11-27

The Bloodless Robot Uprising, Bacteria-Killing Beards and Why Amazon Thinks Your Dad Is Lame AF

Counterpoint to this Miles Klee piece on Amazon’s apparent hatred for father’s everywhere, based off of their “lame” gift guide for dads: What are you supposed to get him? Please, someone answer that question for me.

This year, my dad wants an Instant Pot. (Side note: Has a kitchen gadget ever had better marketing?) You might say, “Now there’s a nice gift.” To which I’ll reply, “He will never, ever in a million years, use an Instant Pot.” So I’m back to square one, because I want to get him something he’ll actually, you know, use and appreciate.

Ah, screw it, he’s getting a “World’s Best Dad” mug.

Must Read

“The Future of Robots Won’t Be Like ‘The Terminator’ — It’ll Probably Be Worse”
Here’s the good news: There are no T-800s that need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle and no Skynets becoming self-aware. The bad news: While we won’t see the plot of T2 come to life any time soon, machines are slowly, methodically destroying our economy, our relationships and our sense of self. Tim Grierson spoke with Maxim Pozdorovkin, the documentarian behind HBO’s The Truth About Killer Robots, about the robo-pocalypse that’s already here, and an eerily empty future where we don’t even remember what it’s like to be human. READ MORE

Gay We Marry?

Despite the fact that asking for permission to pop the question is a sexist relic of a time when daughters were still considered property of their fathers, many gay men still participate in this outdated ritual — despite nary a woman in sight. So, why? After asking a group of gay men about it, C. Brian Smith found that their reasons are actually quite nuanced.

A Beard A Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Need another reason to grow a beard, other than you probably look sexier with one than without? How about the fact that beards hold a secret that may prevent the spread of bacteria, and make allergic reactions way less pronounced. Just don’t ask how — it’s, uh, kinda gross.

Amazon Hates Your Dad

Dads are boring, poorly-dressed dorks whose only remaining interests are grilling, beer and DIY projects. At least, that’s how Amazon’s gift guides make it seem.

These are actual examples from the “gifts for dad” section of Amazon

Judging by that, yes, Amazon hates your dad. But frankly, someone is buying this dreck. And that makes us just as complicit.

It’s Mostly Nice, Being Nice

It may fly in the face of conventional wisdom, but nice guys don’t always finish last. That, according to a recent study out of Australia, which shows that emotionally stable, talkative agreeable dudes have more sex than their fucked-up brethren. But don’t count your chickens, nice guys — there’s a caveat.

Problem Child

Hate your kid’s best friend? Is their whiny, annoying shit-head behavior rubbing off on your otherwise good kid? It can be tempting to tell your son or daughter that they can’t hang out with the little hell-raiser, but according to the experts, that would be a mistake. Here’s what you should do instead.

Creep-Free Zone

There’s being an awkward party-goer, and then there’s being a straight-up creep. Don’t be the latter. It’s easy! Just follow these simple rules, from Reddit, of all places.

But more importantly, if you know someone’s a creep, your level of involvement needs to be more than merely warning your fellow guests about Uncle Cliff’s touchy-feely behavior. It’s time to get off your non-confrontational ass and do something about it.

A Man Among Sponges

It greatly saddened us today to learn that SpongeBob SquarePants creator Stephen Hillenburg passed away at age 57. Miles Klee writes that Spongebob wasn’t just a generation-defining cartoon megastar, or the perfect blank canvas for internet memelords — he was the standard-bearer for fluid masculinity, unbound by the real world’s often toxic definition of what it means to be male. And that, Klee writes, is what made the character universally beloved.