5-14-19

Second-Generation Americans Losing Their Mother Tongue, Arya Stark’s Black Lung and the Bizarre World of Locker-Room Memes

As you might have heard, opinions are like assholes: Everyone’s got one, and they all stink. I remind you of that aphorism because I’m about to hit you with the stinkiest, least brave, and frankly, unoriginal opinion there is, and you are under no obligation to care.

Game of Thrones is really bad now.

There, I said it. Benioff and Weiss finally stuck their dicks in the mashed potatoes with that entirely unnecessary and gratuitous episode on Sunday. Just… barf. Hated it. If there was a silver lining to all that extra, it’s that the whole sorry affair has precipitated this Quinn Myers analysis of Arya Stark’s soon-to-be-problematic lung issues from all the smoke and dust she inhaled trying to escape the destruction. Don’t sleep on inhalation injury.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Must Read

“What It’s Like for Immigrant Kids to Lose Their Native Tongue”
The pressure on second-generation Americans to assimilate is powerful, and its impact can linger well beyond childhood and adolescence. Many children of immigrants are raised to eschew the cultural connections to their parents’ homeland in the name of becoming more American — things like cuisine, style and, most importantly, language. Despite the fact that their parents’ mother tongue is often their first language, that pressure to assimilate often stunts — or even eliminates — their ongoing ability to speak it. READ MORE

Before There Was the UFC, There Were the Yinzers

Conventional wisdom would have you believe that the history of professional MMA began in 1993 when Royce Gracie choked out basically, well, everyone en route to winning UFC 1. But 25 years before that (literally) no-holds barred event took place, two Pittsburgh fight promoters quietly launched a safe and structured precursor to the UFC with a mix of college athletes and bar-room brawlers. Their dream was to grow MMA on a national scale, and they began lining up sponsors that would turn that dream into a reality. But a tragedy in the ring derailed their aspirations, relegating them to little more than a footnote in history.

Moving to the Country

When Emmy-winning filmmaker and documentarian John Chester and his wife Molly left behind their lives in L.A. to start a biodynamic and environmentally conscious apricot farm, they knew what they were about to do would be a monumental undertaking. Naturally, that ended up being an understatement. Eight years in the making, Chester’s new film, The Biggest Little Farm, chronicles the journey he and his wife embarked upon, and the many challenges, setbacks and eventual triumphs they saw along the way. Tim Grierson caught up with Chester and spoke with the filmmaker about his hard (but rewarding) life off the grid.

Locker Room Talk

In his everlasting effort to document What’s Next™ on the internet, Miles Klee takes a deep dive into the wacky world of boys’ locker room memes, and the intense-yet-fleeting popularity they’re currently enjoying on Twitter and Reddit.

Originating in Russian social media, locker-room memes juxtapose the apparent anarchy of boys’ locker rooms with the civility of girls’ locker rooms, often with results that are as funny as they are bizarre. In reality, however, they’re much more of a reflection on what we think “boyishness” connotes, not what actual boys say and do.

Baby-Daddy Blues

Research shows that male postpartum depression is a very real phenomenon affecting some 2 to 25 percent of new fathers, numbers that increase to 50 percent if their partners are hit with it first. Unfortunately, doctors have found that diagnosing postpartum depression in men is far harder than it is for women, thanks to a host of institutional barriers. Here’s what’s preventing men from getting the help they need.

The Trouble With Rubble

Watching Game of Thrones this weekend, Quinn Myers found himself extremely concerned with the precarious situation Arya Stark, the show’s resident badass, found herself in trying to escape the rapidly deteriorating city of King’s Landing. Mind you, it wasn’t because, at any moment, Arya might be consumed by the dragonfire raining down from above, or because she might be flattened by a crumbling wall. No, he was concerned for the young girl’s lungs. Look, asbestos and carbon-monoxide poisoning are silent killers, okay?

No Love for Fido

There you are, nascent stages of a burgeoning relationship, she’s cool, she’s extra, thinks you might be the one, lets you have sex with the lights on, wants to move in with you — but there’s one major problem: She hates your pet, a pet you’ve had since you were like, 12, and a pet that’s practically a member of your family. What do you do? We asked a couples therapist, a dog psychologist and a dude who’s had dogs for more than a decade.

Alternative Lifestyles

Tired of working your life away to pay for a tiny apartment in a major city? Maybe you should consider building your own tiny house boat instead. A growing trend among millennials involves leaving normal living situations behind — like a house or apartment — and opting for something more “alternative.” Now, many of them are using YouTube and Instagram to share their unorthodox homes (and possibly make a quick buck in the process).

Leave Penis-Enlargement Surgery Alone!

A study published in the journal Sexual Medicine Reviews recently concluded what most people already assume: Penis enlargement surgery is a scam. That’s, um, largely because, for recipients of the invasive surgery, the negative side effects far outweigh any potential increases in length or girth. Surprisingly, the country’s foremost penis enlargement surgeon, Dr. James J. Elist, 100 percent agrees with the study’s conclusion; but in his opinion, the surgery he performs is still a totally worthwhile option for guys with less-than-ideal dick size. A paradox, no doubt — but trust us, the way he explains it makes perfect sense.