Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider Is Better Than Champagne

It’s simple really: One tastes great and embodies seasonal cheer, the other tastes like a country club feels and embodies capitalistic snobbery

Ban Santa from Any Commercial Intended for an Adult

I’m a grown man, I don’t need a large magical elf from the North Pole to help me decide whether or not I should buy a Chevy

Ribbons Can Go Fuck Themselves

What, the festive wrapping paper wasn’t enough? Eat shit, you plastic garbage

Your Beautifully Decorated Christmas Cookies Taste Like Shit

Sugar cookies aren’t any good to begin with. Somehow, though, they’re even worse when lacquered with festive frosting