Strap In and Get Off: The Best Harnesses for Strap-On Sex

Strap-on sex is many things to many people: a subversion of gender roles, a kinky exploration of taboos, a celebration of queer eroticism. Regardless of your gender, anatomy or sexual orientation, it can bring a lot of fun and pleasure into your sex life if it’s something you’re interested in.

Shopping for dildos can be a bit more straightforward, especially if you already know what sizes, shapes and textures you’re drawn to. But buying a harness — the underwear-like garment that holds the dildo in place on your body — is often a more daunting task, especially once you realize how many wildly different styles there are to choose from.

To help untangle some of the complexities of harness-shopping, I spoke to Leanne Yau, a polyamory educator, and Sinclair Sexsmith, a kink educator whose work focuses on (among other things) gaining “cock confidence” while strapping on.

What to Look for in a Harness

Material: When you think about strap-on harnesses, do you picture a leather strappy thing? A hip-hugging, underwear-esque garment constructed from cotton? Something made of neoprene or latex like a superhero might wear? All of these materials have their pros and cons when it comes to strap-on play.

Leather is one of the more popular harness materials, mainly because it looks and feels sexy to many people. “Leather, because it literally used to be animal skin, is temperature-sensitive and can take on more of a ‘second skin’ feeling to it, and hugs and conforms to the body,” Sexsmith says. “Fabric doesn’t feel quite as connective to me, personally.”

Leather is also harder to care for than many other harness materials, though Sexsmith says that if you get some mild soap and leather conditioner and use them on your harness regularly, it’ll last you much longer than some of these other materials. Notably, leather is porous, so if you plan on using your harness with multiple partners, it’d probably be better to get one made of fabric so you can fully sanitize it. 

Another drawback for some people: To state the super obvious, leather isn’t vegan. If you like the look of it but can’t get down with the ethics of it, faux leather is a good alternative.

Fabric harnesses, on the other hand, are often styled to look like underwear, so they can be comfier to wear (especially if you plan on wearing yours under clothes for a while, such as when you’re out on a date), and are often quicker to put on. You can usually throw them in the washing machine when you’re done (double-check the care instructions of your specific harness to make sure it’s okay to do this). However, Sexsmith says that fabric harnesses don’t work as well for rough sex, because the stretchiness of the material gives you less control over how hard and fast you can thrust your dildo.

Number of Straps: If a harness is the kind that has straps, rather than the kind made to look like underwear, typically it’ll have either two straps — one going around each buttcheek — or one strap that goes between your legs and up your butt crack. “Some people have very strong preferences about those two styles,” Sexsmith says.

Broadly speaking, you’ll get more stability and control with two straps, but a single strap can be better if you want the wearer to feel pleasure and maybe even get off from using their strap-on. The strap will rub against their junk with each thrust, and if they’ve tucked a vibrator down there, the motion will intensify those sensations even more. A single-strap harness can also feel good if the wearer has a butt plug in, because the strap will push rhythmically against the base of the plug.

Fit and Adjustability: Naturally, you want a harness that fits you well — both because it’s comfier and because it gives you more stability as you thrust. Some stores will let you try on harnesses over your underwear; if you’re shopping online, take a good look at the measurements before pulling the trigger. In general, you want your harness to fit a little tighter than standard underwear, which gives you more control over the dildo.

If you and your partner both like to strap on and plan to share the harness, or at least want switching off to be an option, look for one with enough adjustability that it can suit both your measurements. This might not be doable if you have very different body sizes, but some harnesses give you a surprising amount of leeway.

Pleasure Possibilities: There are lots of ways to make strap-on sex physically pleasurable for the person strapping on. Some harnesses have a little pocket that goes behind the base of the dildo, into which, again, you can tuck a small vibrator. Sexsmith recommends a U-shaped vibrator like the We-Vibe, which is made to hit both the clit and the G-spot at once, intensifying strap-on sensations by a lot.

If you want to use your harness with a double-ended dildo like the Feeldoe — or if you want to have open access to the wearer’s genitals so either of you can touch ‘em during sex — look for a harness that has an open hole behind where the dildo goes, rather than a panel of fabric or leather.

O-Ring(s): The O-ring is the circular ring that holds your dildo in place at the base. Some harnesses allow you to swap out the O-ring for different-sized ones, which is useful if you plan on using dildos that are especially big or especially small. Some harnesses come with a few O-ring options, but if yours doesn’t, you may need to buy a separate set of O-rings if you want your harness to be able to accommodate multiple dildo sizes.

However, there are some harnesses (usually underwear-style ones) that have an O-ring embedded in their design, so you can’t switch it out for another one, at least not without doing some serious DIY-ing. These are fine if you plan on mainly or exclusively using dildos of an average girth. Check to see if the manufacturer states the diameter of their O-ring on their website and compare it with your favorite toys to see if it’ll work, keeping in mind that O-rings usually have a bit of stretch to them.

Ease of Use: If your main concern with a harness is being able to get in and out of it quickly — which is reasonable, given how difficult it is to figure out intricate straps when your blood is rushing away from your brain — then underwear-style harnesses are probably your best bet. You just tug them on like any other pair of underwear.

Strappy harnesses are admittedly a bit more difficult to use, at least at first. It’s a good idea to practice on your own a few times so you won’t be confounded while you’re trying to get busy. Pro tip: Two-strap harnesses can be the trickiest to get in and out of, but if you leave all the buckles done up and just undo one on the side, you’ll be able to step in and out of your harness with minimal adjustment required.

