I stopped watching the bullshit in-flight safety brief years ago, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you did too. What are they explaining that’s really important, anyways — where to find and how to operate a life vest? Pretty sure if my plane goes down over the water, we’re far more likely to wind up like TWA Flight 800 than the Miracle on the Hudson. I mean, there’s a reason it’s referred to as a “miracle,” right?
Honestly, they should just drop some Ketamine instead of oxygen masks and demonstrate how to meet our maker in perfect bliss.
Must Read
“Why Black ‘Game of Thrones’ Fans Need #DemThrones”
Let’s face it: Game of Thrones is a show made by white people, featuring (mostly) white people for white people, where the only real people of color are the Dothraki — a clan of brawny, brown-skinned, sex-mad, violent savages. Which is probably why Black Twitter came up with the hashtag #DemThrones, as a way for black people to enjoy the show as part of a parallel fandom. Zaron Burnett III spoke to Jemele Hill and others about watching #DemThrones redefine and enhance something that wasn’t designed with people of color in mind, and the important role it has played in turning the show into a phenomenon. READ MORE
I love how when both Jon and Daenerys found out about Jon’s real parentage, neither seemed too concerned they’d been committing incest #DemThrones
— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) April 22, 2019
A Film Critic On… ‘Avengers: Endgame’
I’m really sorry everyone but there were no seats at my movie theater this weekend and so I did not have a chance to see Avengers: Endgame in time to pull the best quotes from Tim Grierson’s spoiler-heavy analysis of the latest MCU blockbuster. If you’ve seen the film, though, give this a read — I’m pretty sure it’s got something to do with “death,” I think.
It’s Picklin’ Time
Ahh, pickles: The best low-calorie snack around. Not Vlasic pickles, those pasteurized pieces of day-glo yellow shit are trash. I’m talking Clausen pickles, baby — cold, vinegary and delicious. What’s in them? Surprisingly, a bit more than cucumbers, water and salt, but nothing really to emergency-contact your nutritionist about.
Dat Hairline, Tho
Did you hear the news? Prince William allegedly cheated on his baby-making princess, Kate Middleton, with her best friend. Naturally, this hasn’t sparked conversation online about the perils of living under the bright lights of international fame, or about infidelity in general. No, the topic that has carried the day has been Prince William’s receding hairline:
All this talk about Prince William just reminds me about how he’s had the worst glo down in history ? pic.twitter.com/GGPT4Mwxjt
— sabrina? (@Sabrina_Arsenal) April 24, 2019
This is what ya’ll want to talk about? Well, okay. Let’s talk about it.
The Eight Different Types of Female Towels
Guys have one towel, possibly two. The great big one for drying off after showering, and possibly a second towel for our hands and/or face. Which is why we’re so confused by the towel habits of our wives and girlfriends, who seemingly have a different type of towel for every day of the week, plus one. In an attempt to understand what they’re all for, Brian VanHooker asked a whole bunch of (presumably very clean) women to help him understand their towel game.
You Can Pry My Kid’s iPad from My Cold Dead Fingers, WHO
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), parents are giving their kids way too much screen time. To which parents are generally responding: “Eat shit, WHO.” And who could blame them, when childcare in this country is enormously expensive and often hard to find reliably.
Smile! You’re on Camera, Naked
“Voyeuring” is a fringe, but fast-growing sector of the sex industry that isn’t quite the fuckfest that is camming, as much as it is young men and women with cameras set to stream nonstop, 24/7, giving a global audience a taste of their everyday lives. Luke Winkie spoke with one voyeur star, Adrian, about what it’s like to allow strangers to watch him cook, clean, sleep ,and yes, have sex. Unsurprisingly given the circumstances, he was quite candid.
In the Event of a Water Landing, Kiss Your Ass Goodbye
We’ve all seen an airplane safety demonstration: The seatbelt, the oxygen masks, the life vest, the lighted exits. We’ve also all learned to tune it out completely. The FAA would frown on that fact, but you’ve got to wonder why. After all, the pre-takeoff airline safety talk is only really applicable in a very small sliver of emergencies that rank somewhere between “normal flight” and “holy shit, we’re all about to die in a massive fireball!”
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
