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Too Hot to Handle: What to Do if You Sunburn Your Dick

It’s like a sunburn anywhere else, but worse, because you know, it’s your dick

So you were just enjoying a lazy Sunday in the nude in your perfectly private backyard when your body betrayed you and you fell into a luxurious mid-afternoon slumber. Upon waking, you discover that you’ve burned — all over. Now you’ve gotta enter the workweek with a goddamn sunburn on your dick. What the hell are you supposed to do?

Not to make you feel any worse, but seriously, how many times do we have to tell you to wear your friggin’ SPF? We even have a whole guide dedicated to putting sunblock on your junk specifically

Anyway, the first step in assessing how you should go about treating ole lobster cock is determining how bad the burn is. Per MedicalNewsToday, sunburns are usually classified as either first- or second-degree. A first-degree sunburn will be pink-to-red in color as well as warm and sore. There may be mild swelling or blistering, too. A second-degree sunburn features many of the same symptoms, but worse. Your skin will be dark red, shiny and wet, and broad swelling and blistering are a given (ditto for a significant amount of pain). 

The good news? Unless you have a lot of blistering, you can treat your sunburnt dick yourself at home, without the aid of a medical professional or a doctor’s visit. Along those lines, aloe vera is perfectly fine to put on your dick — just stick to the pure kind, as additives like fragrance or alcohol may further irritate your skin. For regular sunburns, the American Academy of Dermatology also recommends applying hydrocortisone cream. This is okay for your penis as well, and commonly used by guys who have genital eczema. 

For the most part, you can apply the logic of any other sunburn to a sunburn on your dick. So avoid friction — meaning, yes, try not to have sex or masturbate — and stick to loose clothing. Most importantly, for the love of God, don’t even think about picking at your dick blisters or peeling off the skin. Your penis will heal itself if you let it; picking at it will only increase your risk of infection. Do you really want to be the guy who got a dick sunburn and then got it infected?

Oh, and one more thing: Next time, be sure to grease that hog up with some Banana Boat