Called… To Say… I Love You

When you’re starting a new relationship and things are going well, what’s the appropriate time to wait to say “I love you”? The Bachelorette’s Luke P. took all of five seconds.

A bold strategy by the emerging frontrunner, let’s see if it pays off. After all, whoever broaches the L Zone first suffers when the other person has to take a moment, or days, or months to echo the sentiment. It’s terrifying, the possibility that you’ve been operating on different emotional wavelengths. Still, there comes a time to put up or shut up.

Forty Chicken McNuggets for the Soul

The definition of a “depression meal” is different for everyone who struggles with their mental health. Generally speaking, a depression meal is cheap, high-calorie, soft and likely easy to order or easy to heat in a microwave. The clinical connection between disordered eating and depression is well-documented, the two often going hand-in-hand. And because of that relationship, depression meals have found a particularly well-populated niche online.

But depression internet’s “compare and despair” tendencies aren’t necessarily a bad thing when it comes to this kind of food; in fact commiserating online over these weird and sometimes hilarious meals can be cathartic.

ĈIUJN NIAJ ESPERANTAJ KONGRESOJ

There are roughly 2 million people around the world who can speak Esperanto — an international constructed language — and they all view it as more of a movement than a form of communication. In fact, they’re not shy about the fact that they’re on a mission to make Esperanto the human language of record. Quinn Myers spoke to several avowed Esperanto speakers about their plans for world domination.

Never Stop Working

In depressing news, a new study suggests that people who use their long commutes to decompress before work experience lower morale, hindered productivity and heightened exhaustion at the office. So, uh, break out the laptop on the train and start rolling calls in the car, I guess. Fack.

Recumbent Bikes Are the Devil’s Playthings

Not all workouts are created equal. One hour of hard peddling on the sit-down recumbent bike is not the same as one hour on the treadmill, for example. In fact, if you’re using the recumbent bike for anything other than warming up, you might even be setting your fitness back a few.

Can’t Kill This Pirate

Back in the early 2000s, before streaming, there was torrenting. Which is to say, there was The Pirate Bay, the granddaddy of peer-to-peer file-sharing programs, the place to find everything from porn to illegal rips of Gladiator. Now, in 2019, with Netflix, Spotify and a number of other TV, movie and music streaming services that have largely supplanted file-sharing, there’s still The Pirate Bay. Turns out you can’t keep a good pirate down.

---

Jeff Gross

Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.