Article Thumbnail

Actually, the Mesh in Men’s Bathing Suits Is Nice and Good

Unless you enjoy body surfing while your dick flaps around like a loose rudder, it’s your secret best friend and you should stop complaining about it

Many men view the netting in their swim trunks as nothing more than a bothersome enigma. It feels confining, they figure, while carving it out with scissors and blithely chucking it in the trash. And while I completely understand the bother of having your dick and balls mashed into one, I propose that, similar to athletic cups, the mesh in swimsuits acts like a seatbelt — and while it may feel uncomfortable at times, it ultimately serves to protect your Richard.

Before I press on with my argument, I should mention that, if the netting in any of your swimsuits feels exceedingly uncomfortable, you could be dealing with a sizing issue (or you may have a supersized hog). You could also be suffering the ramifications of purchasing cheap swimwear, which can easily aggravate your naughty zone, netting or no netting. These are just a few considerations if your experience with the mesh in bathing suits is unbearable, in which case, I suggest maybe trying out a few more options.

Now, back to my proposal: Yes, that netting is indeed there for your own good. As you may have experienced before, salt, sand and seawater can increase the amount of friction between your body (read: penis) and your bathing suit  — and therefore the potential for chafing. 

This becomes even more troublesome if you happen to be an active beachgoer. Imagine this: You see the perfect wave heading your way. You feel it take you up and prepare for the most radical body surfing moment of your life. But then, because you sliced out the netting in your swimsuit, your Johnson starts flapping and whipping around as your body torpedoes forward. It slaps against your thigh. Then your swimsuit. Then your other thigh. Then your swimsuit. You immediately feel the stinging, but once you make it safely to shore, you peek into your swim trunks and realize your peen is completely raw — and it will stay that way for weeks to come. 

Had you left the netting in, however, your body — and more importantly, your delicate peen — would have been extra aquadynamic in that moment, and you may very well have caught the most memorable wave of your life, rather than the most memorable rash. 

Chafing aside, the netting in swimsuits also serves to camouflage your shaft when the soaked swimsuit fabric presses up against it. Now, I can understand if you want to flaunt that imprint, but for many dudes, swimming in the cold ocean and cool pools can result in shrinkage, so having some extra coverage through the mesh may help you avoid earning an inaccurate reputation.

Finally, I want to suggest that the netting may prevent any curious sea creatures from perceiving your dangly bits as bait. While perhaps an outlandish suggestion, might I remind you that the ocean is a mysterious place with mysterious creatures. Realistically, even if the netting would do absolutely nothing to protect against these creatures, the feeling of safety that it provides can go a long way in helping you make the most of your ocean time.

Now please excuse my and my extra aquadynamic peen for a quick second… 

Party wave!!!