Why Men Act Like Dumb Idiots When the Wife’s Out of Town, What the ‘Balloon Boy’ Saga Means 10 Years Later and Forex, Explained

Well, my dudes, the jig is up: We’ve officially been given notice for letting it all hang out when the wife is away. No longer can we roam the empty halls of our homes naked, order the family portion of Chinese food (one set of utensils, only) or leave the toilet seat up for days on end:

Good luck ever telling your wife or girlfriend “I’m not sure what I’m gonna do tonight” without getting an eye roll to end all eye rolls. Like I said, the jig is up!

Must Read

“‘Balloon Boy’ Predicted the Entire Trash-Fire World We Currently Live In”
Almost 10 years ago to the day, a silver, helium-filled balloon drifted south from Fort Collins, Colorado, toward Denver International Airport. And the nation lost its collective mind. Without a doubt, the Balloon Boy hoax — i.e., when wannabe reality TV star Richard Heene attempted to use his son Falcon as a stepping stone to fame and fortune — was the original “Fake News.” In fact, the whole sorry saga bore the hallmarks of the bullshit that has consumed digital culture ever since. READ MORE

When the Wife’s Away…

Need a laugh? Search Twitter for “wife out of town,” and see what pops up. Yep, what you’ll see is so predictably Wife Guys Be Wildin’ it’s practically a meme:

Like death and taxes, it’s quite certain that when the wives are away, the Wife Guys will play. But the longing to abandon all standards when you’re alone suggests that in some of these cases, men are substituting being in a relationship for personal growth.

Power in Numbers

Finsta accounts, i.e., secret Instagram accounts for posting apart from prying eyes, are nothing new — just ask anyone in Gen Z. But group finsta accounts, i.e., one account for a group of friends keen on bonding over content not appropriate for their family-friendly main feeds, are, and they’re the closest thing to pseudo-anonymity online.

Nice Glass

One of the toughest parts of growing up is saying goodbye to your novelty pint glasses. Quinn Myers spoke to a number of guys who — at the behest of an adamant partner, an influx of adult glassware off a wedding registry or just to make a little more room in the kitchen cabinets — were forced to give up their prized collections.

What the Heck is ‘Forex’?

Short for foreign exchange, forex refers to the simple practice of exchanging currencies, something people have been doing since ancient times. But it’s only recently been getting the #HustlePorn treatment, which means if you hadn’t heard of it yet, it’s only a matter of time before someone asks you to “join their team.” Just one caveat: It’s probably a scam.

She’s Not Going to Fuck You, Bro

If you’ve had the audacity to reply to, or repost, a woman’s opinion in a public forum, chances are you’ve gotten some variation of “She’s not going to fuck you, bro,” in response. For instance:

It’s a sentiment that’s become one of the internet’s ultimate owns, and the dudes who peddle in it say that it’s a reply reserved for tryhards and virtue signalers. But is there something else at play here?

To Adopt or Shop for a New Pet

Despite what you’ve heard, an animal shelter worker and several animal owners who’ve adopted and shopped for their pets tell us there’s pros and cons to both.

Elevate the ‘Ass’

Maybe we should stop saying bad things smell, look and taste “like ass.” For a multitude of reasons — all ass-lovingly detailed here — ass is good now, and it’s high time we celebrate the booty in our vernacular, instead of denigrating it.

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Jeff Gross

Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.