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Does Childhood Diet Impact Future Dick Size?

Oh god I’ve been feeding him baby carrots

If you knew that feeding your son a particular diet would help him develop a bigger dick, would you feed it to him? 

On the one hand, it feels completely fucking weird to try to plan a child’s diet accordingly, but on the other, would you be depriving your child of something if you didn’t? Fortunately, such a diet doesn’t exist. Beyond one study linking higher phthalate consumption among pregnant mothers to smaller dick size in babies, there isn’t much out there regarding specific food choices and genital proportions. In fact, existing research on the topic only proves one thing: The best way to ensure your child’s proper development, sexual organs or otherwise, is to make sure they eat a standard, healthy diet. 

Studies on the topic arrive at two main conclusions. First, being severely overweight as a child is bad for penis development. Second, being severely underweight as a child is — surprise — also bad for penis development. Either way, both are linked to the hormone testosterone, which appears to play a mild role in eventual hog size. 

When it comes to the former, researchers at Airlangga University in Indonesia recently published findings that found a significant correlation between childhood obesity and micropenises. “From the number of patients I handle, 80 percent of obese childhood patients have micropenises,” Soetomo Dyan Pramesti, one of the study researchers, said in a press release. “Obesity triggers the occurrence of hormonal disorders, which leads to decreased concentration of testosterone.” 

Meanwhile, a 2013 study published in the Journal of Critical Research in Pediatric Endrocrinology states that “children who present with a suspicion of micropenis are often prepubertal and obese, and the small size of their penis is caused by the pressure of the prepubic fat on the penis.”

Sometimes, micropenis cases in obese children resolve themselves through weight loss and puberty, but often, hormone therapy is necessary for full genital development. 

On the other end of the spectrum, malnutrition both in the womb and through adolescence has been linked to penile under-development. According to one 2014 study in the Indian Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism, “Severe primary or secondary malnutrition also can delay the onset and progression of puberty. The higher incidence of anorexia nervosa and bulimia in adolescents imposes a nutritional risk on pubertal development.” 

Notably, though, malnutrition of this level isn’t simply something that occurs from having a picky eater. Rather, it’s typically the result of a complicated mix of factors like low birth weight and lack of access to proper food, or the side effect of an underlying disease. 

In other words, just feed your kid a normal diet. If you were really worried about it, you could feed your child foods that promote the production of testosterone like tuna, milk, oysters and shellfish (good luck on those last two), but it’s probably completely unnecessary. Assuming your kid is happy and healthy, things are gonna turn out how they’re gonna turn out. Besides, it’s that kind of attitude where true big dick energy originates anyway.