At some point in my life, I followed up a drink of Gatorade with a blow job. The precise circumstances are inconsequential. But I noticed, mid-fellatio, that my mouth felt slimier than usual, in a way that enhanced the experience for both parties. Afterwards, unprompted, my partner remarked that drinking Gatorade seemed to yield the ideal mouth conditions for performing oral sex on a penis. And thus, I come to you today with a recommendation: Drink Gatorade before giving a blow job.
It probably doesn’t have to be Gatorade specifically, though I do feel a particular allegiance to Florida and gators (though not necessarily the University of Florida’s Gators, for whom it was invented). Powerade or some generic, sugary electrolyte drink will likely do. But whatever brand you choose, make it blue — it’s my personal belief that blue drinks taste better, so don’t skimp when it comes to flavor.
The science behind why Gatorade turns your mouth into a slip n’ slide isn’t particularly erotic, but I’ll explain anyway. Gatorade helps you produce more spit — and spit that’s thicker, too. In fact, most sugary drinks will help your mouth produce more saliva. Hopefully, you’re well aware that Gatorade and similar beverages are absolutely filled with sugar, at 34 grams per 20 ounces. That’s only slightly less than straight-up soda, and two grams fewer than the maximum recommended daily allowance of sugar for adult men, per the American Heart Association.
When that sugar enters your mouth, your digestive system gets to work, breaking it down by producing enzyme-filled saliva. On top of that extra saliva, when those enzymes break down the starchy sugars of the Gatorade, they produce a byproduct that’s slightly thicker than regular spit. Similarly, the bacteria in your mouth reproduce themselves when there’s something for them to feed on (e.g., sugar). In order to stick together, they produce a biofilm that can feel vaguely slimy in our mouths as well.
But Gatorade isn’t just sugary — it’s also salty. That’s why it’s marketed as a sports drink, to replenish the electrolytes (aka salt in the blood) you lose from sweating and intense exercise. Thanks to osmosis, our bodies will bring water to wherever there’s salt in the body. Composed mostly of water, saliva is a means of doing so in the mouth.
As both a salty and sugary drink, Gatorade therefore produces this perfect combination of extra, thicker saliva in a way that water or an only-sugar drink like soda can’t. That said, Gatorade’s effects aren’t going to be super dramatic. You’re not going to be frothing at the mouth or anything. It also takes a few minutes for the bacteria and enzymes to do their thing, so, you know, give it a minute.
I promise I’m not alone in this theory. One friend told me she puts Propel packets in her water on nights she might hook up with a guy for this purpose, and former porn star Sovereign Syre previously told me that performers often drink Gatorade before big sloppy blow-job scenes. But there are some caveats — mainly that sugar-mouth should be avoided if going near a vagina, since that can easily lead to an infection.
In any case, let’s say that I’m wrong about this. What, you’re gonna be mad that I told you to drink a delightful beverage before lovingly providing your partner with oral pleasure? You’re mad that you got a few extra electrolytes in before taking your mouth for a spin? It’s Gatorade. There’s nothing weird about casually drinking some Gatorade and then having sex. People do it without knowing the benefits all the time. I personally love any excuse to drink Gatorade.
Bottom line, you’re welcome.
Magdalene Taylor
Magdalene Taylor is a staff writer at MEL. She covers internet culture, sex and the online adult industry. She lives in Brooklyn but is from God's Country, Western Massachusetts.
