When I was in college in the early 2000s, my roommate and I had a great idea for a start-up: A website where we ranked all-you-can-eat buffets by quality of the food, price, and of course, selection. Needless to say, we were pretty stoned, and the idea sounded good at the time.
What was good about our very-bad Yelp knockoff was that it gave us an opportunity to visit all of the local AYCE buffets guilt-free—we were eating for the cause, you see. (Word to the wise: Hometown Buffet doesn’t feel like your hometown, but it will give you the shits.)
Another good thing about our weed-induced million-dollar idea was that it taught me a thing or two about AYCE fine print—as Miles Klee explores in this piece—and how AYCE should be more accurately classified as “eat within reason, or else get 86’d.”
Fill up (just not too much) on that story and everything else, below.
Must Read
“The Makers of Sexual Harassment Training Videos Say Business Is Booming After #MeToo”
In the wake of #MeToo, the creators of sexual harassment training videos have been hard at work—filming, re-packaging and/or selling existing online courses to businesses scrambling to appear like they’re taking harassment seriously. But these courses have a major flaw, in that they focus on what not to do, rather than what good behavior looks like. And that’s leading to a failure by employees to internalize and apply what they’ve learned. READ MORE
A Critic On… ‘Norm Macdonald Has a Show’
On what it is: “Norm Macdonald Has a Show is an extension of [McDonald’s] recent podcast/YouTube show, Norm Macdonald Live, which established the no-big whoop aesthetic that rules his new program. And as with Norm Macdonald Live, the Netflix program devotes each 30-minute show to one guest.”
On Macdonald looking like he’s on the fence about this whole ‘talk show thing’: “It’s the first talk show where the host doesn’t seem like he wants to do it much at all.”
On Maconald and the show’s awkward, anti-show motif: “Many of his guests on Norm Macdonald Has a Show look either baffled or a bit unnerved by the host’s studious unprofessionalism.”
On wit, and the show’s lack thereof: “Wit is rarely in evidence in Norm Macdonald Has a Show. Instead, there’s a cynicism and laziness, a feeling that Macdonald doesn’t really care.”
On confusing Macdonald’s publicity tour for the show with self-sabotage: “The tone-deaf defense of Roseanne and others, the tone-deaf apology for his earlier comments and then his follow-up apology on The View. He comes across as a guy who deeply doesn’t get it — and, more importantly, doesn’t want to get it.”
Read the rest of Tim Grierson’s take on Norm Macdonald Has a Show here— including why Netflix is decidedly #problematic; the empty suit that is Adam Eget, Macdonald’s terrible co-host; and a look back on that one wonderful time Macdonald thought it would be hilarious to convince us all Questlove had died.
Get Sanitized
Reading the ingredients in hand sanitizer will put your WTF-o-meter in the red. I mean, what the fuck is Acrylates/C10–30 Acrylate Crosspolymer, anyway, and why the fuck would I want to rub something that might Cronenberg-me onto my skin?
Fear not, germaphobes. We figured out exactly what all that gobblygook does for you and to you, and it’s not half bad. Just don’t drink it.
All-You-Can-Eat, Schmall-You-Can-Schmeat
What a load of shit, AYCE restaurants—you advertise mass-quantities at a reasonable price, and then some guy eats enough food for five people without ordering a single drink (where you make all your money) and you ban him for life? What is this, communist Russia?
Miles Klee digs into the very finite limits of AYCE, and why you ought to read the fine print before separating the fish from the rice at your local sushi buffet.
What’s in a Name?
A “Tracy” by any other name wouldn’t sound as sweet, according to the dude who followed/lightly stalked our very own Tracy Moore (and 16 other Tracys) on Twitter. Intrigued by what appeared to be someone with a name kink, Moore got in touch with the guy and asked him what his deal is. This is what he said.
Rainy-Day Funding
People who are far better with money than me say that a good rule of thumb is that you gotta have six months of salary saved to handle whatever shitty hand life deals you next. For some of us, that’s a cinch; for others—waves hand violently—that’s easier said than done.
Grief Is Relative
You can love someone, and yet, dislike or even hate their ever-loving guts. And when that person dies, knowing how to grieve for them might throw you for a loop. Brian VanHooker examines how to navigate societal expectations and your own messy feelings in order to grieve for that family member you never really got along with.
The Inbetweeners
Sung to the music of Britney Spears’ “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman”:
I used to think
I had fitting clothes for everything
But now I know
That life doesn’t always
Go my way, yeah
Feels like I’m caught in the middle
Between two sizes
I’m not a small
Not yet a medium
All I need is a size
A fit that is mine
While I’m in between
I’m not a small
There is no need to protect me
It’s time that I
Learn to face up to my muffin-top on my own
I’ve grown so much wider than you know now
Just don’t tell me to eat less fries
I’m not a small
Not yet a medium
All I need is a size
A fit that is mine
While I’m in between
I’m not a small
But if you look at me closely
You will see it in my eyes
This schmedium will always shrink his
L-size shirts
Okay, okay, you get the idea.
But seriously, being between two shirt sizes will drive you insane.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
