It’s funny, I’ve never thought about why socks are so ubiquitous among male porn performers. Possibly because I have other things on my mind. But after reading this piece and giving it a good long think, it’s an important question. Socks suck. You sweat in them. They look terrible in any and all situations. And they’re about the least sexy article of clothing I can think of. Personally, I can’t wait to take them off, and I’d never, ever wear them while fucking.
And yet… have you ever thought about what’s caking the floors after an all-day porn shoot at a McMansion in the Valley? I’m not saying tube socks are condoms for your feet, but they’ve got to at least provide some sort of sensory deprivation, and at most, some peace of mind.
I dunno, in regards to adult actors, consider me team “socks.”
Must Read
“This Is What Happens When Sex Work and Local Elections Collide”
Deborah Demander Reno has been running for the City Council of Evanston, Wyoming, a small town on the Utah border. But she recently found herself embroiled in a dirty, ahem, scandal — all on account of her used drawers. You see, Reno had been secretly selling her soiled underwear on the internet under the name of “Mystee Crockett.” And this fact, it seems, has become a disqualifying controversy for the pearl-clutching townspeople of Evanston. But c’mon, it’s 2018 — why can’t we elect a woman who sells used panties online? READ MORE
Spider Bros
There are few wild beasts as misunderstood as the spider. Sharks come to mind. But other than sharks, spiders sure do get a lot of guff. Which is a drag, because spiders are super cool — like, cool in the sense that they eat all the bugs that actually suck-ass, like mosquitoes, flies and the like. And for a while now, one chill subreddit has been doing its damndest to reverse the stigma attached to these super-chill arachnids: r/spiderbro.
STOP ? WITH ? THE ? SMALL ? ASIAN ? COCK ? BIT ?
Body shaming is never cool, especially when it’s based on a racist stereotype. But as recently as 2016, joking about “hard-working little yellow people with tiny dongs” was perfectly fine on Primetime TV—during the Oscars, no less. Eddie Kim charts the provenance of this slur, and reports on how Asian men are fighting back.
Wake Up
You’ve hopefully never driven drunk. But have you ever driven while sleepy? I know I have, but it wasn’t until today that I learned that drowsy driving is nearly as dangerous as drunk driving, to the tune of 80,000 injuries and 6,550 deaths, annually. Thankfully, a new type of blood test is poised to help cops to determine who’s too tired to drive, and bust them. Which means heavy-lidded motorists have a brand-new incentive to pull over and sleep it off: The risk of getting a DWD (Driving While Drowsy).
Beautiful Boy
The new Steve Carell drama Beautiful Boy is chiefly about the struggles of addiction. In the film, Carell plays David, a father struggling to reach his meth-abusing son, Nic, played by Timothée Chalamet. But as Tim Grierson writes, below the surface, Beautiful Boy is about the unfair burden dads place on their sons to fill the gaps in their own self-worth.
Cum Dumpster
How’s that for a segue? But seriously, do you ever wonder about how much of your splooge ends up on a towel, rubbed onto your partner’s stomach or in a box under your bed? Well, wonder no further: Andrew Fiouzi did the math.
PSA: Baby-Changing Tables Are Gross
Look, I get it. Babies need to be changed, and better on a purpose-built table than on a public bathroom floor. Plus, you should be so lucky to even find a changing table when you’re out of the house. But dang if they aren’t the grossest fucking surfaces this side of a toilet seat in an airport restroom. Check out what types of bacteria your kid might be grinding their butt into:
- Pseudomonas (common, but dangerous around open wounds)
- Gram negative rods (found in fecal matter and infectious)
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- Staphylococcus (nasty fucker that causes MRSA)
That’s just a taste, too; there’s plenty more where that comes from. That said, you don’t need to settle for a Level 3 hot zone—here’s how to turn your changing table into a surface fit to eat from.
Useless Cucks
If #MeToo has taught men anything, it’s that the useless cucks who pretend to be allies while passively affirming the status quo aren’t that much better than the serial harassers and abusers. C. Brian Smith spoke with two experts in male accountability and allyship about how guys can start holding themselves and the men around them accountable.
Tube Socks on the Tube Site
No, it’s not just you. Female porn performers are fully aware of and mystified by how often they’ll find themselves in the midst of a chiseled man in cheap tube socks. And in more shocking news, the practice appears to be entirely unplanned—just ask porn director Jacky St. James, who told Tierney Finster that if one of her male actors is wearing socks, it’s not because she asked them to:
Read what other female porn performers have to say about getting down with their tube-socked colleagues, and what the men sporting them while they fuck have to say about it, here.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
