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How Long Is the, Um, Average Banana?

And why do you all want to know so bad?

As a writer on the internet, I often feel as though I’m getting a peek into the American mind. Recently, while looking at search data, I discovered that a solid chunk of you have been googling the length of the average banana.

Seems innocent enough, right? Wrong. My years of dick coverage tells me there’s something much hornier going on here: Y’all are either comparing your dicks to bananas, or you’re fucking them. There’s no way around it! 

In any case, I’ll still try to answer your question: How long is the average banana? 

I don’t know who’s responsible, but I will say that bananas do seem like they’ve gotten bigger lately. To test this theory, I recently purchased a bundle of six bananas and measured them. Three were exactly eight inches from base to tip. The other three were smaller, at six-and-a-half inches. Between six and eight inches of banana seems like a lot, though! It’s almost too much for me to eat, nevermind the, uh, other things someone might be doing with a banana. 

Apparently, though, these figures are somewhat “average.” The Department of Agriculture has a handy database of staple foods, their nutritional values and their sizes, and for bananas, they identified five different size categories: extra small, small, medium, large and extra large. Assuming “medium” can broadly mean “average,” the USDA identified the average banana as being between seven and eight inches long. 

Similar to the USDA’s figure, the site Bananas for Scale assumes the average banana is seven inches long. The website allows you to convert any measurement into bananas (for example, 12 inches is 1.7 bananas), in case you ever needed that. For instance, the distance between Los Angeles and New York is 25,216,069 bananas. 

So, whatever: Let’s call the average banana seven-and-a-half inches. That’s significantly bigger than the average five-inch dick (which is 0.713 bananas, thanks for asking). More than that, the majority of dicks are not curved like a banana, so the comparison seems ill-conceived, anyway. 

That said, if you do have a dick similar in length and shape to a banana, feel free to hit my line.

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