On February 26, 2018, the internet could talk about little other than Safaree Samuels’ dick. Apropos of nothing, the rapper best known for his now defunct relationship with Nicki Minaj released a short, NSFW video of his naked body, revealing his swaying, heavily erect penis in full-frontal glory. And that penis, according to a general consensus of Twitter users, was pretty much perfect. “I see why Nicki put up with him for 12 years” was a common sentiment, and hoards of women joked semi-seriously that Safaree could call them any time. Someone even begged him to create a replica dildo, while dozens more keen witnesses pointed out the obvious: Safaree’s dick is big. But Safaree’s isn’t only a big dick, it’s noticeably a curved dick.
“I believe that shit got an elbow” is how one woman put it, while another said it looked like it was merging to exit a highway. For a vocal contingent of dick-struck fans, the curve was part of what made Safaree’s dick so droolworthy—a feature rather than a flaw. “It’s curved,” gushed one woman, complete with a GIF of Titus Andromedon crossing himself in exaggerated, choreographed celebration, while another fan enthused, “You got to go around the corner to get on #Safaree dick it’s so curved. Damn! A few good strokes of that will have you dickmatized.”
And it’s curved pic.twitter.com/VSOhg6pZGO
— salchica (@BadGyal_Vanni) February 26, 2018
This level of infatuation can be confusing for anyone without a preference for curved dicks. To uninvested onlookers, a penile arc is unremarkable at best and unaesthetic at worst, so learning that there’s a fandom for dicks like Safaree’s can be baffling. Sammy, a 27-year-old student from New Zealand, considers herself pro-curve, but admits that it can be difficult to pinpoint the appeal. “They just feel a bit nicer, maybe ’cause there’s more pressure?” she tells me. “I think I have one of those backwards cervixes though, like a tilted uterus type thing.” In other words, because of her anatomy, a curved penis provides extra pleasure. “It’s like when you have a coffee, but it has Tia Maria in it or something,” she continues. “Like, PHEW, that was an unexpected kick!”
There seems to be something to the idea that, depending on how the vagina, clitoris and cervix are positioned, a curved dick will feel better. Internet sexologists wax lyrical about how an arched penis can more easily hit the G-spot, and anecdotally, a number of women appear happy to confirm this view. For Emma, a 28-year-old graduate student from California, the curvature of one partner’s penis turned otherwise unremarkable sex into a highly pleasurable experience. “Overall, its owner was good but not amazing in bed, and we didn’t have tons of chemistry in general,” she explains. “But he gave me my first ever orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex very easily, and purely because of his shape.”
Claire, a 25-year-old communications advisor also based in New Zealand, finds penetrative sex better with curved penises as well. “Intercourse is great because curved dicks actually make me come,” she tells me. “Like, not always, but there’s a way higher chance.” For her, it’s not just the shape of the penis, but the tendency of people with curved dicks to be more thoughtful. “I think the curve hits my G-spot, but more importantly, people with curved dicks seem to be much more cognizant of where and how they’re putting it,” she says. “Maybe because of past times where they’ve hurt themselves or their partner, I don’t know.”
However, for many men with curved penises, the shape is cause for concern rather than celebration. Elijah, a 26-year-old chemical engineer from Tennessee, explains that he was insecure about his curved dick for most of his pubescent years. “It curved like a banana when it got hard,” he says. “I hadn’t really seen that before, so I was in fear that something was wrong with me.” Jason, a 42-year-old supermarket merchandiser from Australia, had similar worries as a teen. “I just didn’t know whether it would affect the mechanics of sex,” he admits. “Nothing I read about sex seemed to discuss curved dicks in any real capacity outside of the fact that they existed.”
Are curved penises anything to worry about? According to the U.K.’s National Health Service website, it’s common for penises to curve slightly to the left or right when they’re erect, and in the vast majority of cases, this is healthy and normal. Human anatomy is rarely perfectly symmetrical, and a moderate curve—defined as less than 30 degrees, according to Impatient—won’t usually interfere significantly with sexual intercourse like teen Jason feared. (If it does, or if erections are painful or the degree of curvature is increasing, you should see a doctor.) In other words, so long as the symptoms of Peyronie’s disease or Chordee aren’t present, a curved penis is unlikely to be a medical concern.
But as the multi-billion dollar global cosmetic surgery industry attests, the fact that a body part is healthy and normal rarely prevents people from fretting about its aesthetic value, and penises are no exception. Adam, a 22-year-old lifeguard from the U.K., finds it hard to accept the sideways bend of his dick, worrying that it looks weird and ugly. “I think it’s because when you picture an aesthetic penis, it’s straight and symmetrical,” he explains, before discussing how taking dick pics makes him feel especially insecure. “If it’s in a picture, my dick has good and bad angles, and it looks smaller from the left side.”
It’s no surprise, then, that Bent Penis Corrective Surgery is an option. Designed mainly for people whose curvature is significant enough to cause erectile pain or sexual discomfort, the surgery is sometimes marketed to appeal to men with aesthetic insecurities. Even as a teen, Jason was aware that the procedure existed and had considered having it done. “While I’m aware that my dick can be ‘fixed’ surgically, 20 years ago I had no chance of affording that,” he tells me. His self-esteem eventually trumped his desire to go under the knife. “By the time I might have been able to afford surgery, I’d long ceased caring.”
Even if you concede that curved dicks are less conventionally beautiful than their straight counterparts, it doesn’t follow that this is necessarily off-putting for prospective partners. Lovers often appreciate the physical characteristics that distinguish their partners from cover models, such as freckles, big noses, stretch marks or crooked teeth, and the same logic applies to the genitals. Claire, for example, likes curved dicks precisely because of their imperfect nature. “I find them really sexy,” she explains, “like they have personality or something.”
Sammy agrees. “A good curved dick is like an ugly piece of mid-century furniture,” she muses. “You appreciate it because it’s more unique.”
Madeleine Holden
Madeleine Holden is a lawyer and freelance writer based between Berlin and New Zealand. She writes about relationships, sex, gender and whatever the hell else she feels like for MEL.
