Mom, if you’re reading this, earmuffs: I’ve been to Pornhub. And more shocking still, I spend a lot of time perusing the comments. It always makes me wonder what inspires someone to leave a comment on porn. Do they expect that Jesse Jane et al will read their prose, swoon and fuck/marry them?
As it turns out, yeah, kinda.
I learned a lot about the interplay between performers and commenters today, and just how healthy the interactions are, on the whole. Now all I need to know is whether anyone’s ever gotten a bigger dick from clicking on the site’s banner ads, or hooked up with a local horny mom. But that’s an investigation for another day.
Check out the best of everything we published today, below.
Must Read
“It’s Time to Talk About Emotional Abuse”
In this #MeToo era, stories of emotional abuse are popping up everywhere. But that hasn’t made it any easier to identify—considering emotional abuse doesn’t leave visible marks, and victims often don’t even realize it’s happening until after the fact. And with confusion over what constitutes this type of manipulation versus, say, what’s just a “rocky relationship,” it becomes even more important to identify the defining aspects of what emotional abuse is, and what it’s not. READ MORE
Creepy PMs, Served Extra Creepy
*Blushes nervously* Want to be creeped the fuck out by the newest and cringiest trend in online harassment? Read this. *Purses lips, gives shy look*
Snack Attack
No one should ask how the sausage gets made. Or in this case, how their delicious Pepperidge Farms Goldfish crackers get made. But we’re gluttons for punishment, so we just had to know what’s in America’s second-favorite snack.
Besides, what the hell is monocalcium phosphate anyway? Why do basic-ass cheddar-y Goldfish even need 13 ingredients? Why the fuck is one of them smiles? And most importantly, what’s all that shit doing to our bodies?
All great questions—click here for the answers.
A Critic On… ‘Ozark: Season Two’
On what’s similar to Breaking Bad: “Like that show, the appeal is seeing just how dark things will get, just how deep a hole the main characters are going to dig for themselves.”
On denial not being just a river in Egypt: “The Byrdes are in utter denial. Even more than they’re trying not to be killed, they’re trying to hold onto their positive self-image. Both positions are getting more tenuous all the time.”
On getting drunk on the series’ repetitive nature: “Take a shot every time a character says, ‘You lied to me!’ or ‘From now on, we have to be absolutely transparent.’”
On Ozark’s uncanny sense of milieu: “One aspect that’s totally dead-on about Lake of the Ozarks is that it’s at the center of the rivalry between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Chicago Cubs. And the way characters talk about the teams is 100 percent accurate to the region.”
Netflix series Ozarks is full of Fuck the Cardinals. from CHICubs
On potential tag lines for Season Two: “If the Byrdes are going to survive, they’ll have to realize that they’re just as rotten as everyone else.”
Read the rest of Tim Grierson’s take on the new season of Ozark—including more on the show’s perfect portrayal of the tension between Cubs and Cardinals fans, two other under-the-radar Jason Bateman gems and a brief primer on the Kansas City Mafia—here.
From the ‘Weird Hill to Die On’ Dept.
With the Brett Kavanaugh hearings taking place today, the ongoing Russian subterfuge and a general national malaise that just keeps getting worse, what does one rail against when there are just so many options? I’ve got it: How about Disney’s decision to serve alcohol in one measly Star Wars-themed bar at Disneyland? Cue the vitriol:
Yuuup. People are pissed. Not pissed like drunk—they’ll have to wait until 2019—more like angry. And these angry folk already have a name: The WaltRight.
The Friendly Folks of the Pornhub Comment Section
What moves a lonely masturbator to log into Pornhub (lol), type out a message (lmao) and press “enter” (ded)? As it turns out, a lot of their reasons, while odd, are also oddly sweet:
Contributing writer Mic Wright reached out to commenters and performers alike to find out what life is like in Pornhub’s vibrant and touching (NO, NOT IN THAT WAY) comment section.
A River Runs Through It
For many years, the ownership of the Whanganui River in New Zealand was under dispute between the Kiwi government and the Maori people, who consider the river sacred. Now, however, it owns itself. In what’s believed to be a first, the river has been granted legal personhood, with the same rights and responsibilities as you and me. But determining where a river ends and the rest of nature begins — well, that may be up for some debate.
Catch up on all of MEL Films award-winning work, here.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
