I don’t think we’ll ever get to the bottom of whether Luke Skywalker boned down, and whom he might have boned down with, regardless of what Mark Hamill might say. Canonically speaking, there aren’t a lot of potential mates to choose from. Luke clearly preferred the soft touch of a woman, given his attraction to his sister, Leia, and the lack thereof for his hunk of a best bud, Han. So him, Obi Wan and Lando are out. And Leia, well, she’s his sister — so she’s out, too. I don’t mean to assume Chewbacca’s gender, but I think we can assume Chewy’s into wookies. C-3PO might be fluent in over 6 million forms of communication, but the “language of love” likely isn’t one of them. R2D2 is a trash can. Honestly, your head could spin trying to figure this stuff out.
Personally, I think if Luke did smash, he probably smashed with some nice, local moisture-farm girl on Tatooine who likely assumed that with Uncle Owen’s new droids working out, Luke was to transfer his application to the Academy before the harvest, and wanted to get a piece before he left.
But that’s just my opinion.
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Fuckin’ Bret
In honor of idiot author Bret Easton Ellis’ well-deserved shellacking at the hands of Isaac Chotiner in a recent New Yorker interview for, well, being an idiot, Miles Klee expounds on the phenomenon of dudes named “Bret” being born shitheads.
it’s hard to overcome the name bret, some even say its destiny is so powerful it cannot be overcome https://t.co/uII7LmgReA
— Dylan Brown (@dylanwalsdorf) April 11, 2019
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Early to Rise
There’s no better time than the morning to get shit done: Your fresh, there’s less traffic and you usually can beat the crowd to whatever you need to go. Unfortunately, getting up to do any of that is a struggle. That said, many people are seasoned pros at getting up at ungodly hours; and who better to mine for secrets to waking up early than them…
This Jedi Fucks ?
Did Skywalker die a virgin? Mark Hamill says no:
Make up your own backstory. It's undetermined, but in the one I made for him myself, the answer is: no.
— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) April 17, 2019
So let’s say that’s true — who did he lose his virginity to? We have some theories.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
