Maybe I’m just lucky. Maybe I haven’t put myself in enough risky situations. Or maybe — as I like to believe — I’ve never broken a bone because I’m simply built differently. Among the 427,000 members of the subreddit r/NeverBrokenABone, this is the only obvious conclusion as to why none of us have ever experienced such an injury, positioning us as a sort of elite breed of strong-boned human.
On r/NeverBrokenABone, the chosen few revel in their superiority and shitpost about milk and calcium consumption. While there’s no requirement to prove members haven’t ever broken a bone, those who eventually do break them often post about it to say goodbye to the community. In turn, they’re ridiculed and banished.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a pleasure and an honor to serve with you all. Never forget,” one person wrote this week, posting a picture of their broken arm in a cast. “I hope the door hits you on the way out and breaks another. NOW GET OUT,” someone responded. Comments on similar posts are most often filled with people telling the broken-boned weakling to “begone,” “GTFO” or just calling them a “bitch.”
Part of the secret to not breaking any bones is, of course, drinking a fuck-ton of milk. And again, this is one of the underlying memes of the group, even if it’s quite controversial. According to some members of the subreddit, relying on milk is secondary to being naturally fortified enough to not break any bones. Similarly, there’s a rift between those who’ve been in situations where breaking a bone was likely and remained unscathed, and those of us who spend too much time indoors for breaking a bone to become a risk.
But all that controversy gets put aside when those who should have broken a bone but didn’t share their story. “Nineteen years old, I got [run] over by a drunk driver,” a guy recently wrote in what would become the most upvoted post of the week. “It was a hit-and-run, but I didn’t break a single bone. Got up and drove myself to the hospital; returned to finish my water polo season a week and a half later.” Everyone in the comments rallied around him in praise. “How much you wanna bet the driver was a frail little weak-boned bitch?” one poster asked. “You dropped this, king,” wrote another, adding the crown emoji to honor his infallible, strong-boned leader.
Whatever the reason may be for our lack of breaks and fractures, one thing is clear: Those of us who’ve never broken a bone are better than anyone who has. Is it because I don’t do sports and never climbed trees as a kid? Maybe. But that sounds like an excuse a paper-boned weakling would make.
Magdalene Taylor
Magdalene Taylor is a staff writer at MEL. She covers internet culture, sex and the online adult industry. She lives in Brooklyn but is from God's Country, Western Massachusetts.
