I’m fascinated by the idea that there are multiple ways that guys hold their dicks when they’re taking a piss. It reminds me of the fact that something like 50 percent of the population stands to wipe their ass, or that there are folks out there who say “JIF” instead of “GIF” with a hard G.
Look, no matter what these fine young men may say, there’s only one way to take your penis into your hands to urinate, and the method was set in bronze long before you and I were born:
If you’re doing it any other way, you’re just playing with it.
Must Read
“The Millennial Men Who Don’t Enjoy Porn”
The conventional wisdom when it comes to millennial men and porn is that they either love it or they… love it. Anyone who doesn’t, well, they’re probably eunuchs. The thing is, though, that’s simply not true. According to one recent study, roughly 1 in 10 men don’t watch any porn at all. But there’s shockingly very little information to describe the people who aren’t watching it. So who are these porn-ambivalent men, and why aren’t they getting down like the rest of us? READ MORE
Bada Bing!
Few shows have had the cultural impact that the Sopranos has had. Television itself has been revolutionized. Fat guys are sexy again. And, to the topic at hand, the show’s fictional brand of Bada Bing! strip clubs have gone global.
Mother’s Milk
This is it, you guys. We’ve reached peak #milk content. First, Quinn Myers brought you the story of the weightlifting men who drink a gallon of milk a day for the gains. Then, he brought you the story of the weightlifting men who drink milk, and nothing but milk (sorry, water!) for even more gains. Now, for final installment of the trilogy, he brings you the story of the weightlifting men who drink breast milk for even more, more gains.
My friend confessed that his wife breastfeeds him for better gains… from bodybuilding
You really won’t ever drink milk the same again.
Aiding and Abetting
So your friend is cheating on their partner. Should you keep quiet and help them cover up an affair? Surprisingly, it’s a lot more complicated than “No!” and “Go fuck yourself, Steve.”
Crowdfunders of the World, Unite!
Right-leaning Americans sure claim to hate socialism, but in practice, that doesn’t appear to be entirely true. Because while the idea of “Why should I pay for someone else’s treatment?” is what the right believes in theory, most people do want to give if it means helping out their fellow man. You needn’t look any further for validation of this fact than on GoFundMe, the kinda-socialist crowdfunding website where you pay for other people’s treatments.
A Film Critic On… ‘Sex Education’
On what it is: “Otis (Asa Butterfield) is the focus of Sex Education, the new Netflix series about what happens when this sweet, nerdy teen discovers that living with his divorced mother has an unexpected benefit: He’s heard about sex so often that he can be a guru for his clueless classmates.”
On the smart move to pay homage to the teen comedies of our youth: “Indebted to the John Hughes comedies of the 1980s, Sex Education has a sweet, warm likability to it.”
On trying too hard: “It’s good to know as a young person that sex is complicated for everyone, but did the show have to be so cutesy to prove its point?”
On not trying hard enough: “While Sex Education is more open about sex than most series, it can be just as unrealistic in its depiction of how sex works in people’s lives.”
On using convention as a crutch: “Sex Education tends to see its characters as convenient teen-drama stereotypes.”
On the unfortunate end result: “The embrace of cliché blunts Sex Education’s meaningful commentary on the need to accept our kinks.”
Read the rest of Tim Grierson’s take on Sex Education, here — including the unfortunate fact that some guys can’t beat their meat; the connection between being a stoner and erectile dysfunction; and what, if anything, men can do to help with vaginismus.
This Is An Emergen-C
There’s likely no homeopathic remedy more ubiquitous than Emergen-C. When you’re sick, everyone and their mother is foisting packets of the fruity fizzy-drink powder on you like deranged Florence Nightingales. But does the stuff even work? Let’s take a look at the ingredients:
Ehhh… it’s not looking good. That’s because, while vitamin C does have immune-boosting capabilities, there’s a fatal flaw to this combo of ingredients that ensures that even if you drank a metric ton of the stuff, it wouldn’t have any sort of impact on your wellness.
Well, That’s One Way of Doing It
I’m not saying there’s only one way to hold your shvantz when taking a piss, but that’s a new one. Turns out, though, the gentleman above is hardly the only guy with a unique grip technique — from the “baseball bat” to the “free-wheeler,” it appears that there’s no wrong way to urinate.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
