Article Thumbnail

Your Dick Needed a Rebrand. Enter the ‘Mild Penis’

A gentle dick is a good dick. In a world blighted by unsolicited boner pics, the forum r/MildlyPenis reminds us that manhood can be mellow

If we really do see what we want to see, r/mildlypenis is a paradise for peen lovers. “A subreddit dedicated to items that have some sort of phallic nature,” r/mildlypenis celebrates objects that resemble hogs of all shapes and sizes.

Here we see a clump of hair tangled into the shape of a dainty chode:

The hair in my shower was happy to see me from mildlypenis

Here we see a sweet potato that appears to have taken a few too many gas station sex pills:

Vascular sweet potate from mildlypenis

And here we see a forest dong that could give even the most adept BJ bestower a severe case of lockjaw:

i hope this isn’t a repost from mildlypenis

The concept behind r/mildlypenis — that we see wangs virtually everywhere — is nothing new. There are plenty of plausible explanations for why our brains are so hooked on anything even remotely shaped like a major Johnson: Evolution would suggest that our sex drive has us constantly on the lookout for sperm providers (or anyone with a Richard that could rival our own), and sociology would propose that penises have become a widely recognized symbol of power, cemented deep within our cultural memory. The explanation could be even simpler than that, though: Penises have a very distinct shape, which can be hard to ignore when stumbled upon in the wild.

But r/mildlypenis is more than just a community for sharing pictures of provocative carrots and other phallic imagery: It also highlights the unique appeal of a “mild” penis. In a world blighted by unsolicited boner pics, a pecker-shaped squash reminds us that a penis can be genial and mellow. Sure, it may be large, but it poses no threat — it simply enjoys being cradled, caressed and appreciated.

When dicks are so frequently used for crooked means, weenie-shaped foam atop a cup of coffee reminds us that a penis can be silly and whimsical. It can provide comic relief, even in otherwise tense moments. Furthermore, a mild penis is okay with being the butt of a joke, because a penis can be both funny and sexy, depending on the mood. A mild penis knows that.

r/mildlypenis is important because it serves as a reminder that, despite our obsession with legendary schlongs, penises can be mild, too. And mild penises are just fine.