An Argument for Getting Horny on Main, People Who Claim to Be Born in the Wrong Era and Life After a Botched Circumcision

Scrolling through Twitter today, I was surprised by how unsurprised I was to hear that President Trump had marked up an NOAA presentation of Hurricane Dorian’s projected path last week to cover for his now-infamous “Alabama” comment:

Trump using a black Sharpie to doctor his own administration’s forecast willy-nilly style would be funny if it wasn’t so predictable, but what is funny is it reminded me about a story Miles Klee did last year about conspiracy theorists who believe hurricanes are created by the government. Look, if the president created Dorian in the first place, is he really wrong to tell Alabama to duck-and-cover, since he obviously could’ve made it go that way if he wanted it to?

Makes you think.

Must Read

“The Not-Very-Nice Saga of How 69 Became the Nicest Number of All Time”
Here’s a thing you definitely, totally should try: Go on the internet and post something about the number 69, and see how many “nice” comments you get. Sure, it’s a thoroughly juvenile bit. But that’s the whole point: Its simplicity and lack of pretension is what unites people around it. To be in on the joke, one need only commit to the task of pointing out the funny sex number whenever it comes up. But when you really think about 69ing, how “nice” is it, really? READ MORE

Time to Get Horny on Main

Since it’s very beginning, the internet has been a place to enjoy our secret vices, hobbies and kinks. But along the way, getting horny online became very public, and after Incognito mode was introduced in the mid-aughts, people jumped at the opportunity to hide their online activity. These days, though, with data breach after data breach, and tech companies, porn sites, employers and even schools that can bypass, read and even sell our browsing habits (Incognito mode or not), maybe it’s time we stop pretending Incognito mode is actually private, and start getting horny on main?

Le Wrong Generation

Complaints about being born in the wrong era come up a lot online, often in the context of decrying modern culture and yearning for bygone days. For some people, though, complaints transcend into true belief, a so-called condition termed “generational dysphoria.” But for these time-travelers, is believing they were meant to be born during the Belle Époque a true ”condition,” or just a way to humblebrag about how cool and different they are?

Splitting Up (A Mortgage)

Home ownership is complicated for even one person, but what about when two people are involved? Adam Elder asked a mortgage loan officer to run him through all the different scenarios that might come up for married and unmarried couples looking to buy a home, and if that sounds like your situation, you’ll want to know what you’re getting into before you sign on the dotted line.

Moisture is the Essence of Wetness

Does your body leak like a sieve when you workout? Excess sweating is a major annoyance at the gym, but there are ways to prepare, mitigate and possibly even prevent the deluge.

Ye Olde Can o’ Salt

There’s no denying that a can of Campbell’s soup is a delicious meal in a pinch. Unfortunately, enjoying said meal comes at an artery-dilating price:

Salt may be down the list of ingredients in Chunky Sirloin Burger with Country Vegetables Soup, but don’t sleep on it: There’s a whopping 1,720 milligrams in a single can, which your heart doctor shouldn’t have to tell you is too much. Here’s what all the other scary chemicals in Campbell’s do.

Vagina Monologues

If your wife or girlfriend’s vagina could talk, what would it say about your relationship? If you’re not right for her, the answer is, a lot, because it turns out our bodies often send out distress signals when the person we’re with is a bad match. Only, with her, these signals happen to go straight to her pleasure parts.

Dance Kings

Despite what you see on the big and little screen — looking at you, Lara Spencer and Good Morning America — men who do ballet aren’t “sissies”; they aren’t broken, either. For some reason, however, we never hear the stories about guys who love a profession traditionally associated with women. Joseph Longo reached out to several young male dancers to hear more about the freedom and happiness dance gives them.

Life After a Botched Circumcision

Ouch.

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Jeff Gross

Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.