As we mentioned the other day, it’s a toss up as to whether we ask urologists or dietitians/nutritionists stupider questions. And so, we’ll let you be the judge. To keep things fair, though, here’s a recap of the five stupidest things we actually sought out an accredited professional in nutrition to answer/explain:
- “What Kinds of Salt Are Most and Least Healthy?”
- “Is Eating Pizza Every Day for 37 Years A Viable Diet?”
- “Can McDonald’s Fries Cure Baldness?”
- “Why Is Chinese Food So Good When I’m Drunk?”
- “I’m So Hungover I Think I Might Die. I’m Also On A Diet. What Should I Eat?”
Super stupid, right? Don’t be so quick to judge. At least not before you check out the five dumbest things we asked urologists over the last 12 months — you know, men and women who spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to go to medical school to help men with real problems. (We know, we’re probably going to the wrong head doctor.)
Stupid Question #1: “If Dicks Aren’t A Muscle, Why Can We Flex Them?”
Because, um, of the other muscles in the surrounding area, which our go-to urologist Jamin Brahmbhatt was kind enough to explain in highly (and much appreciated) scientific detail (he’s also always been kind enough to never not return our calls/texts):
“Despite how it feels, you aren’t actually flexing any muscles in your penis to accomplish this. Instead, you’re flexing the muscles that surround the base of your penis — your pelvic floor muscles. ‘These muscles create a ‘floor’ between your tailbone and your pubic bone,’ says Brahmbhatt. ‘They support your prostate, bladder, seminal vesicles, bowel and rectum. They help you control urination and defecation, and in this case, they play a role in sexual function.’
“In other words, according to Brahmbhatt, it’s not a penis muscle but rather a penis-adjacent muscle. ‘The ischiocavernosus muscle is a muscle just below the surface of the perineum (less formally known as your taint) that helps flex your anus, and in males, stabilize the erect penis.’”
Stupid Question #2: “How Do You Shrink You Load?”
We’re nothing if not thoughtful lovers. Again, it was Brahmbhatt to the rescue, though he prefaced his answer by saying that no one — as in not a single human being — had ever asked him this question before:
“‘If you take testosterone it will decrease,’ Brahmbhatt says. ‘If you take prostate meds the volume may decrease, too.’ The reason, according to ferilitysolutions.com, is that external forms of testosterone cause a negative feedback loop on the body’s natural hormone production. And less testosterone in the testes leads to decreased sperm production.”
He also suggested a much simpler (and pleasurable) option: Cumming more frequently.
Stupid Question #3: “At What Age Does Your Dick Stop Growing?”
Per the heroic Brahmbhatt:
“‘Your penis isn’t made of cartilage, which means it stops growing when you finish puberty.’ Exactly when that happens, though, varies from person to person: ‘Again, everyone develops at a different pace,’ Brahmbhatt explains. ‘You may take longer than your friends — or less time — to finish puberty. But by 16, your body and its parts should be close to your adult size.”
Stupid Question #4: “Does How Hard You Pee Matter?”
Sometimes the stupidest questions are the ones you don’t ask. This would be a good example of that. Because all jokes aside, as staff writer Andrew Fiouzi recounts in this piece, urine flow is all about prostate size, and “the bigger your prostate, the weaker your flow. Which could mean nothing — or it could mean that you have prostate cancer.”
Stupid Question #5: “Is There Such A Thing As An Eye-Dick Connection?”
Remember that old wive’s tale about masturbation causing blindness? Well, after a man’s vision was tinted red from chugging liquid Viagra he bought off the internet, staff writer Ian Lecklitner wondered if there really is some sort of connection between the eyes and dicks after all. It turns out, there is — if you’re chugging liqiud Viagra you’ve bought off the internet. (An inhibitor commonly found in ED drugs can fuck with the proteins in your retinas if the drugs aren’t taken as prescribed — again, DON’T CHUG LIQUID VIAGRA YOU’VE BOUGHT OFF THE INTERNET.) Otherwise: “The penis isn’t directly connected with the eyes,” Brahmbhatt told us.
You’re a good man, Dr. Brahmbhatt.