The vast majority of porn scenes climax with a large, creamy load. But despite being the literal money shot, cum shots can be unpredictable. Sometimes, they’re eruptive and voluminous, exploding forth with a force and gusto that wows the crowd. Other times, they dribble, trickling out like a river running dry.
This presents some problems in an industry where cum is currency. If there’s not a geyser of jizz to signal a virile fuck, directors and fans complain, and the scene can feel “incomplete.”
So, what do porn stars do when the cum runs dry?
Thankfully, there are plenty of handy tips and tricks for faking it in a pinch.
Lubes that resemble cum are a safe bet, and a seemingly popular one, too. Adult performer and director Cherry Torn regularly uses SPUNK Lube, an “organic blend of edible moisturizing sex oil” made with a mixture of avocado and coconut oil — all organic, of course. “It looks right, and it tastes decent,” she tells me. Bad Dragon’s “slick, slippery and stringy” cum lube is another popular choice.
Because they’re made specifically for this reason, cum lubes can be used pretty much anywhere. Whether it’s a creampie, a facial or ready to be slathered on a dick, a cum lube will get you there.
They aren’t just for porn stars, either. From testicular cancer to hormone therapy, there are plenty of reasons someone might not be able to crank out a colossal cum, and specialized lubes can act as a welcome stand-in. They’re generally toy-safe, too — this makes them a great addition to squirting dildos if you’re desperate to feel something bust a fake nut inside you.
Fake cum company Magic Money Shot brands itself as “your best shot at saving your shoot,” and it’s marketed specifically at porn directors who want plenty of jizz without stressing out their talent. They make synthetic semen — a common fixture on mainstream porn sets, which also comes in strawberry flavor — as well as fake cum pumps. The pumps are equipped with a trigger mechanism and a long, thin tube. Trickle the fake goo into the tube, disguise the tube behind your dick and then pull the trigger when you’re ready to blow — there’s a YouTube video with almost a million views if you’re having trouble visualizing.
Author and sex worker Jessie Sage has one of Magic Money Shot’s renowned fake cum pumps, which she bought with her partner PJ Patella-Rey after his testicular cancer surgery made ejaculation elusive. “We were doing porn together before he got sick, and we shot some porn afterwards too,” she explains. “For the scenes we shot afterwards, fans would tell us they were expecting a cum scene,” hence the fake cum pump. They haven’t used it yet, though. Sage says fans would complain — despite many of them knowing that PJ cannot ejaculate, there’s still so much pressure on people with penises to cum during sex that it might rile them up to know it was fake. “People would say, ‘We want a creampie,’ and I would say, ‘I’m queer and he’s a cancer survivor — you don’t always get what you want!’”
Fake cum pumps aside, some semen alternatives are a little more old-school — and sugary — meaning they could wreak havoc on your junk. “I have mixed piña colada with cum lube for massive, over-the-top cum blasts,” says fetish model Whitney Morgan. “I’ve also used lotion mixed with water in a pinch.”
Porn performer and sex educator Lina Bembe has a recommendation for those with a sweet tooth: condensed milk. DIY cum connoisseurs also experiment with recipes including various mixtures of egg whites, cornstarch and yogurt, although they’re best recommended for fake facials, not creampies. Although plain yogurt is seemingly body-safe — a thoroughly-debunked herbal remedy advises smearing it inside vaginas to cure yeast infections, which can do way more harm than good — it’s best to keep the kitchen experiments well away from your genitals. Anything with high sugar levels will attract yeast and bacteria, as well as seriously fuck up your pH. In other words, some of these home recipes are a yeast infection waiting to happen.
That said, a cam model who asks to remain anonymous credited her “very successful squirting shows” to a handy formula of K-Y Jelly mixed with milk. “I used to buy syringes — or lube shooters — from the pharmacy and put them inside my pussy before starting the show,” she explains. “You need roughly two tablespoons of milk for one tube of K-Y. Mix it up, put it in Tupperware and keep it in the fridge so the consistency isn’t screwed up. When you’re in the show and you want to squirt, just push with your muscles and boom!”
Again though, it bears repeating: Putting sugar or dairy anywhere near your junk is not a good idea.
In the less edible aisle, porn performer Dahlia Dee recommends the aptly-named Nut Butter for fake cum; it’s halfway between a silicone lube and a water-based lube, with a thick, creamy consistency. It’s body-safe, so it can be put anywhere. As mentioned earlier, coconut oil-based lube works, too. When hair stylist Monty Porter was on a porn set, they saw it being used to impressive effect. “We just shook it up a little bit,” they explain. “If it gets too hot in your hand, the white part of the coconut oil disappears and goes clear. We didn’t hold the lube for very long; we just quickly squirted it onto his body and took the shot as fast as we could, before it melted!”
The list of cum dupes is seemingly endless, so there’s more than enough fake goo on the market to satisfy directors hungry for a stress-free money shot. Seemingly though, it’s best to stick to the classics. Sydney Leathers points to facial cleanser Cetaphil — again, best for facials and not creampies — which has long been the porn industry’s secret weapon.
It’s basically a facial with the skin benefits of an actual facial. What’s not to love?
Jake Hall
Jake Hall is a freelance journalist, fashion features editor and author. Their debut book 'The Art of Drag' is scheduled for release in May 2020.
