The Power of Solicited Dick Pics, On AOC’s ‘Unequally Attractive’ Boyfriend and the ‘Bad Mom’ That Taught Pablo Escobar How to Be a Narco

In case you haven’t heard, it’s May. Again. You know, that special time of year when a combination of increasing heat and increasingly bad takes online portends an internet meltdown:

And no take so far exemplifies “Meltdown May” more than the one concerning AOC’s normal-dude boyfriend. Meltdown SZN, indeed.

Must Read

“The Great Solicited Dick Pic Experiment”
On Christmas Day last year, a bored, hungover and slightly horny Miles Klee sent up a joke tweet that, unbeknownst to him at the time, would lead directly to one of the greatest human sociology experiments since Stanford Prison:

The DMs he received in response were clear: Send that shit. Because what Klee didn’t realize at the time is that, when given the choice to receive a dick pic, people’s whole relationship to nudity changes; and what began as a joke turned into a treatise on what we can learn about male shame, platonic nudes and gender expectations from sending your boner to strangers who actually want to see it. READ MORE

Queenpin

If you’ve ever seen Narcos on Netflix you’re well aware that Pablo Escobar, former kingpin of the Colombian drug trade, was a bad mamma jamma. When he wasn’t smuggling tons of cocaine into the U.S., Escobar was killing judges, bombing airplanes and murdering his country’s soccer stars. But as awful as his reign of narco-terror was, Escobar would never have become the bad man he became if it wasn’t for the bad woman who came before him: Griselda Blanco. Because it was Blanco, a ruthless Colombian drug lord in her own right, who reportedly showed Escobar the ropes, and was more violent and brutal in her smuggling tactics than even El Patrón was.

A Film Critic On… ‘Long Shot’

On what it is: “Seth Rogen returns to the ‘ugly guy getting hot woman’ narrative trope for Long Shot, another movie based on the fact that there’s no way in hell his character would be able to woo the female lead.”

On Long Shot being a great movie for incels: “The beautiful woman isn’t really even a person — she’s just there to make us feel better about ourselves.”

On Rogen playing to type: “It’s not that Rogen’s Fred is a bad guy. He’s a coarser version of the aging slacker-bros he’s portrayed in recent films like Neighbors, but there’s a core decency to the character.”

On the ‘realism’ of Theron’s character: “She swears, loves old-school New Jack Swing and has a sharp sense of humor — she’s one of the guys with supermodel looks.”

On this ‘art’ not imitating life: “In real life, [Charlize Theron’s] character would give him the quick brushoff. But this is a movie, where magical things can happen. Also, ludicrous ones.”

Read more from Tim Grierson’s review of Long Shot, here — including his investigation into whether it’s possible to quickly come down from “molly” (a drug that plays a role in one of the film’s comedic set pieces); an investigation into whether it’s safe to call Jennifer Aniston a “movie star”; and a brief guide to the band Roxette.

Here Comes the Rooster

Move over, Tabasco — no hot sauce is as permanent a fixture on dinner tables these days as Sriracha. And no brand is as synonymous with Sriracha as Huy Fong Sriracha Sauce, a.k.a., “rooster sauce.” So what’s actually in the stuff, and is any of it going to kill us, or at least, cause mild to serious gastrointestinal discomfort? Let’s find out.

Vanderpump Rocks

Kyle Chan is a jeweler to the stars. In particular, to the newly engaged stars of Vanderpump Rules — the sweet Southern belle Brittany Cartwright and her dirtbag beau, Jax Taylor.

Which is to say he knows a thing or two about how to put some serious shine on your proposal. Naturally, we asked him all of our burning wedding-season questions — like what the hell IS a cushion-cut diamond, anyway?

Seeing Red

The color red has long been associated with a range of intense emotions, foremost among them being anger — hence the phrase, “seeing red.” But that’s just a metaphor, right? We don’t actually “see” red when we’re pissed, do we? According to researchers, the reality is, we do — just not quite in the literal sense.

Let’s Talk About AOC’s Normal-Dude Boyfriend

The trope that millennial women settle for lesser men is a broadly popular one, and it was on full display this weekend after Marie Le Conte, a political journalist and U.K. media personality, tweeted and deleted this “joke” about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s boyfriend:

Deleted, no doubt, because by all accounts, the guy AOC is “shackled to” is a guy who sounds sweet and supporting and beloved by her family. And, as Miles Klee argues, perhaps the whole cursed discourse that proceeded that Very Bad Tweet is a backdoor way to comment on AOC’s appearance as it relates to her success.

Into the Great Wide Open

A couple of months ago it was revealed that the late great comedienne Lucille Ball was a big fan of “poppers,” i.e, amyl nitrite, a drug popular with gay men because of its ability to loosen anal sphincters. Which might seem strange considering Lucille Ball was not a gay man, and not to pry too much, but short-term anal slackening wasn’t likely what the 77-year-old was using them for. Perhaps instead, then, Ball simply understood what non-butt-sex-using-poppers fans have understood for a while now: That, given you don’t abuse them to the point of hurting yourself, poppers can be used for all sorts of surprising non-sexual reasons.

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Jeff Gross

Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.