So you’re thinking about having public sex. Maybe you like being in nature. Maybe you’re into the spontaneity of public fucking. Or maybe — and most likely — you love the thrill of potentially being seen.
Still, just because you’re into the risk of getting caught, that doesn’t mean you want to face the reality of it — the awkward apologies, the rush to cover up, and worse, the threat of being spotted by a law-loving narc who takes great pleasure in calling the cops on your al fresco ass.
Where does this leave you, then? As someone not already embedded in the public sex scene, you’re probably just planning on taking a chance on a quiet location when you happen upon one. But what if you didn’t have to? What if you could find a tried-and-tested spot that guarantees you an exhilarating but carefree public sex experience?
As kinksters familiar with the BDSM and fetish social network FetLife will know, the site is a haven for public sex recommendations. As well as groups for discussions and advice about public sex in general, FetLife also boasts a plethora of location-specific groups, where users offer tips on secluded spots or arrange to meet up. Amateur — and maybe professional — porn stars even use the forums to find hidden places to shoot, as Canada-based Serenity Cox recently told me.
So, to help you get started, here’s a round-up of the top FetLife tips on how to have the best public sex. As I’m not a law-loving narc myself, I’m not going to spill the deets on specific locations — you’ll have to sign up to the site to see those yourself.
Do Your Research
As much as it would be a dream to find a location on FetLife and blindly go with it, you should still do your homework — even on a recommended spot. “Pick an experience you want to have and do some research,” advises one user. “Maybe a shit ton of research. Maybe like obsessive research.”
When investigating a location, this person suggests that you check for things like security guards, cameras and places where people might walk “by, in or through.” You should, they add, also look into “people traffic — when do people arrive during the day, what types of people walk by.” Apparently Google’s visit data — which tells you how busy an area usually is at any particular time — is especially helpful for this. Then, “control axes of visibility, and entrance and exit” — for example, find a place where you can hear someone coming before they see you, so you can, as this person says, “make it look innocent enough.”
If this sounds extra, maybe it is. “I’m laughing as it sounds like I’m planning the storming of Normandy Beach,” the kinkster admits. “But let me say this: I’ve had public sex in almost every setting imaginable and have never once been caught.”
Others offer more specific advice. One person says “semi-secluded picnic areas with tables and shelters are the best,” while another suggests — for car sex — that you try and find an “industrial park or a semi-hidden parking lot” and that you might want to go at night. One user swears by hot springs, specifically in less-busy winter months. “It’s like you’re having sex in a hot tub, but you’re outside enjoying the view of Mother Nature,” they wrote (though conceded that hot springs aren’t particularly easy for most people to find).
For those concerned about the ethics of non-consensually involving strangers in their public sex encounters, FetLife users suggest restricting your exhibitionism “to places where people know there’s a chance to see a naked person or a person having sex and approve of it.” Think: nudist beaches or organized sex parties. After all, nothing really ruins someone’s day like seeing a couple fucking behind a dumpster in their parking garage.
Bring the Essentials
Everyone might have a different idea of what counts as essentials when it comes to public sex — maybe just a blanket for some; a specific sex toy for others. One key item — particularly if you’re having sex with strangers — is a condom. Or, even better, a bunch of condoms. That one’s a no brainer.
Now, over to FetLife: One person suggests bringing what they call a “go bag” with you. That is, a bag that contains items that enable you to “clean up yourself and your partner as quickly and efficiently as possible” (as well as, sensibly, bug spray and bug bite salve). The person doesn’t go into detail, but presumably this includes tissues or a cloth (for the cum, obvs), and maybe things like hand sanitizer, or even a sweater to put over you in case you get any sex juice on your clothes. To each go bag their own.
Depending on where you’re going — and if you have one — a car is a fairly reliable essential. Good for accessing more secluded locations, as well as for quick getaways and, of course, for having sex in.
If you don’t have a car, but want a little privacy, a tent is a good option. But amateur porn couple TravellingLovers — who shoot a lot of beach-tent porn — tell me it’s worth “bring a bigger tent than you would usually bring” — a must “if you want to have sex in different positions.”
If You’re Meeting a Stranger, Be Safe
As well as bringing condoms if you’re planning on having sex with strangers, there’s a number of other precautions you should take — particularly when taking location advice from FetLife. Responding to my post on Reddit asking about people’s experience of using the site for public sex, one person advised: “I’d vet the place ahead of time, be sure you check out every aspect of it before you agree to go. Take something you’re comfortable carrying, whether it be mace or a taser. Better yet, if you can go with someone else, that would be ideal.”
If you can’t or don’t want to go with someone else, it would still be worth telling someone where you’re going and roughly how long you might be there. Also, keep your phone fully charged and easily accessible. As the redditor said: “There are some pretty great places out there, you just have to be cautious.”
Have Fun
Obviously this is a given, but the main point of public sex — and any sex, for that matter — is to enjoy yourself, so prioritize your safety and consent. There are countless stories of public sex encounters on FetLife that you can use for inspiration (and to get you in the mood), like the couple who fucked on a bench in the middle of a busy park, the strangers who got spotted in the bedding department at Macy’s or the person who jerked off their Uber driver mid-trip.
Just remember, if you find a good location, it’s your duty to share.
Brit Dawson
Brit Dawson is a London-based journalist who mostly writes about sex, women's rights and sex work. She is also the staff writer at Dazed.