Aesthetics: Many harnesses are relatively androgynous-looking, while some lean harder in one direction or the other on the gender-expression spectrum. This is purely a matter of personal taste; my raspberry-pink leather harness fills my femme heart with glee every time I put it on, for example, while it might make some others feel weird or dysphoric. “For a lot of folks, having BDSM accessories that match their style, their gender and their preferences can be a big confidence boost,” Sexsmith says, “and it can be a big turn-on, the visual stimulation, for your partner or for yourself.”

Ready to harness the power of strap-on play to give your sex life a boost? Here are some expert-recommended harnesses for strap-on sex…

Fabric Harnesses

Sportsheets Red Lace Corsette Strap-On. This harness combines elegance with practicality for some red-hot sex. “I love the Sportsheets collection — they’re a cross between lingerie and harness while also being sturdy enough to hold a dildo properly,” Yau says.

Adjustable for hips up to 60 inches around, this harness is made of velvety polyester and has nickel-free metal hardware. It also comes with three different-sized O-rings, making it an especially versatile pick that costs just $28.

SpareParts HardWear Joque. A cult favorite often spotted in queer porn, this comfy two-strap harness gets rave reviews. “It’s a little more like wearing a jockstrap than other kinds of harnesses, so you set the Velcro to the size that you want it and then you can just pull it on and off,” Sexsmith says. “You don’t have to fuss with buckles and rings and things.”

The Joque comes in two sizes — one for hips that are 20 to 50 inches and one that fits 35 to 65 inches. Its built-in O-ring isn’t swappable, but it’s stretchy enough to work with a lot of different dildos. There are two little pockets inside that you can insert a bullet vibrator into, for extra sensation. It’s machine-washable, too, making it ultra-convenient to clean.

RodeoH Brief+ Underwear Harness. “People are wild about the RodeoH harnesses,” Sexsmith says. This company makes underwear-style harnesses in a wide variety of sizes, colors and styles; if the plain briefs don’t do it for you, you can also consider anything from rainbow lightning-print boxers to blue paisley briefs to lingerie-inspired panties.

Like the Joque above, each RodeoH harness has one built-in O-ring that limits your dildo options a bit, but has some stretch to it. The cotton-spandex blend that RodeoH harnesses are made from is comfortable enough for all-day wear, and can be hand-washed. There’s a pocket for a small vibrator behind where the dildo goes, but the fabric panel that holds the vibe in place makes your genitals pretty inaccessible when you’re wearing one of these, so you’ll have to decide what kind of stimulation you want while strapping on (if any) before deciding to get a RodeoH harness.

Lovehoney Deluxe Strap-On Harness Kit. Yau is a big fan of Lovehoney’s strap-on kits because they come with “well-made and perfectly sized dildos.” This one contains a two-strap fabric harness that’s adjustable up to 67 inches, as well as two silicone dildos, one meant to be beginner-friendly (5.6 inches long by 1.15 inches in diameter) and one that’s more intermediate-to-advanced in size (8 inches by 1.88 inches). Also included are three O-rings of various sizes.

That’s a lot of stuff for just $55 — so if you’re interested in strap-on play but don’t know where to start, a set like this might make the most sense for you.

offthetongue Laney. Sexsmith recommends this U.K.-based company if you prefer harnesses with a feminine-leaning aesthetic. “They make these femme lingerie-strap harnesses that are just so hot,” they explain. “They’re really high-quality, they’re beautiful and they have a pretty wide range of sizes, too.” This particular harness, for instance, comes in sizes ranging from an 8 in U.K. sizing (that’s about a 4 in U.S. terms) up to a 22 (or U.S. size 18). If you want to be matchy-matchy, you can even pair it with a lace bralette that the company also sells.

You only get one O-ring that can’t be switched out, but they let you specify whether you want a standard one (1.57 inches in diameter) or a large one (2.09 inches). You can machine-wash the Laney; just don’t tumble-dry it.

SpareParts Deuce. People with penises can wear harnesses as well! There are a lot of reasons you might want to do this: As a workaround for erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, as a way of acting out a double-penetration fantasy or just for variety’s sake.

This two-strap harness is specifically made for such people, and fits waists ranging from 35 to 65 inches. It’s got two holes, so you can fuck someone with your penis and a dildo or with two different dildos at once, or just keep it simple with only one dildo.

Leather and Faux-Leather Harnesses

Aslan Leather Jaguar. This handmade leather harness is my go-to, and it’s Sexsmith’s as well. “It’s incredibly well-crafted [from] very high-quality materials,” they tell me. “This comes from a company that knows how to make strap-on harnesses. They’ve made dozens of models, and refined it, and the Jaguar is their quintessential model.”

The one linked above is the two-strap version, but if you prefer a single-strap harness, they make one of those too. Both come in two size options that can accommodate, respectively, waists from 26 to 44 inches and from 36 to 56 inches. The O-ring can be switched out as needed, though you’ll have to buy your own rings.

Unlike some leather that needs to be “broken in” before it’ll feel comfy, these harnesses come soft and supple already, and conform to the skin in a highly sensual way. As with all leather harnesses, this one requires some specialized care and cleaning compared to fabric, and isn’t the best choice if you want to use it with multiple partners. But for fans of the classic BDSM aesthetic and the way leather feels against skin, the Jaguar is among the most gorgeous options available.

Aslan Leather Vegan Jag. Love the look of the Jaguar but don’t want to wear leather? No problem — there’s a faux leather version of the same harness. It has the same sizing and kinky-AF aesthetic, with the added benefit of being waterproof, so you can hand-wash it with warm soapy water and you don’t risk ruining your harness if you take it into the shower or tub for some submerged strap-on sex. It’s a vegan’s wet dream!