Evidently, I chucked a pillow at my girlfriend a few nights ago while we were sleeping, though I have no recollection of doing so. Looking back, I think it was probably Karmic retribution for waking up recently to her having stolen and assimilated my pillow, a slight which subconsciously I decided she would live to regret. We’ve since agreed to a cessation of hostilities — her from being a thief in the night; me from weaponizing a bag of feathers.
Needless to say, throwing a pillow at your sleeping girlfriend is not one of the prescribed strategies in this piece on how to deal with a bed — or in this case, a pillow — hog. But it will do in a pinch.
Must Read
“People Are Using the ER for Mental Health Crises. Experts Say It’s the Biggest Problem in Emergency Medicine”
Despite more scientific knowledge and pharmaceutical innovation than ever, experts say that Americans’ mental health seems to be getting worse in the last two decades, with more suicides and emergencies despite advancements in physical medicine. Unfortunately, this crisis is playing out in ERs all over the country. Otherwise healthy people, ambushed by a debilitating storm of physical symptoms that paramedics and doctors can’t quickly fix, are leaving ERs short-handed. And those in the midst of a panic attack (or worse) are left without the treatment they need. READ MORE
If Looks Could Kill
Among the themes of Conversations With a Killer, the new Netflix docuseries about Ted Bundy, what’s most resonant is that people couldn’t accept Bundy’s wickedness because he didn’t fit some phantom profile of who a mass murderer should resemble. Basically, he was too handsome — and that, Tim Grierson writes, points to a larger, societal issue about basic human nature and the faulty assumption that only people we perceive as the “other” are capable of terrible things.
I Did It All Four (the) Loko
Ten years ago, if you wanted to party (without spending a small fortune on cocaine), you reached for the “blackout in a can” known as Four Loko. Sadly, not everyone agreed back then that mixing caffeine and alcohol was a smart move.
RIP, Four Loko.
Thankfully, one brand’s loss is another brand’s gain. And the new kids on the block hoping to get dumb 21-year-olds turnt is the Austin, TX-based BeatBox, an adult beverage that promises to be “the party starter, and finisher.” Yikes. Miles Klee spent the weekend putting the artificially neon booze through its paces and found the “party” woefully lacking.
Gimme Back My Bed
All we can ask for in this life is food in our bellies, a roof over our heads and more than a sliver to sleep on in a queen-sized bed. Unfortunately, that last one is often harder to come by when you factor in these three bed-hog offenders:
✅ Your partner (you really need *all* the pillows?)
✅ The dog (the “foot” of the bed is now basically the whole deal)
✅ Your kid (don’t you have your own bed?)
Sound like your life? You and me both, brother. Here’s how to bag some goddamn sleep anyway.
If You’re Not Haggling, You’re Doing it Wrong
After growing up poor and never buying what she couldn’t afford, Tracy Moore came to realize later in life that people of means often haggle over everything. Now that she’s the mother of an 8-year-old, she’s made it a priority to teach her daughter that, no matter who you are, much of life can be negotiated.
Did You Know?: Water Fountain Edition
Here’s a fun fact for all you germaphobes out there: Public water fountains, purveyors of sweet, sweet H2O that each of us as children used to wrap our whole mouths around in an effort to never lose a drop, are gross. So gross, in fact, that most water fountains have roughly 50 times the amount of bacteria of the communal dog bowl outside of your local Starbucks. Drink up!
We Did the Math — The Moving Math
Generally speaking, hiring a moving company is expensive: Like upwards of thousands of dollars, expensive, and double if you’re moving cross-country. “Fack,” you probably say to yourself. “Why don’t I just do it myself and save a boatload of cash?” Well, wait a minute, there, chief — let’s break down what you’re paying for, why you’re paying for it, and then decide, mmk?
That’s A Stretch
Jason Priest, personal trainer and fitness nutrition specialist for Dad Bod Health, says that the most important time to start stretching is when you’re young — for injury prevention, better range of motion and as a routine to adopt as you get older. To which I say:
So what’s a mid-30s desk jockey like myself supposed to do? Here’s how the pros suggest you start up a stretch routine.
Papa’s Gonna Choke You Out
Oliver Lee Bateman is no stranger to the chokehold. His father would routinely threaten to choke the life out of him, and even left a few bruises the times when he made good on that promise. But his father misunderstood something that his son came to know and appreciate about the chokehold: It’s not an instrument of terror — it’s a miraculous, multipurpose move that under the best of circumstances offers the choker a mixture of defense, power, and in certain circumstances, excitement.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
