Article Thumbnail

How to Last Longer in Bed When You Haven’t Had Sex in Months

There’s a lot more to it than just thinking about your favorite baseball players

As we proceed into the post-lockdown phase of the COVID-19 crisis, single people will soon be able to finally break up with their dominant hand. (“It was an intense three months, Palmela!”) And when they do, they’ll hit a new market of slightly plumper beings who’ve grown thirsty as fuck in the four-ish months they’ve been locked away. “We’re going to be so starved,” says intimacy and relationship coach Lia Holmgren. “Every single sex act is going to be much more sexually stimulating than usual.”

But while it might be the best time to score in this country since the Summer of Love, guys who have been cooped up inside will need to prepare themselves. Overstimulation means a greater chance that their O-face will make an earlier-than-usual appearance. And so, to avoid being too quick on the draw post-quarantine, here are some steps men can take to ensure things last a little longer than the length of a pop song… 

Wear Condoms

In the parodic comedy classic Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, the protagonist, Ashtray, has a heart-to-heart with his diminutive father during a fishing expedition. The topic? Hooking up.

For a second, the chat turns serious, with dad cutting Ashtray off during a personal sex story. “Hold on. You use a condom?” the father asks. 

Momentarily distraught, anticipating that his father will be disappointed, Ashtray mutters, “No.”

“Good!” his dad yelps in proud celebration. “Yo, never use condoms, son. They take away all the feelin’.”

Ashtray’s dad is obviously no sex educator, but he was onto something — condoms do subtract from sensation during intercourse. You should still practice safe sex, of course, especially if you’re coming out of quarantine and engaging with a new partner. It’s just that in these uncertain times, when you might be a little extra-stimulated, there’s even greater motivation to wrap up your penis. 

Masturbate Beforehand

Holmgren says that when she brings men to sex clubs with her, she finds that the atmosphere is “so sexually stimulating for guys [that] they cum pretty quickly.” Her prescription? “Just masturbate before you go.” That way, when you get to the proverbial party, you don’t have to cum right away. 

Urologists believe that a guy has full ejaculate reserves if he abstains from sex for up to about seven days. Abstinence doesn’t create greater nerve sensitivity, according to one study — though it does help with sperm strength — but for some reason, as a man’s batch builds, the body has an easier time willing it out. So, if you don’t think it will impact your erection, try emptying the reservoir before post-quarantine sex.

Practice Edging

With all this time spent sitting at home, many men are burning (at least a few) calories off by masturbating more often than usual. While you’re at it, practice “edging,” which involves reducing stimulation just prior to orgasm in order to stave it off. With edging, you can learn when your body reaches its “point of no return,” then pull back momentarily and, shortly thereafter, reconvene with whatever you were doing. 

“At first, the agony of being so close to climax and not getting there can seem like torture,” says redditor VoyeurOfBliss, who posts what he calls “educational videos” on Pornhub that show off his edging prowess. “But by pushing through it to realize it’s key to controlling your own body can be a great tool toward making your genitals perform like a rock star.” 

To master edging, he says a man should “ride” his point of no return “over and over in a single session, learning the different ways [his] body can react or maintain the arousal.” He does so by thrusting his hips or flexing his kegels; sometimes he says he’ll utilize different dick grips, too.

“After hundreds of experiences with the edge of orgasm, I have no fear of it and have no problem pushing past that edge but also keeping total control of my muscles,” Voyeur explains. “I choose when and how powerful the orgasms are, and what muscles contract, to repeat orgasms or modify them.”

So, edging will not only keep you from cumming faster than you’d like, it’ll also potentially make your orgasms more intense

Think About Something Else

In another comedy flick, Singles, from 1992, the co-lead male character, Steve Dunne, finally gets into bed with the woman he’d been pining over for months. Wanting to make a good first impression, an overstimulated Steve does something many men do: He thinks about sports. Soon, his mind wanders into the locker room of the Seattle SuperSonics — the franchise now known as the Oklahoma City Thunder. The film cuts to a shot of then-SuperSonics star player, Xavier McDaniel, giving a post-game interview, where, over a few seconds, he expels platitudes about teamwork and other jock nonsense. 

Unfortunately, the tactic only works for so long. Suddenly, McDaniel looks into “the camera,” and says, “Steve, don’t cum yet,” which was the director’s way of telling the audience that Steve has, in fact, cum, apparently impregnating his new girlfriend. 

Other go-to distractions in such situations for guys are math, dead puppies and their grandmother, to name just a few

Extend Foreplay and/or Afterplay 

Studies show that the overwhelming majority of women don’t orgasm strictly from penetrative sex. So, if you’re about to have sex with a woman, don’t feel too much pressure to perform in that stage of the encounter like you’re some kind of porn star — chances are, it won’t even be the most satisfying part of the experience for her. Same goes for if you’re having sex with a guy, a trans person, a non-binary person or anyone, for that matter — again, penetrative sex simply doesn’t go on for the length of time it does in naughty-boy internet videos, and there are lots of other ways you can please and stimulate them that don’t involve your erect, ejaculating penis. 

Holmgren suggests that, after quarantine, men focus on extending foreplay or afterplay (or both). Most people will appreciate a nice, nude massage, and, obviously, some good oral sex and fingering, too. Rounds of tease and denial could lead to better orgasms, for both partners, as well. Along these lines, Holmgren advises men to welcome sex toys into the bed, eschewing intimidation or notions of emasculation.

“A lot of guys say they don’t like when their girlfriends always want to have toys when they have sex, because they feel like they aren’t enough,” Holmgren says. To that, she points out: “It’s really hard for a man to please the clit and have [penetrative] sex at the same time. A toy takes away that focus for the guy, and he can just focus on fucking.” If you’re with a partner who has a penis, a cock ring, anal toy, masturbation sleeve or kink item is also a good idea. 

Men might also be well-served if they don’t think about sex as something that starts with a hard-on and ends with a load blown. “I hate that it’s so penis-centric, maybe even a little resentful,” says Courtney Kocak, a comedian, writer, and co-host of the sex-positive podcast Private Parts Unknown. “You need to think about your partner’s pleasure all the time, that’s key. So if you’re just going in there and trying to get yours, I don’t know how good that’s going to be for your overall sex life.”

Just Talk About It

The coronavirus is still very much out there, spreading and taking lives across the country. But with even New York City dipping its toes into a “reopening,” after serving as the nation’s epicenter of the COVID-19 crisis, individual biome expansion at least appears safer than it’s been since wintertime. 

Pick your partners wisely, and when you do, open a dialogue about your concerns over premature ejaculation if you have them. “The most important thing here is the communication,” Holmgren says. “If a guy’s really, really turned on, he should say so, and everyone is going to understand. No shame.”

The Medical Definition of Premature Ejaculation — Or, Exactly How Soon Is Too Soon?

Kocak says that, when a guy cums quickly during intercourse, “it’s not necessarily an insult.” Instead, it could be perceived as a manifestation of the great appreciation they might have for a woman’s look or sexual vibrancy. But if a man is concerned they will ejaculate fast, they should be the one to broach the subject, and discuss a Plan B, like extended foreplay.  

The effort would be embraced, and Kocak doesn’t believe many women would write off some guy if, during the first time they had sex, post-quarantine, he came quickly and then figured out additional ways to get their partner off. “I feel like at this point we’re all adults, and everyone in this situation needs to cum,” Kocak says. “It’s 2020. There should at least be equality on that front.”