There are more things that pair with eggs than mayo, buddy

Long before it was the stuff of gamers and X-Game athletes, Mountain Dew was an illicit corn whiskey fashioned from homemade stills deep in the backwoods of Appalachia

So what if it’s buried under a mountain of cheese and bread crumbs, it still came from the ground

As long as it’s shaped like mostaccioli — and kinda tastes like it — I’ll eat whatever is put in front of me

With a 50-year-old slogan and rabid ‘Stranger Things’ fanbase obsessed with their nostalgic 1980s appeal, Eggos has proved they’re as American as apple pie

Or is such a thing even possible?