2-11-19

A-A-A-Ass Week, Killer Mike Sounds Off and the AirPod Flex Meme, Explained

I’m really digging this bonkers Zaron Burnett III interview with rapper and activist Killer Mike.

Mike and Burnett cover everything from Mike’s thoughts on John Wick to Noam Chomsky to the Parkland Kids, and dude’s got some opinions, man. Not that I agree with all of them. But the way his mind works is fascinating. A Second Amendment nut who loves Bernie Sanders and calls Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez “truly progressive”? I’m hooked.

I don’t want to ruin it for you, so do yourself a favor and check it out — along with everything else from an excellent MEL Monday — below.

Must Read

“How Porn Stars Who Built Careers on Having Big Tits Are Surviving in Our Ass-Centric Culture”
It’s Ass Week on MEL this, uh, week, and we thought we’d kick things off by asking, “When did it become a bad thing to be a skinny bitch?!?!” That’s the question one of the most acclaimed porn stars of all time, Brittany Andrews, wants answered. As an adult actress who made her AVN Hall-of-Fame boner fides in the tittylicious 1990s, she and her fellow big-breasted MILFs are saying “no” to Brazilian Butt Lifts and the bootylicious 2010s. Rather, they’re leaning into what God a plastic surgeon gave them and specializing for the boob-loving crowd that’s left. READ MORE

A Film Critic On… ‘Cold Pursuit’

On what it is: “Liam Neeson plays a snowplow driver who decides to get revenge for his son’s murder.”

On what makes this ‘Liam Neeson: Action Star’ film different from all the others: “It’s the first of [Neeson’s] movies that will be completely buried by the disastrous publicity campaign that preceded it. Cold Pursuit isn’t even a film anymore — as far as the culture is concerned, it’s now just the thing that inspired Neeson to say Bad Stuff.”

On the toll that ‘Bad Stuff’ has taken on ‘Cold Pursuit’: As New York Times film critic A.O. Scott noted, ‘Neeson’s recent revelation … that he once came close to acting out his own racist revenge fantasies might spoil some of the fun.’”

On the simple wish that life not imitate art: “We don’t want the people involved in making movies to remind us of how flawed, strange and terrible people can be. We’d prefer they maintain the happy illusion of just being fun, lighthearted dispensers of uncomplicated entertainment.”

On ‘Cold Pursuit’s likely box-office fate: “If a film opens in theaters and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”

Read the rest of Tim Grierson’s take on Cold Pursuit, here  —  including how this isn’t the first time an actor has torpedoed their own project after putting their foot in their mouth; a list of other seriously dumb professions held by action-movie characters; and why The Grey is the single best example of the ‘Liam Neeson: Action Star’ genre.

Rapping with Killer Mike

How can a gun-toting gangster-rap anarchist love Bernie Sanders so much? Atlanta hip-hop legend Killer Mike, host of the new docuseries Trigger Warning on Netflix, sat down with MEL’s Zaron Burnett III for a deep conversation about the flawed country we call home, and why he’s dedicated to trying to fix it.

Lube Me Up

Why have another night of vanilla sex when you can slip ‘n’ slide around with some strawberry-flavored erotic massage oil?

That stuff doesn’t taste like strawberries for the hell of it — everything in Strawberry Warming Gourmet Massage Oil by Exsens is completely edible. Just don’t go putting it on your pancakes, considering that last ingredient, Sodium Saccharin, has been found to be carcinogenic in rats at high doses.

AirPod Rich

You’ve undoubtedly seen a pair of Apple AirPods, most likely sitting precariously in the ear of the coworker who asked you to buy them lunch last week because they were “too poor” to purchase their own Baja Fresh burrito. This, in essence, is the Airpods Flex Meme: An expensive accessory, purchased by financially imprudent people hoping to usher themselves into an elite and powerful class of humans — all while stunting on the rest of us.

Hot ‘N’ Married

Have you ever heard the myth that men get hit on more when they wear wedding bands? Well, my dudes, don’t go putting on fake rings just yet. Because the Wedding Band Myth is exactly that — a myth. The real explanation is totally different, Tracy Moore reveals, and every married guy should be relieved to hear it.

EXXXXTREME

Much like the inexplicable need to touch a doorframe, if something’s built to ride, guys are going to figure out how to ride it in the most extreme way possible. And e-scooters like Bird and Lime are no exception:

Sweet tricks, you guys.

Ian Lecklitner explores the butt-slammin’, Bird-wreckin’ world of extreme scooter bros.

Jeez, Can’t You Take a Hint?

It’s not just Tommy Boy — all men are big dumb animals. And that goes double when it comes to taking even the simplest of hints. “Subtle hints do not work, obvious hints do not work. Anything short of spelling it out ABC-style at us will not work,” confessed one male commenter in a recent trending Reddit thread about “male secrets women don’t know about.” And he wasn’t alone — hundreds of comments further down echoed that exact sentiment. So what the hell is going on here, and why do some men insist that conversational subtleties elude them like a balanced meal at Fyre Festival? Isabelle Kohn explains.

Get Your Fuck On, Mindfully

Sex is supposed to be a carnal, high-energy affair, isn’t it? Two bodies coming together to writhe violently until everybody gets their cookies? Not if you practice mindful sex, it isn’t.

Did I lose you at “mindful sex”? You’re not alone — Andrew Fiouzi felt the same way, but then he looked into the whole “focus, breath synchronization and sensate touch” thing and found out that it’s actually kinda hot.