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MEL Visits a Sex-Doll Brothel, Tamping Down the Ol’ Vagina Neck and Going Down in Flames at the Office Holiday Party

It’s a rite of passage to make an ass of yourself at a holiday party at least once in your life. Think about it: Life is about creating memorable stories, i.e., those things you reminisce about with friends, family and whomever you work with after you get fired for making an ass out of yourself at the holiday party.

There is a time limit, of course. If you’re middle-aged your ship has sailed, my friend. Thirty-five and up, and it just looks like you’ve got issues.

Moral of the story: Don’t get drunk on punch and tell the boss his wife is “bangin’”. That shit won’t end well for you.

Must Read

“An Evening at North America’s First Sex-Doll Brothel”
We did it, you guys. We sent C. Brian Smith to Toronto to get his groove on with a female sex doll. Which, is ironic, given that Smith is gay. Details, shmetails. But seriously, folks, Aura Dolls, North America’s first sex-doll brothel, does provide an important service: Sexual gratification for men with social anxieties, disabilities or are otherwise too shy to contact a real-life sex worker, but still see pleasure as a basic human right. READ MORE

This. Is. Spartan.

What’s with single guys with barren-ass apartments? You’ll buy a 65-inch flat screen, but you can’t spend $20 to get a houseplant? Face it, bachelor-bros: The excuses you trot out for your spartan living situations are suspect at best.

Big Winnahs

If you’re anything like me, you leave Las Vegas a little (or, a lot) poorer than you were when you arrived — my friends actually call me “the cooler.” Some people, however, are blessed to know what it’s like to win, and win big. Like these three guys who beat the odds and took Vegas to the cleaners.

Lady Santa

Santa Claus is a jolly ol’ fat dude who loves milk, cookies and delighting children the world over. But that hasn’t stopped women from taking their best shot at wearing the shiny black boots in the Claus family. In fact, lady Santas have a storied history that goes back 80 years.

Neck Gash

What do Donald J. Trump, Larry King and Fat Bastard have in common? Their necks look like a specific type of female anatomy:

 

We kid the president, but for real, neck vaginas are a thing. And if you don’t want to end up with one, there’s work to be done.

How to Dress Well

It’s no secret that men have long come up short when it comes to staying on top of fashion trends and having a clearly defined style aesthetic. That does seem to be changing though, and Reddit — of all places — is leading the charge in providing guys the tools they need to dress well.

Let’s Talk Nuts

Nuts! There are all kinds. Unsurprisingly, some are better for your body than others. Macadamia nuts, for example: Not so good for you. But pistachios? Load up, dawg. Here now are 10 of the most popular nuts, ranked by how (un)healthy they are for you.

Party Animals

We here at MEL barely survived our holiday party last night. Let’s just say, mistakes were made. But as wild as it got (looking at you, Nick Leftley), our shenanigans were borderline tame compared to these 8 guys who fucked up big time at their holiday parties. Pissed pants and accidental, festive condom ties? Let’s do this.