Pete Davidson has it, Anthony Bourdain had it and everyone from Rihanna to Adam Driver to Carrie Fisher to Tony the Tiger has been assigned it on Twitter. I’m talking, of course, about “Big Dick Energy,” that seemingly indefinable air of confidence that may, or may not, have something to do with the size of one’s penis.
But I don’t like indefinable stuff. Indefinable stuff makes my head hurt. So, I decided to turn to the one profession that might be able to make some scientific sense out of big dick energy: urologists.
On What Big Dick Energy Is
Petar Bajic, urologist: I would say “Big Dick Energy” just means confidence — a guy who carries himself with confidence that someone might attribute to him having a large penis.
Joshua Gonzalez, urologist and sexual health doctor: It’s basically an air of bravado that would imply that a particular man has a big dick — that he’s overly confident because he’s well endowed. I also think it’s the inverse of that Napoleon-like complex where guys go around buying sports cars to compensate for a smaller penis.
Alex Shteynshlyuger, Director of Urology at New York Urology Specialists: It’s about the characteristics of someone’s personality — the “smooth operator” personality, so to speak. It’s about a certain confidence in their sexual prowess and even in their own existence.
On If It Requires a Big Dick (or a Dick at All)
Bajic: I don’t think so. There are a lot of reasons why somebody might feel confident and that’s just one of them.
Shteynshlyuger: No, not at all. People can have a big, well-functioning penis but lack big dick energy because they lack that mental confidence. The opposite is true, too, they can have that confidence without a large penis.
Gonzalez: Someone could have big dick energy without having a big dick, or even a dick at all. It’s about bravado. Rihanna, for example, definitely has it.
On How Much Energy Is in One’s Dick
Gonzalez: I have no idea how to answer that.
Bajic: Unlimited energy.
Shteynshlyuger: This question isn’t entirely theoretical. There is stored energy, so to speak, in the penis. When blood flows to the penis and gets captured there, the higher the pressure, the stronger the erection. In general, there’s potential energy and kinetic energy, and when you get a good erection, that’s a lot of potential energy in the chamber. Then, when it’s released, it turns into kinetic energy. I can’t give you the kilojoules, but it probably is possible to calculate it.
On Pete Davidson
Bajic: I would agree that he has it. I mean, I have no idea what Pete Davidson’s penis looks like, but he seems like a confident guy and I think people like that.
Gonzalez: There must be something to it because his girlfriends tend to be very attractive, and I don’t consider him a very attractive person. I think maybe big dick guys might just give off an energy that isn’t quantifiable.
Shteynshlyuger: Pete Davidson is a local New Yorker, like me. However, I’m from Brooklyn and he’s from Staten Island, and, quite honestly, you cannot have big dick energy if you’re from Staten Island. It’s not about the person, it’s about the bridge.
On Anthony Bourdain
Bajic: I don’t have any details or anything, but I also agree that Anthony Bourdain — rest in peace — had it as well.
Bajic: I guess I could see that.
Gonzalez: Shaggy’s basically just a cartoon version of Pete Davidson, so, yeah.
On Tony the Tiger
Gonzalez: Tony the Tiger has big dick energy? I mean, knowing what I know about Tony the Tiger, I wouldn’t assume that he had big dick energy. You know who does have big dick energy? Jon Hamm. Not only because everyone knows he has a big dick, but also because he just gives off that vibe. I think Justin Bieber, too. He just gives off that vibe because he doesn’t care how he looks. There’s a certain confidence there. Not Tony the Tiger, though. He’s just not for me.
Shteynshlyuger: Yes! Tony the Tiger is the quintessential epitome of Big Dick Energy. That confidence and that smiling, friendly personality. He definitely has it.
On If Size Matters
Gonzalez: Up to a certain point size is important, because if you have a below-average-sized penis it may become more difficult for you to engage in certain activities or to satisfy your partner. But the average size in this country is about five and a half inches, which most men don’t appreciate. A lot of men have body dysmorphia because they’re misinformed about what an average-sized penis is, but if you have somewhere around that average, that’s fine.
Shteynshlyuger: Size does matter to a degree. If you have a micropenis, that makes a difference, but most men have an adequate size to satisfy their partner.
Bajic: Length isn’t as important as the vast majority of guys think it is. Average penis length is about five inches, but the perceived length that a guy thinks he should be is probably longer than that. But if you look at the data surrounding men with female partners, more commonly than not, it’s not the primary concern. As the saying goes, it’s how you use it.
On How One Might Attain Big Dick Energy
Gonzalez: I think you’re born with it.
Bajic: Men should be confident and comfortable with their bodies. They should understand what really is average and that size isn’t the most important thing. That, I think, can give them a sense of confidence in their body that will carry over.
Shteynshlyuger: Well, if I told you that, I’d have to charge you.