We get it: “No one’s neck’s as incredibly thick as Gaston,” which is one of the many lyrics in the Beauty and the Beast villain’s theme song that’s intended to convey just how matchlessly massive this pompous pinhead really is.
Yet, that statement isn’t even true in that very same movie. For starters, the Beast is easily superior to Gaston in every physical respect, hoisting that loser up by his neck with a single hand and dangling him helplessly over the edge of the castle. Second, when the Beast turns back into Prince Adam, he’s still every bit as buff as He-Man, just without the tan.
So, in the spirit of knocking Gaston down a peg, and toppling him from his antler-laden throne, here’s a list of Disney characters every bit as jacked as Gaston — if not more so.
Luisa Madrigal, ‘Encanto’
Luisa Madrigal was gifted superhuman strength by the Madrigal family’s encanto, and she certainly looks to be every part of the physical powerhouse she portrays. She effortlessly tosses donkeys around like they’re softballs as part of her daily chores; so I shudder to think of how much weight she could move if she was required to put her all into it.
Maui is so colossal that he makes the actual human being who voices him look puny by comparison, and when you consider that Maui is voiced by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, that’s truly saying something. Each of Maui’s arms is as big as Moana’s entire body, and his torso is as wide as three of his arms. Basically, Maui is so preposterously yoked that he’s as thick as five ordinary sized humans. There’s no way Gaston can compete with that.
Hercules, Nessus and Zeus, ‘Hercules’
Hercules is larger than Gaston by any metric, and that’s before you factor in his godly might, which is of the superhuman variety. And don’t think for a moment that Hercules didn’t need every ounce of that strength either, because over the course of his heroic achievements, he’s forced to take out Nessus the Centaur, whose upper body alone is twice as tall as Hercules, not to mention that he probably has the most impressive upper-trapezius development in all of Disney. Seriously, his neck is simultaneously incredibly long and nonexistent. Not to be outdone, Zeus is four times as large as his demigod son, and would win any Disney bodybuilding competition in the chest and bicep categories.
Tarzan and Clayton, ‘Tarzan’
If Tarzan isn’t more jacked than Gaston — which I would contend he is — he’s absolutely more shredded and aesthetic. Plus, he’s not the slightest bit modest, and is competition-ready at all times with a stage-worthy tan. Far more modestly dressed is Tarzan’s adversary Clayton, whose quads pop right out of his pantaloons and whose sleeves can barely contain his forearms. Also, neither Gaston nor any other ostensible human in the Disney canon can touch Clayton in the thick neck department, at least not as far as the classic animation is concerned.
Li Shang and Shan Yu, ‘Mulan’
Li Shang may not be half as conceited as Gaston, but he does draw both the ire of Yao and the blushing admiration of Mulan with his “pretty-boy” move of taking his shirt off to train the new recruits for the Emperor’s army. After baring his chest to show off how sculpted he is, Li busts out out a triple-tuck somersault from a standing position, bull’s-eyes three different apples with three separate arrows fired from a single bow, and uses precision stickhandling to repel 10 hurled stones in less than a second. It’s also worth pointing out that Hun chieftain Shan Yu is so muscular and husky compared to Li, and dispatches him with such relative ease, that he might as well be Thanos. Come to think of it, he does seem to favor wearing a single glove.
Kronk, ‘Emperor’s New Groove’
Sure, in the worlds of Yzma, he’s “a big, stupid moron” who makes less than palatable spinach puffs, but there’s no mistaking the brawn of Kronk. Based on his proportions alone, Kronk has unthinkably large upper body development, including a hulking back, chest and arms, all paired with a waist so tiny that even a classic bodybuilding pioneer like Arnold Schwarzenegger who was known for his tiny waist would say, “Damn, dude’s got a small waist.” Despite his build, Kronk showcases very few on-screen displays of his might, but if his devil and angel avatars are to be believed, he can do single-arm handstand shoulder presses. That’s ridiculous.
The Genie and Genie Jafar, ‘Aladdin’
The instant the evil magician Jafar casts his wish to become an “all-powerful genie,” he becomes so massive that his genie form bursts clean through the palace dome and into the night sky, with a body that’s dimensionally even larger and more muscular than the good Genie voiced by Robin Williams, except that Genie Jafar also has shredded abs. Apparently, one of the differences between a pleasant, average genie and an evil, all-powerful genie is that the bad guy knows how to properly cut weight for a competition.
Mr. Incredible, Brick and Krushauer, ‘The Incredibles’
The world of The Incredibles is inhabited by several superpowered characters, so more than a few are going to be blessed with superhuman strength and bodies that match. Whether he’s the golden-age version of himself, or the middle-aged version, Mr. Incredible has a muscular pair of legs that still look like they’re barely capable of supporting a gargantuan torso that’s also somehow one-and-a-half times as long as his legs. When new superhero recruits are brought aboard in The Incredibles 2, Concretia “Brick” Mason quickly supplants Mr. Incredible as the most gargantuan powerhouse on the planet, displaying arms that are both larger and longer than most of the heroes’ entire bodies. It’s also worth mentioning that another new recruit, Krushauer, who isn’t necessarily super strong, appears to be every bit as mammoth-sized as Mr. Incredible.
All I have to say in order to underscore the massive size of Ralph is that he’s easily more physically robust than Zangief from the Street Fighter series. And when your movie’s antihero dwarfs the most jacked guy in a series full of jacked guys — a pro wrestler listed by Capcom as being 7-feet tall and weighing just a smidgen under 400 pounds — you know you’re dealing with a special sort of monster. Ever the tasteful type, Ralph never removes his flannel shirt and overalls to grandstand with his goods, but given that his fists are collectively larger than his entire upper body, he doesn’t need to strip naked to let folks know that he’s packing some serious heat.
Ernesto De La Cruz, ‘Coco’
I know, you’re surprised to see him on this list since he spent so much time in Coco as a bony skeleton and because his size and strength have nothing to do with the plot. But the few scenes showcasing De La Cruz in the flesh exhibit just how sufficiently he’s able to fill out a chaquetilla. He had broad shoulders and biceps that are noticeable through the sleeves of his charro outfit, leaving him with an upper body so massively proportioned that even his skeleton was rewarded with prodigious proportions in the afterlife.
And so, Gaston, you might want to bite your tongue when you claim “there’s no one as burly or brawny as you.” Because surely all of the men and women above would beg to differ.