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NoFappers 4 Kanye, CliffsNotes for Prestige TV and the Problem With a Lack of Morning Wood

Kanye West is now the one true god to all NoFappers, rich shitheads have, once and for all, killed Deadspin and the president learned how to photoshop so he could pin the Medal Paw of Honor on a dog?

Looks like we all picked the right day to start sniffing glue.

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“Kanye West Is A NoFap Hero”
You read that correctly: Yeezy, as a result of his new religious phase and recently released anti-porn album, Jesus Is King, is a NoFap guy. At least, that’s the connection being made by members of NoFap, the grassroots internet movement for those who abstain from masturbating. To these young men, the message is clear: Stop jerking off and you too could become “a worldwide celebrity, musician and business mogul with a net worth of over $240 million (according to Forbes).” But is Kanye’s recent turn to chastity and Christianity endearing him with more sinister groups as well? READ MORE

Hot for Teacher

Here’s something the founders of Tinder, Grindr and the like probably didn’t anticipate: What happens when teachers see their students on dating apps. It’s a generally acknowledged but frequently ignored ethical norm that teachers shouldn’t date or have sexual relationships with their students. But the presence of apps and social media in both parties’ lives can mean that these decisions are brought to the fore more often than ever before.

Too Much TV

There’s little we as a society can all agree on these days, but more or less everyone is in agreement that there’s too much prestige TV. Most of us handle this annoying fact by carefully picking and choosing what we watch. But for others, there’s a more ingenious way to maintain the appearance of being up on all the hot shows: Cheating.

Why So Angry?

Kienan Robert, aka Poofesure on YouTube, has built a budding empire as the angriest gamer on the social video site by yelling unintelligibly at his TV screen and throwing Wii controllers across the room. It’s a shtick you might think would attract an equally angry viewership. Eddie Kim, however, says in his case at least, it has the exact opposite effect: The outbursts helps him find his zen.

And the Oscar Goes to… Reese’s Pieces

With Halloween coming up *checks calendar* tomorrow, Tim Grierson salutes cinema’s greatest sweets, candies and yes, (John) Candy.

What Am I, Chopped Liver?

Everybody knows, you can’t have a zombie potluck without a bit of liver.

Well, good news, eaters of the dead (in this case, chickens): Liver has one of the healthiest ingredients lists of all organ meats (and food in general). And since offal has fallen out of favor, it tends to be pretty cheap, too.

What’s in a Gym?

So you’re thinking about joining a gym: Do you join the expensive place, with its nightclub decor and its free green drinks for $200-plus per month? Or do you opt for the budget spot around the corner that’s nothing more than four walls and a weight room? The answer depends on why you’re in the gym in the first place — and, if you believe in the value of what the expensive gym is selling.

Less-Than-Good Wood

Has it been a while since you got any morning wood? Allow us to preemptively scare the shit out of you — that’s not a good sign!