We all start somewhere, and every seasoned Bong Shaman was once entirely ignorant about the wonderfully hazy world of weed. Fortunately, valiant bands of budtenders have long been happy to guide us in our journeys, answering even the most moronic questions we have about weed.
So, as a reminder of where we regular smokers came from — and in an effort to perhaps learn something new — I asked a bunch of budtenders, many of whom are Budtender Awards winners, about the dumbest questions they get asked by ganja noobs.. You can find them below, along with their experienced answers.
How Do I Put in Weed Suppositories?
The Budtender: Aletha Little at Nature’s Care Company in Illinois
Her Answer: I usually recommend that someone put them in the freezer or fridge so they don’t crumble on you when inserting — which happens a lot with a certain brand. I also find that a propped foot with a slight lean forward helps with relaxing the butthole. Also, using the other hand to spread the one cheek is the trick to inserting fully! People get nervous and don’t follow through, though.
What’s the Best Weed Strain for Erectile Dysfunction?
The Budtender: Joe Nelson at Buddha’s Wellness Center in Oregon
His Answer: The guy was a little over 80 years old. I was actually taken aback for a second, then grabbed some Empower 4Play and explained how I had similar issues when I was injured a few years back. It won’t get you at-attention, but it may send in more sensation and natural blood flow, as opposed to Viagra and such (he’d already brought it up).
We looked up some information together, and he left happier and informed, but leary, and he wanted to come back for more info. I told him I’d do some research, and we could talk more next time. He’ll be in tomorrow for tincture-topical Thursday for a discount and more conversation. Fingers crossed he shows: It would be really awesome to help him enjoy life to the fullest.
What’s the Best Weed Strain for Sex?
Budtender: Emily Rios at TJ’s on Powell in Oregon
Her Answer: I thought about specific strains that I’ve heard customers and budtenders alike describe as “euphoric.” Generally, it would appear that description is most associated with the more energetic terpene profiles in cannabis. Our Silver Hawk by Yerba Buena and Durban Poison by TJ’s Gardens are fan favorites, along with Voyager 1 by 7 Points, or even Helen Back Pinesicle by High Noon Cultivars. They’ve been loyal TJ’s customers ever since.
Is Weed a Gateway Drug?
The Budtender: Jared Leighty at Weedmaps (Note: All the remaining questions and answers were provided by him, too.)
His Answer: Cannabis is among the most widely available — and widely used — plants in the world. It’s common for cannabis to be one of the first substances used by people in their lifetime, including nicotine and/or alcohol. So it makes sense that certain people who want to consume other drugs have already tried cannabis first. This doesn’t mean those drugs are linked in any way to cannabis. In fact, there are more people who try cannabis and stop further drug consumption than those who go on to other drugs, such as heroin and cocaine.
Correlation doesn’t equal causation. The willingness and likelihood to try drugs means that those who go on to other hard drugs after cannabis would have tried those drugs earlier if they were given the chance. The small percentage of hard drug users compared to the substantially higher percentage of cannabis users supports the claim that cannabis isn’t a gateway drug.
The application for medicinal cannabis shows an even lesser chance of patients using it as a gateway drug. Many patients have moved on to medicinal cannabis after enduring many years of opioid use and addiction. The safe history of usage actually makes medicinal cannabis an ideal transition away from dangerous opioids. There’s no conclusive evidence that the drug effects of marijuana are causally linked to the subsequent abuse of other illicit drugs. A study from 2017 by the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration shows that approximately 123 million Americans use cannabis, while only 5.3 million have ever used heroin.
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Can You Die From Weed?
His Answer: There has never been a single recorded or confirmed death from a cannabis overdose in the history of humankind. While it’s true that any substance can be considered dangerous if you consume too much of it — and sure, cannabis may have been a contributing factor in instances of negligence — those examples aren’t even remotely close to the numbers of alcohol-related deaths or overdoses from prescription pain pills.
People opposed to cannabis are quick to jump on any perceived drawbacks of the plant, and tend to spread the message of fear and hate that amplify these messages incorrectly. But the truth is, excluding a few medical pediatric exceptions, cannabis is intended for responsible adult usage.
Unfortunately for cannabis, when it’s used irresponsibly, the brands, retailers and consumers tend to get a spotlight shined on them, along with a whole lot of incorrectly-placed criticism. Whenever there’s a DUI or death related to alcohol, we don’t see a major push to remove beverage companies and ban alcohol altogether. But the fact remains that cannabis is still illegal with a negative public stigma and perception attached to it for no logical reason beyond the fact that it was installed with a misguided tradition and xenophobic and fear-mongering agenda by those in power at the time.
Will Weed Make Me Lazy?
His Answer: The “lazy stoner” stereotype has been a difficult one to remove. That statement is nothing more than an overgeneralization. Sure, there are certain strains that could make the user feel sleepy or lethargic, but there’s no evidence that cannabis use is associated with low intelligence or low motivation. And just like there are relaxing effects, there are plenty of other strains that make its users feel happy, energetic or creative.
Patients with debilitating health conditions use cannabis to alleviate ailments like pain, anxiety and nausea. This allows these patients to feel better and focus on their day instead of their condition. However, there’s some evidence supporting the fact that it may inhibit full brain development in younger users, so cannabis is best when consumed responsibly by adults.
Does Holding in Smoke Make You Higher?
His Answer: Many consumers think that holding a hit of smoke or vapor in your lungs when consuming cannabis will make you feel “higher.” You may in fact find yourself thinking that you do feel higher, but it’s not from cannabis itself.
Truth is, it’s because you’re depriving your brain from oxygen, resulting in lightheadedness. A human’s lungs can only hold about five to six milliliters of oxygen per minute. Studies indicate that 95 percent of the THC in cannabis (the psychoactive chemical compound) is absorbed within the first four to five seconds after inhaling by the millions of alveoli in your bronchial tubes. So, if you hold your hit in for three seconds or 30 seconds, there’s only so much that your lungs can hold and absorb at any given moment.
Again, if you fill your lungs with smoke instead of oxygen for an extended period of time, you’re going to feel lightheaded, not high. Once the psychoactive components are absorbed through your lungs into your bloodstream, they’ll start to react with your endocannabinoid system within moments, and your high will be dictated by your product’s potency and your own bioavailability, not the length of time the smoke or vapor is in your lungs.
Will Indica Make Me Tired?
His Answer: Another broad generalization and, plot twist, indica and sativa are relatively obsolete. There’s a common misconception in the industry that one of the only deciding factors a customer needs to consider when purchasing marijuana is whether or not the product is derived from a cannabis indica plant or cannabis sativa plant. The truth is, this binary comparison was started as a marketing technique in the illicit market to sell to new consumers years ago, and it has now been adopted by everyone.
But really, unless you can confirm you’re smoking a landrace strain (a strain that has never been cross-bred from its point of origin), chances are you’re smoking a hybrid. Indicas and sativas rarely exist in their pure forms, and the effects from the chemical compounds from that same strain will still affect people differently.
Since we’re all different, and cannabis experiences vary, the cardinal rule is to test small doses of strains with different cannabinoid (THC, CBD) and terpene (what gives cannabis its aroma) levels — as well as consumption techniques — to see how you react.
Ian Lecklitner
Ian Lecklitner is a staff writer at MEL Magazine. He mostly writes about everyone's favorite things: Sex, drugs and food.
