For some reason, there’s a baby-pink hat in existence, emblazoned with an illustration of the Super Mario character Birdo alongside the words: “I love my Deepthroat Queen.” Beneath this loving declaration are the tiny words: “Christians Against Premarital Sex. C.A.P.S.”
There’s a lot to unpack here. First, I guess it makes sense that Christians avoiding premarital penetrative sex would revere any kind of “Deepthroat Queen.” However, it’s not a coincidence that the organization’s initials spell the word “caps” — it is, in fact, an apparel company, whose relation to any kind of Christian organization seems to be a joke. Besides, would a real-world group called Christians Against Premarital Sex legitimately make this merch? Probably not.
And so, the Christian authenticity of the hat has been debunked — but the fandom surrounding its subject is, as it turns out, very real. As someone who’s rarely played Super Mario, I’d never even heard of Birdo as a character, let alone a sex symbol, but for fans of the game, the hot pink “prehistoric dinosaur” and her wide-mouthed allure are probably well-known — enough to earn her the title of “Deepthroat Queen,” anyway.
Birdo — also self-referred to as Birdetta — was originally created as a male character, but one who, according to The Gamer, “thinks of herself as a girl despite actually being a boy physically.” In later iterations of the game, Birdo is identified as a female character, making her one of the first transgender video game characters ever. Someone’s even made a Birdo version of Caitlyn Jenner’s 2015 Vanity Fair cover story, when Jenner revealed her new name and identity. This Vanity Fart illustration is one of many sultry depictions of the dinosaur.
To be fair, Birdo is sexy. She’s pink (the sexiest color), has long eyelashes and wears a big red bow in her “hair” and a diamond ring on her finger. Oh, and she has a massive hole where her face is meant to be — perfect for deepthroating! But it’s not just her looks. The Gamer reports that she’s also “hyper-flirtatious,” winking at her opponents or speaking, as she apparently calls it, “the language of love.” Also, as well as shooting eggs out of her snout, Birdo can use it to, er, suck things up — and, seemingly, kiss her boyfriend Yoshi.
My colleague Brian VanHooker, someone who knows a lot more about Mario than me, says that this all does make sense, actually. “What’s weird about Birdo being a blow-job icon is that it kind of does, very strangely, suit the character,” he tells me. “Mario’s whole mythos is pretty asexual — the world procreates with stork deliveries, Mario’s relationship with Princess Peach is very G-rated and we don’t even know who Mario’s parents are. Birdo, on the other hand, is different. Nintendo not only gave her gender special attention by switching it up, but they’ve also paired her on a romantic level with Yoshi and given her a flirtatious personality. It’s almost like they know that the character resembles a walking Fleshlight, and Nintendo — as well as the internet — have just given her a personality to match.”
Because of this and Rule 34 — the belief that if it exists, there is porn of it — there’s a whole bunch of sexual Birdo material online. As well as countless sexy fan drawings, there’s IRL cosplay (videos, too), comic strip porn and animations of Birdo the “throbslut” sucking dick. There’s also this video of Birdo sucking her own dick, which seems to confirm that, yes, she is the Deepthroat Queen of the Mario universe.