Like with all aspects of sex outside of abstinence, nobody ever teaches you about anal — how it feels, how to prepare for it, what position to do it in. Because of this, it’s hard to bust the many misconceptions surrounding anal — for example, that it hurts, that you’ll bleed, that your anus will be permanently stretched or that small dicks are better for it. When it comes to the latter, the idea that you can’t enjoy anal sex if one — or both — of you has a big dick is particularly nonsense.
“Believe it or not, smaller-than-average penises can pose just as many issues as larger-than-average penises,” says Evan Goldstein, an anal surgeon and the founder of Bespoke Surgical, a gay men’s anal and sexual health clinic. Goldstein explains that all sizes of dicks have the potential to cause tearing or fissures “if things get too rough.” In the case of big dicks, this can happen if “not enough lube is used, or the receiving partner hasn’t properly dilated ahead of time to help stretch the skin and muscle appropriately.” When it comes to small dicks, however, they can often “fall out while thrusting, so the receiving partner might feel like they’re constantly being poked at irregular angles.” This can also cause irritation or tearing.
Porn performer Rachel Starr can attest to the fact that for her, size does “100 percent” matter when it comes to anal comfort. “A thicker dick will always take more preparation and warm-up time,” she explains. “A medium in length dick size is most ideal — around six to seven inches. With too short of a dick, the initial pain of getting past the sphincter muscle will take longer to subside, because the head of the dick is constantly stimulating that muscle. And too long of a dick hits very deep inside and causes a deeper discomfort as well as more friction.”
This rundown is echoed by porn star Kylie Le Beau, who says that although she’s “a size queen” when it comes to anal, she prefers “an average-sized cock, or up to 8.5 inches.” She agrees that preparation is essential: “There’s no such thing as rushing anal. You need to always prepare to prevent tearing.”
To prepare, both Starr and Le Beau say they avoid eating anything for between 12 and 24 hours before filming anal scenes (amateurs don’t really need to do this, though — you could just stop eating two hours before, or, as Goldstein says, you could instead just incorporate more fiber into your diet and then douche before you fuck). Meanwhile, Le Beau cleans the night before — and takes an Imodium as “an insurance policy,” while Starr does a “water-only enema” two hours before the shoot, then again “immediately prior to intercourse.”
Again, in non-professional sex, you probably don’t need to have as rigorous a routine as this. But Goldstein does advise that you embark on a size progression and muscle-tightening journey welcoming a dick. “If someone is new to anal sex, anal dilation and stretching exercises will be important to be able to enjoy bottoming,” he explains. “This should ideally start four to six weeks ahead of time, because it takes a while for both the skin and the muscles to build strength and flexibility.” Goldstein says that you should also invest in a dilation kit — which typically comprises a set of three butt plugs — and work your way up in the sizes. “Start with the smallest for just a few minutes a day, a couple of times a week,” he suggests. “You’ll want to work your way up to the medium or large plug — depending on the size of your partner — by the end of the six weeks.”
“I often say that the best bottoms bottom often,” he continues. “That’s because the sphincters are muscles that need frequent engagement; otherwise they’ll go back to their starting point.” But, he warns, “it’s important to make sure these muscles don’t get worked too much, especially with larger partners, toys or fists. The best way to prevent this from happening is to do contraction exercises using butt plugs (simply clenching down on them) on ‘off’ days [when you’re not having anal sex].”
Despite all the work that accompanies anal, Starr and Le Beau agree that it’s definitely worth it. “What I love about anal is the fact that my orgasms feel much more intense,” says Le Beau. “This won’t be the case for some, [as not everyone will] cum from anal. I’m lucky in that sense.”
As for how dick or toy size factors into pleasure and anal orgasm, it’s really about personal preference and the sensation you’re going for. Some people love the deep impact of a huge dick; others find it massively uncomfortable and prefer something smaller. As with any type of sex, there’s no “superior” size, nor is there any universal preference — it’s all about what feels good to the receiving partner and how the person with the dick accomodates their needs.
Thus, when done right, anal sex with any size of dick can feel great. Starr says that her orgasms are much more powerful with anal than vaginal sex, particularly when combined with clit stimulation, and describes anal as a “very unique feeling compared to vaginal intercourse.” “There’s also something very arousing about the submissive part of me allowing someone to dominate me with anal sex,” she concludes.
Which, you now know, any ol’ dick size can do.
Brit Dawson
Brit Dawson is a London-based journalist who mostly writes about sex, women's rights and sex work. She is also the staff writer at Dazed.
