What. A. Week. We published some stuff, and I can’t wait to recap it all for you. But where to even begin? Like, do we start with this piece on non-dairy creamer, and how fucking terrible it is for you? It’s got all types of crap in it that’ll make your brain bleed if you’re not too careful.
Or, do we start with something heavier, like this essay from staffer Eddie Kim on the casual sexual racism Asians experience on Tinder?
We could start with Brad Pitt, and the fact that the former World’s Sexiest Man is just the dude-version of whoever he’s currently dating at the moment. And that’s okay! You do you, Brad.
If I know you though—and I do—you won’t want me to forget to mention the sex stuff. And how could I? It’ll be a while before I’m able to shake Bridget Phetasy’s answers to man’s most pressing pussy-eating questions. But per usual, the real goldmine is our most popular pieces from the Week That Was—those you’ll conveniently find below.
Must Reads
“Some Guys Are So Bad at Sexting They Copy and Paste Sexts From the Internet”
There are numerous circumstances that might lead a guy to use canned sexts with his significant other: Perhaps he finds the whole enterprise difficult, his feeble attempts to sound sexy coming off as corny; or perhaps he’s busy watching TV, and doesn’t want to multitask. Numerous men went on the record (anonymously, of course) with features writer Hussein Kesvani and walked him through exactly why they found copy-and-pasting sexts better than typing dirty all by their lonesome. READ MORE
“Their Diet? 100 Percent Meat. And They Say They’ve Never Felt Healthier.”
Carnivore dieters swear by a litany of benefits from an all-meat regimen — first and foremost, that it leads to immediate and sustainable weight loss. And with high-profile evangelists like red-pill philosopher Jordan Peterson—and apparently, Michigan head football coach Jim Harbaugh hawking the diet’s benefits—the nutritionally questionable fad is sweeping the manosphere. But advocates aren’t just arguing for people to give the carnivore diet a try — they’re criticizing the entire foundation of nutritional science as we know it. READ MORE
“All of Your Practical Questions About a Threesome, Answered”
Found yourself two people willing to have sex with you at the same time? Lucky dog! If you’re like most people, however, it’s likely your first time ménage à trois-ing, and you probably have some questions about how it’s all supposed to go down. Not to worry — contributing writer Brian VanHooker reached out to a bunch of experts to figure out the basic mechanics of making the beast with three backs. READ MORE
“What It Means That the Far Right Sees Pedophiles Everywhere”
According to the data, only 2 percent of the population is attracted to children aged 14 or younger. Yet, if you were to poll the far right, that number among progressives would be closer to 100 percent. Miles Klee writes that, with the conspiracy fringe weaponizing pedophilia against the left, the chance for collateral damage is extremely high. READ MORE
Five Things We Learned This Week
- Ladies have tried some interesting “methods” to make their boobs bigger. Vaseline and Colgate? Olive oil, alternated with hot and cold water? Those are right up there with dudes trying to grow their dicks with the “Viking’s Kegel Squeeze.”
- LeBron James’ new I Promise School is as ambitious as it is innovative. Free lunches, job-placement services for parents and guaranteed college tuition are just a few of the highlights. No wonder there’s chatter about James’ potential in politics.
- 41 percent of men have felt sad after sex. But not because of the act itself. According to a study out of Queensland University of Technology in Brisbane, Australia, there are three main causes: Psychological distress, past sexual trauma and sexual dysfunction.
- $15,000 will buy you one ostrich jacket. That is, if you’re Paul Manafort. That purchase was revealed this week in open court by federal prosecutors in Manafort’s trial for defrauding the U.S. But our question is, are leather jackets even cool?
- Describing some sort of change as a “seismic shift” is the new black. That’s how the L.A. Times described James’ signing with the Lakers, for example. It’s also how the Washington Post described Donald Trump’s election. But is a seismic shift what’s going on here? We went to actual seismologists for answers.
The Week in Quotes
When faced with the difficult route—like learning how to sext—and the easy route—like copy-and-pasting sexts from the internet—some dudes are opting for the latter. And they swear that their wives and girlfriends can’t tell the difference (they can).
No, this isn’t some brutal piece of feedback on someone’s oral technique. This is part of an email the CFO of a well-known bank—who happens to have a lisp—received from a board member after delivering an impromptu year-end earnings report. Read what it’s like to scale the corporate ladder when your s’s sound like th’s, including the shocking assumptions people make about you as a person, here.
The U.K. is in the midst of a nationwide mental health campaign targeted at men, thanks in large part to a push from the Royal Family. If you look closely, however, these campaigns all appeal to normative ideals of what it means to be a “man.” And that’s something mental health professionals and guys who don’t conform to these standards are questioning.
Okay, so the new Mission: Impossible movie is good. How good? The quote above, from MEL film critic Tim Grierson, is possibly the nicest thing he’s said about any movie, ever. But is it enough to make up for Tom Cruise’s connection with Scientology and that organization’s alleged history of harassment and abuse?
What to Binge On This Weekend
Speaking of movies, violence and abuse, it was recently announced that The First Purge, the fourth film in the Purge franchise, eclipsed the $100 million mark at the box office. That’s a lot of money!
The First Purge continues the franchise’s string of insane, murder-porn premises, but these were hardly the first films to take a movie genre and turn it on its batshit head. The films in this week’s Weekend Binge all got there first.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
