8-8

Everything That’s Wrong with Bernie Sanders’ Jump Shot, The Year of Sexy-Ass Fruit and A Tribute to the Life of David Berman

Ya rat bastards remember the days when applying for college was all about athletics, or the parties, or shit, if you were a nerd, the school ranking? Yeah, those days are long gone. Now, it seems, kiddos are picking colleges based on how back-breakingly awful their student loans will be.

Look on the bright side: there’s always clown college.

Must Read

“The Arresting World of Citizen’s Arrest Fail Videos”
You know how you occasionally (or in my case, constantly) watch justice-porn videos where some asshole gets their comeuppance and you feel a certain je nes se quoi? Citizen’s arrest fail videos are kinda like the inverse that, with the warm-and-fuzzies coming from watching John Q. Public exert his “authoritAH,” and failing miserably (and hilariously) in the process. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry — mainly from laughing. And you’ll ask yourself why anyone would choose stopping petty crime as their hill to die on. READ MORE

Damn — You Fine, Fruit

At no point in human history has the humble fruit reached quite the level of fuckability as it has in 2019, and we don’t even need to point to Call Me By Your Name to prove it — just peep how brands are advertising now:

Humans have long associated fruits with friskiness. But as Miles Klee points out, today’s cultural climate is reinforcing the idea constantly — and from every angle.

Bernie Sanders Can’t Follow Through

You thought this was going to be a post about politics, didn’t you? Well, the followthrough of which I speak of isn’t in regards to whether he’ll ever be able to follow through on “Medicare-for-all.” It’s in regards to his jump shot:

Crazy Bern’ doesn’t follow through, and I’m not the only one who thinks it, either. Quinn Myers asked a slew of professional basketball coaches to analyze the presidential candidate’s 1950s-style free throws, and they all agree — Bernie needs to work on his jumper.

Fund My Travel, Please

What’s a “begpacker”? Mostly, they’re Western (often white) tourists who travel the world, begging local populations to fund their expeditions. Recently, awareness of their schtick has exploded online, leading to a great deal of negative sentiment directed at begpackers traveling in Asian countries. What their existence should do, however, is remind us all that we’re guests of the countries we visit, and acting irresponsibly is a dick move.

Dudes, Chill

Men, and by proxy to some extent the conservative media, have been positively filling their already full diapers over a recent study about so-called “foodie calls,” i.e., the dates some women go on for the free meal. But are foodie calls actually a thing? And if so, can we just say: Who the fuck cares?

Fight!

Anime does fight scenes better than Hollywood. Prove us wrong.

RIP, David Berman