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Wait… Why Is Everyone Talking About Big Dick Energy?

Glad you asked. In many ways, it started with Anthony Bourdain. As many good things did. Just after the beloved celebrity chef and bon vivant passed, the internet began to discuss his big dick energy. This viral tweet helped kick off the conversation:

To some, it may seem distasteful to discuss Bourdain’s junk so soon after his death (or at all once he’s left the mortal plane). Like, c’mon, have some respect for the dead. But I’d suggest that those people are looking at it wrong. This is respect for the dead. Perhaps one of the ways that people want to — and need to — mourn him is to celebrate his big dick energy.

What is big dick energy, exactly? It’s the difference between Prince and Michael Jackson. You may love MJ, but you wanna go home with Prince. Big dick energy is the cock in true cockiness. Like soul, you can just feel it — even from a distance. It’s in the eyes.

Let’s be real about who we’re discussing, too. Bourdain would’ve likely been amused by the fact we’re discussing his big dick energy. Here was a man who once posed stark naked for a photo with only a massive bone to cover him. The photo was from back in 2007, for the book My Last Supper by Melanie Dunea. The photo resurfaced on social media just after Bourdain’s sudden and surprising passing, as part of a way to remember him, his spirit and his big dick energy:

Now, was Bourdain a well-endowed man? I don’t know. I never saw his dick. All we have now is rumor and hearsay. Well, that’s not true. There was that one time he was asked about how big his dick was by a Japanese journalist. According to him, “A female Japanese journalist asked me how large my penis was. I was thrown by the question, but I answered it. That was the first and last time I’ve been asked that question.”

Find that Japanese journalist and she may have your answer.

Perhaps she could just sense it. Maybe she couldn’t help herself from asking. It was her best chance to ask Bourdain, in-person. Perhaps curiosity overcame her professionalism. She had to know. Big dick energy will do that to you. Besides, all she was looking for was confirmation. She didn’t ask to see it. She didn’t need to see it, per se.

Women can tell these things. Not all women, but a lot of them. Gay men, too. Not all gay men. But a lot of them.

In fact, if you follow enough women and gay men on Twitter, you may have recently noticed a lot of them thirst-tweeting about Pete Davidson, his dick and his new fiancée Ariana Grande. They say, Pete Davidson has that big dick energy. They say that would explain his and Grande’s whirlwind romance and surprisingly fast marriage proposal. It would also explain why there are rumors Grande pays for everything. Because that’s what big dick energy will do — it’ll make a woman buy herself her own damn engagement ring, and not give a single solitary fuck about it.

Why?

Because she’s dick-na-tized.

Or so they say. It’s mostly jokes.

All this recent talk about Grande, Davidson and his super-sized dick began with whispered theories, ones spread in group chats among women and among gay men. Then it sorta bubbled up into convos on Twitter. There it became a vigorous debate. Many opinionated posters parsed their evidence. People gauged length and girth from shadows and contours in paparazzi photos of the couple. They assessed silhouettes of what lies beneath the folds of fabric holding back his crotch. They guessed at the size and shape of his junk from how it hung in his loose-fitting shorts. Is Pete Davidson packing some kinda long-barreled love gun, or nah?

Looking for solid confirmation, some people sourced comments on Instagram between Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. Then the teasing turned serious when actual factual confirmation came. But it wasn’t a dick pic or a sex tape. Instead, it was a tweet. (Of course it was a tweet. Half the news now happens in tweets.) Ariana Grande responded to a fan who straight-up asked about the size of Pete Davidson’s dick. She reported that it was 10 inches. But next, she sorta played it off. Anyway, judge for yourself. Here’s their exchange:

After that bombshell about Davidson’s cervix-pushing package dropped and hit Twitter, it was like… boom! Suddenly, the TL is talking about that big dick energy for days. Because, apparently, Pete Davidson has a big dick. Which would explain why Grande looks at him like this:

Of course, since it’s the internet, there were those folks who had their doubts: What did lil ol’ Ariana know about big dicks, anyway?

Maybe she was fooling herself. Maybe she just doesn’t know. However, those who are down with hip-hop were quick to point out that Grande used to be with Big Sean. And they don’t call him Big Sean because of how tall he is. Having been with two men rumored to be outsized, it would seem Grande is definitely a size queen.

Then again, there were still those who had their doubts. Smart people like Emily Gould, novelist and co-founder of Emily Books. She questioned Grande’s perception of Davidson’s dick. She suggested that the singer is so in love with him that Grande overestimates the size of Davidson’s super-sized pleasure stick.

(By the way, Emily’s thread raises and answers many important questions about big dick energy if you’re curious to read lots of women’s perspectives on the issue.)

Some of you guys may be wondering: How exactly can women tell the size of a man’s dick, if he isn’t naked? How can they gauge it through clothing?

The answer is: easily. For instance, Molly Lambert offered this paparazzi shot as Exhibit A to disprove Emily Gould’s theory:

That should make it more obvious for all to see. Homie is smuggling produce.

But even when a dude is wearing, let’s say, a pair of heavy denim workman jeans, women can still tell. Because remember: Women wanted to know the size of Pete Davidson’s dick as confirmation of his big dick energy. In other words, they could already spot it. Big dick energy is detectable from a distance.

But again, what exactly is big dick energy? What do women and gay men see in a man’s behavior? What do they spot in the way he walks through the world?

Allow Amanda Mull to explain the phenomenon:

There’s obviously, though, a little more to it than that. Big dick energy is an elusive quality. It’s also an essential quality. Kinda like the difference between The Weeknd singing and some dude at the karaoke bar singing The Weeknd. Same lyrics, same tune, probably even sounds similar. But there’s just that huge difference. Big dick energy is the confident swagger of a man who knows he has a surprise waiting in jeans for the woman or man lucky enough to undo his zipper. It’s what gives his smirk a little extra lift, his walk that extra attitude. It’s what makes his swagger feel authentic rather than like an actor’s bluff. Big dick energy is there in the way a man moves, but also in how he listens.

Big dick energy is, ultimately, that secure aura exuded by a man who knows he’s got the goods. What he does with that knowledge depends entirely on what kind of man he chooses to be. Tommy Lee is an example of what one might call bad big dick energy. And David Spade is an example of surprise low-key big dick energy. (Yeah, that’s why he has that smirk.) An ex to both of them, Heather Locklear can confirm it’s true.

Now, you may be thinking, But that’s not fair. That’s bullshit. What if I’m not a big dick dude, how can I get some big dick energy in my life?

That’s when you gotta remember that big dick energy is an attitude, it’s a confidence, it’s an energy. It exists beyond mere dick size. In fact, some say that women can have big dick energy, too. Like, you could use the term to describe Beyoncé.

If it applies to Bey, then you know who also damn sure has big dick energy, too?

The best takeaway for any man when it comes to the question of what is big dick energy, is the fact that it’s not store-bought. At a deeper level, when you see women tweeting about big dick energy, it’s really about how they’re turned on by a man’s calm confidence. You wanna exude that. That’s when you’ll be putting out that big dick energy. Or at least doing better than you were before.

Ultimately, though, playwright, columnist and podcast host, Bim Adewunmi, probably made the best point about all of this dick talk: