Gotta give it to teens, man. People often argue that we’ve lost our inventiveness and initiative in this country, but you need only look at our young people and the amazing ways they’re able to take even the most innocuous product and figure out a way to get high on it.
Take “beezing,” i.e., rubbing Burt’s Bees on one’s eyelids for a quick jolt, for example: Somewhere, some kid said to himself, “Damn, I bet this would feel real nice if not used as directed.” And before you’re all like, “Bu-bu-but it was probably an accident!” let me just say no one “accidentally” smears lip balm anywhere near their eyes, ever.
Honestly, DARPA needs to hire these bros immediately, we’d be in flying cars in no time.
“The Male Dating Coaches Who Cater to Women”
There’s an ever-expanding group of male dating coaches catering exclusively to women who believe that, as men, they’re uniquely qualified to assist in doing so. That belief hinges on the fact that, to date a man successfully, women need to understand how men think — insight they argue only another guy can provide. C. Brian Smith spoke to a number of these male dating coaches about their services, and asked them about the criticism they’ve received that they’re perpetuating sexist myths about the differences between men and women. READ MORE
DNA Tests Suck — And They’re Even Worse If You’re a Person of Color
According to a recent study, around 40 percent of at-home DNA testing is likely to contain erroneous results, a statistic that’s often backed up anecdotally by countless stories online of people being blindsided by their wildly inaccurate family histories. Yet for people of color, whose genetic data comes from underrepresented DNA groups, the results are even less detailed and carry even more inaccuracies — a fact that testing companies have been slow and/or unwilling to acknowledge.
Don’t Tread On Me, Please
Chris Pratt, actor and lover of the Lord, recently found himself at the center of the dumbest of fake controversies with folks who took issue with him wearing a variation on the “Don’t Tread on Me” (aka the Gadsden) flag on his T-shirt, the culmination of which was this Yahoo! article, originally titled “Chris Pratt Criticised for ‘White Supremacist’ T-Shirt.”
No one, not even the Vulture writer above who first took note of the T-shirt, is quite sure how Yahoo! jumped straight to “white supremacy,” but damn it, if the hysterical right isn’t fired up about it. Which, in a way, they have every right to be, because the Gadsden isn’t inherently racist. But, as Miles Klee writes, the whole kerfuffle does accurately represent what the Gadsden flag has come to signify most recently: Impotent overreaction.
‘Woke’ Wrestling Entertainment
In an effort to put it’s less-than-woke past behind it, the WWE has gone hard in the opposite direction, aggressively promoting its efforts to increase its diversity and inclusiveness, efforts that many of its fans feel has been far too performative. At the same time, its new competition, AEW, is simply letting its incredibly diverse roster do the talking. But regardless of the approach, it remains unclear whether either will be enough to overcome wrestling’s history of sexism, racism and homophobia.
Credit Where Credit’s Due
Charles Ponzi gets a lot of credit for inventing his eponymous (and infamous) sham investment scheme. The problem is, the Ponzi scheme wasn’t invented by Ponzi — or by a man at all. It was invented by a woman — Sarah Howe — for the express purpose of scamming other women. Unfortunately, the work of this iconic female scammer has all but been erased from history.
This Is How I Chill: DJ Brendan Fallis
Brendan Fallis has a busy-ass life, what with being an internationally renowned DJ, entrepreneur and husband to an Insta-famous wife. So when he chills, he chills hard, with twice-daily showers, a bit of meditation, and of course, some lunges.
We’re All Spider-Man
Part of Spider-Man’s appeal is the fact that, at heart, he’s just a run-of-the-mill teenager who accidentally became a hero. That universality is largely what makes him so popular: Anyone could be him. It’s also why the Spider-Man franchise has long been called upon to more accurately represent the diversity of its large fanbase. And no where is that push for inclusivity more apparent than on TikTok.
The Secret Life of Beez
For a brief moment this decade, “beezing” was the frightening new teen trend to keep an eye on — and judging by the media response — overreact to. Many naive adults wondered aloud whether their kiddos were getting high on the stuff, while others wondered why they were doing it at all. Regardless, the bros who still beeze today say their passion has always been misunderstood.