4-22-19

‘Election’ 20 Years Later, the People Still Calling Their Daddies ‘Daddy’ and How a Eunuch Goes Peepee

Is it child abuse to pack your kid a Lunchable for lunch? That’s the question I’m pondering just two days removed from 4/20, and more importantly after reading this incredibly depressing investigation into what’s actually in a Lunchable. And to think that Lunchables were once a highly sought-after item on the lunchtime grade-school black market (right up there with chicken tenders, either of which could net you quite the haul if you were willing to part with them)?

Smh.

Must Read

“‘Election’ Is About Everything We Fight About Online”
Don’t look now, but Election, Alexander Payne’s landmark black comedy about subterfuge at a Nebraska high school is turning 20. All these years later, the themes the film explores — tradition versus change; status quo versus gender equality; authority versus anarchy — are still incredibly relevant, and sound a lot like our own daily battles on the internet. On the film’s 20th anniversary, Tim Grierson (with a little help from Payne) takes a look at how Election helped galvanize our contemporary discourse. READ MORE

Daddy’s Boy

First, society deemed it uncouth for men to refer to their fathers as “daddy” past the age of 12. Then, thanks to the internet and the redefinition of “daddy” as online shorthand for someone who gets you wet, the original use of the term was no longer safe to use at any age. That sad fact, though, hasn’t stopped some guys from carrying on calling their daddies “daddy.” And while it might seem strange or inappropriate to the rest of us, they’ve got their reasons.

Lunchable in Name Only

Most of us have known that Lunchables, the ubiquitous meal combo for kids that parents put in lunch boxes when mommy or daddy are feeling a little lazy, would never be what a nutritionist would call a “healthy choice.” But considering the Extra Cheesy Pizza edition — which on its face is nothing more than shredded cheese, limp flatbread and some nondescript tomato sauce — has a whopping 53 ingredients in it, perhaps we should all push away from the pre-packaged meal aisle at the local Shop ‘n Save.

Butylated hydroxyanisole? Lactic Acid Starter Culture? Think of the children! Find out what all of those nasty-looking ingredients are doing to our kids’ bodies, here.

Divorced Father, Willing to Arm Wrestle

In the pantheon of preeminent films about broken families and divorce, you might not place Over the Top, the 1987 Stallone flick about a truck-driving, deadbeat dad who tries to make up with his snotty, well-to-do son by entering an arm-wrestling competition, very high up. But in Nathan Pensky’s opinion, as an alienated child of divorce, you really should.

Senior Scamming Season

Recent reports show that adults over 65 lose an estimated $2.9 billion each year due to financial cons, and statistically speaking, one in every 10 Americans over 65 will fall victim to some sort of financial abuse. So what makes the elderly so susceptible to scams? It’s not just the typical cognitive decline that goes hand-in-hand with getting older, although that’s a big part of it. It’s also a function of growing up in a different era, and sadly, the reality that for some seniors, old habits die hard.

Do-Over on That Drunken Breakup?

Everyone knows, when you’re drunk and/or fucked up on any other number of (il)legal substances, none of the crazy shit that might come out of your mouth counts — especially when it concerns your significant other. Right??? It turns out it depends on who you ask. Because whether it’s a dating site VP, a relationship expert, an advice columnist or an addiction specialist, the real answer might be anything from “nope, doesn’t count” to “oh hell yes it counts” to everything in between. So who’s actually right? You decide.

You Are How You Fuck

For years, the medical community has been espousing that you are what you eat, but a recent study from the University of Colorado’s Medical Center has found that in addition to the food you put in your stomach, your sexual behavior can also influence your immune system.

Tie Me Up, Sailor

Who knows more about ropes than a sailor? Choking than a MMA wrestler? And handcuffs than a cop? In the search for the ultimate BDSM advice, we asked eight everyday folks with vanilla jobs and skill sets to share some of their best kink-friendly smarts.

Unsullied: How Dost Thou Pee?

The Unsullied, Game of Thrones most feared fighting force, is an army of eunuchs, or men who have had their testicles, and often, their penises removed with a sharp knife. Which, inevitably, leads to questions like this:

Naturally, this is a question worth investigating; and if you want a question about eunuchs and peeing answered accurately, you’ve got to bring in the experts.