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All the Reasons ‘Monster Mash’ is Actually a Graveyard Smash, Booing For Our Freedom and An Intro to Male Witches

If your Spotify playlist for the week doesn’t include Bobby Pickett’s “Monster Mash,” seek help.

What, you’re not convinced it’s a graveyard smash?

Get the fuck out of here. I don’t want to hear any hullabaloo about how the song isn’t simply about a Monster Mash and that we never hear the Monster Mash itself, or how there’s no indication that the events of the song take place on Halloween. Not only is it *literally* the perfect song, its origin story slaps, too.

Must Read

Booing is the Purest Form of Democracy
President Trump was met with a sea of boos yesterday at a World Series game in Washington D.C., and really, it’s about time. Some “civility”-loving politicians might call it “un-American,” but loudly booing someone is among the more healthy signs of a democracy, and has been for millennia. Plus he, like, totally deserves it, duh. READ MORE

Dog-Poop Dilemma

It doesn’t matter how nice the neighborhood is, whether you’re looking for it or not, you will see dog poop. On the one hand, why the fuck can’t people just have the decency to clean up after their pups? On the other, aren’t the folks who don’t give a shit just going to keep not picking up their dogs’ turds regardless? All things considered, trying to solve the dog-poop issue seems like a waste of time. So just look out for number one (and number two, natch) by watching where you’re walking.

Dad Skills, Minus the Dad

Changing a tire, fixing a leaky pipe, unclogging the garbage disposal: All classic DIY dad skills. But not everyone has a Mr. Fix-It for a father. Thankfully, we’ve got plenty of ways to ways to figure out how to fix things that don’t involve inheriting dad’s DNA.

Witch, Wizard or Warlock?

“Witch” doesn’t just refer to a woman who practices “magick” (that’s what witches call it). Most male Wiccans prefer the term “witch” to “wizard” or “warlock,” too. Because whether casting spells, “scrying” mirrors, making potions or simply meditating, for guys who dabble in the dark arts, it’s all just witchcraft.

Braaaaaaiiiiiinnnsssss

Zombies watching their heart health better be careful: The brain contains 1,000 percent of our daily recommended amount of cholesterol.

That said, (cow) brains are a decent source of protein and minerals. Still, be sure to watch out for the rare case of bovine spongiform encephalitis — i.e., Mad Cow Disease.

Fellas, Is It Gay to Suck a Dick?

You wouldn’t refer to a gay guy who had previously slept with women as necessarily “straight.” Why, then, is it automatically “gay” for straight men to experiment with other men? As Quinn Myers explains, that double standard is more proof that our system of identifying a person’s sexual orientation is hopelessly outmoded.

The Grown-Up Instagram Boyfriend

Part of being a good boyfriend today is being able to take good photos. And while some may see taking Insta-worthy pics of their boo as a necessary chore to keep their partners happy, others have discovered a new passion for getting the perfect shot. Hussein Kesvani spoke to guys in the latter camp, all of whom have graduated from Instagram Boyfriend to Photography Boyfriend.

Basketball Booty

Some guys aren’t content to just wear boxers under their pants. Some require a third layer in between, and goddamn it, only basketball shorts will do. Gym-shorts-under-jeans was once a cool, if impractical, fashion trend, but not everyone gave up the practice when it went out of style. Joe Longo spoke to the guys still committed to the look, and they have their reasons.