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The Curious Optics of Eye Contact During Blow Jobs

Some claim it makes BJs more intimate. Others feel it breaks their concentration. Who’s right in this very sucky staring contest?

For many, a blow job’s quality is as much about performance as it is skill. As discussed with techniques like the Gluck Gluck 9000, giving good head requires enthusiasm and a little demonstration that the person giving said head is enjoying it at similar levels as the person receiving. One oft-mentioned component of this is eye contact between the two parties. But how essential is it to stare into each other’s souls during a round of sloppy toppy?

“When you’re getting eye contact, you know someone is into it — and you,” explains Elliot, a BJ-fan I spoke to on Twitter. “They’re not just giving the blow job to get it over with, or doing it because they see it in porn. The eye connection is so sexy because they want to make sure that you’re enjoying it.”

That’s interesting given that most porn tends to feature heavy doses of eye contact between performers, but still, this sentiment seems to be the core idea behind why some people find it hot: It suggests that you’re in the moment, not imagining yourself anywhere else. More than just caring about being present, eye contact says that you want to see that the other person is enjoying it, too.

In some cases, there can be a submissive or dominant element at play — you’re looking up to the other person for approval, or looking at the person to demonstrate how in control of the situation you are. As MEL’s very own Chingy Nea tells me, she’s way more into eye contact as a giver than she is as a receiver. “It furthers the connection and intimacy,” she says. “It lets me see the pleasure I’m bringing someone while my mouth is wrapped around their cock/clit. I don’t do it the whole time, but when I do, it feels like a very clear way to show someone how much I want them.”

So exactly how much eye contact are we talking about here, really?

As Chingy mentions, it’s not something most of us need or want to do the entire time. In reality, what most people actually seem to be looking for is just the exchange of a few glances, rather than a full-on staring contest. “Just like the way you switch positions during intercourse, someone should switch up what they’re doing in a blow job,” says Elliot. “Like, look me in the eyes for a bit, then change the angle, then use your hands, then come back to eye contact.”

Similarly, a guy named Johnny on Twitter adds, “I love it as a recipient, but it doesn’t need to be constant throughout. Just a few moments here and there of locking eyes is hot.”

That said, there are some people who completely hate it, both as a giver or recipient. “I have some guys that enjoy it when I make eye contact while giving, but some others, like my regularist regular, hate it and find it creepy,” says Zach. He estimates the ratio is around 70/30, with the majority of guys enjoying it.

As a few people explain, eye contact is too much of a distraction. “One time my husband took a picture of me giving and making eye contact, and it was the ugliest angle of myself I had ever seen and now I can never get that image of myself out of my head,” a pseudonymous woman named Emily tells me. Others feel that they can focus more on their partner’s pleasure and the task at hand with their eyes closed. Much like being blindfolded can increase a person’s sensitivity to touch or taste, knocking out vision can help them concentrate on their partner’s moans, body movements or even the taste and texture of their cock. “Sometimes I need to zone out a bit, and constant eye contact gives the vibe of ‘pay attention to me,’” a guy who wishes to go unnamed tells me.

Still, most seem to find at least a few instances of eye contact to be super hot. In fact, it’s often the detail they remember most when recalling a particularly memorable, enjoyable blow job. It might feel super intimate, but that’s kinda the point. Isn’t having someone’s genitals in your mouth a pretty intimate act in and of itself?

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