In the opening seconds of a porn clip known only as “Banned Pepsi Commercial,” a cartoon redhead with preposterously huge jugs chugs a can of Pepsi, her tits bouncing as she swallows. Eager for more, she pulls open the refrigerator door and gasps in shock — as she should! — for crawling out of her refrigerator is the aluminum-clad, hyper-muscular body of Pepsiman, a 1990s superhero mascot whose only superpower was to deliver cans of Pepsi to thirsty strangers.
Pepsiman stands before his busty maiden, silver cock swelling and throbbing uncontrollably. After a brief blow job, she’s sprawled across the kitchen sink and he’s pumping her full of his carbonated juices (yeah, he cums Pepsi). As he thrusts, a familiar, upbeat jingle plays in the background: “PEPSIMAAAAAAN!!!”
This beverage-wielding superhero has been MIA since his last Pepsi commercial appearance in 2003, but he’s back now and hornier than ever. On Google, searches for “horny Pepsiman” shot up 3,700 percent in December, and in the filthiest corners of the internet, a handful of anime porn fans have animated their kinkiest Pepsiman fantasies. One Twitter account posts from the point-of-view of a gay Pepsiman with a 15-inch dick, a “big ass” and a “tight hole ready to be filled.” Sometimes he’s sucking dick; other times, he’s gesturing to his own hard-on, stating, “Here’s your large pussy.” In one particularly masterful rendering, he sits in a puddle of Pepsi — presumably of his own making. “H-hey,” he stammers in the accompanying caption. “Could you go a bit more softly p-please? I mean, I-I know it’s #SeductiveSunday but you still made me leak.”
This particular, pleading iteration of Pepsiman might be a beta sub, but the original Pepsiman was anything but. Back in the mid-1990s, Japanese ad creator Takuya Onuki envisioned him as the ultimate embodiment of an all-American alpha. In a years-long series of ads, which ran from 1996 to 2003 in Japan, a blueprint for the Pepsiman was born. The premise was simple: A person is thirsty, and Pepsiman rushes to their side with a can in hand, usually bashing himself in comedic fashion along the way.
The character disappeared decades ago, but the notion of Pepsi solving every problem imaginable is one that ad execs have clung to — and it hasn’t always landed well. Remember when Kendall Jenner ended police brutality by handing riot cops a cold, refreshing soda? The seeds of that PR shitshow were sown decades ago, in ads where Pepsiman rushed to bikini-clad babes and snowboarded through blizzards to give kids their fill of fizzy, delicious goodness.
“Pepsiman is funny, quirky and some might even say creepy, but he ticks all the boxes for perfect meme material,” says YouTuber and self-described “weird commercial guy” Devnul, whose hour-long documentary The Secret History of Pepsiman dives deep into his origin story. “Personally, I was fascinated by the fact that he’s supposed to represent the archetypal American superhero, but viewed from a uniquely Japanese perspective. Something might have been lost in translation, because most Americans just think he’s incredibly bizarre. In that way, he’s a pretty singular character.”
Quirky maybe, but what about sexy? Surely with his ripped abs, heroic nature and badass theme song, Pepsiman has always been a sex symbol.
According to Devnul, this sadly isn’t the case. “I must say I was a little surprised by your request,” he replies when I tell him about Pepsiman’s recent pivot to hardcore porn. “Actually, I’m not surprised at all. There’s an old internet proverb called Rule 34 that states, ‘If it exists, then there’s porn of it.’ I would be shocked if Pepsiman were exempt from that rule. After all, his anatomical details are paramount in precision.”
In his wildly comprehensive documentary, Devnul uncovers the mascot’s fictional backstory: Pepsiman is a former scientist who became a superhero after discovering the Holy Grail of soft drinks: “Holy Pepsi.” He spawned his own action figure, spin-off characters — shout-out to his under-acknowledged, occasional sidekick Pepsi Woman, designed to represent Diet Pepsi Lemon Twist — and put Coca-Cola’s occasional attempts at sexy ads to shame.
Pepsiman’s cult following is still alive and well, as evidenced by a 1,200-member subreddit who just can’t quit him. There are some petitions in there to remaster the hot mascot, but it’s largely filled with gamers only just discovering his 1999 PlayStation game, which was developed by Japanese company KID. In the old-school PS1 game, now almost impossible to legally track down online, the superhero is forced to skateboard, dodge trash cans and scale highways to find nearby Pepsi vending machines for those in need of a saccharine pick-me-up.
I messaged the r/Pepsiman mods to see what they think of his new porn career, but nobody ever responded. Maybe I inadvertently broke the forum’s number one rule: Respect the Pepsi, and the Pepsiman. At least I didn’t veer into straight-up blasphemy by flaunting rule number three: “Any user who makes a second post suggesting that ‘other cola brand’ is better will be banned,” it reads. “May Pepsiman have mercy on your undeserving soul.”
All of which is just more evidence that while the ads themselves may be long gone, the online interest in Pepsiman is clearly alive and well. From YouTubers like Devnul creating hour-long specials on his unique brand of marketing genius to horny anime fans lovingly rendering his giant, aluminum schlong, the cult of Pepsiman lives on.
Twenty-five years after his conception, he’s still quenching our thirst.
Jake Hall
Jake Hall is a freelance journalist, fashion features editor and author. Their debut book 'The Art of Drag' is scheduled for release in May 2020.
